He’s Only Trying To Help

A few weeks ago there was a wreck on I-75 near downtown Cincinnati. The bridge going over the Ohio river is a double decker bridge. Northbound is underneath and Southbound is on top. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but what I ┬áheard is a semi knocked a car from the upper deck to the lower. Both directions were closed.

We are about 20 miles North of downtown, so we weren’t really affected. However, the main road by our house was backed up and there appeared to be an accident at the entrance ramp to I-75 by our house.

Randy: It’s a contagion. One accident happens and then 50 or 60 more pop up.

Me: You will just make up anything won’t you? I mean you don’t even try to make sense.

Randy: I am trying to help you. I am giving you the wisdom that comes out of my

Me: Anus

Randy, pretending to not hear me: The vast amount of wisdom that comes from my cavernous…

Me: Anus

Randy: Brain.

Me: Same difference.

Randy: I won’t be helping you anymore.

Me: You say that, but you don’t mean it.

Randy: You’re going to be sorry the next time I

Me: Anus.

Randy: Now who isn’t making sense?

Me: HA! You just admitted that you don’t make sense.

Randy: No I didn’t.

Me: You did. You said ‘now who isn’t making sense’. That statement only makes sense if you weren’t making sense in the first place.

Randy: Anus.

Me: Do you think we’ll ever have grown up conversations?

Randy: Butthole.

Me: Butthole is a funny word.

I’m sure the rest of the conversation was deep and insightful and full of ways we will collaborate with each other to make our lives and the lives of all the other humans more fulfilling and palatable.

I only remember the anus and the butthole parts, though.





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By Michelle


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