Our House Feels Like A Rental

We are listing our house a week from today. There is very little inventory in my neck of the woods and my neck of the woods is desirable.

Our house is not in the rich part of town. Most of the town is the rich part of town. John Boehner lives less than two miles from us. Just a few turns and we go from a “former speaker of the house” neighborhood to a “Rubber Shoes In Hell” neighborhood.

According to our real estate agent, we’re in a seller’s market right now.

This could go very well for us.

Cross your fingers, send a prayer up to the universe, sacrifice a goat, I don’t care. Just do something because holy shit could we use this break.

The amount of money going out to set this house right makes me feel like vomiting. I have to pay that back, yo.

We’re down to shits and giggles.

I touched up paint this weekend, because I am in purgatory, and my entire life is about touching up paint. I have to finish tomorrow, and by “finish”, I mean I will probably be touching up paint for at least twelve thousand more years.

The home stager came yesterday and hung artwork on my walls I would never pick. The artwork looks fine and pleasing.rental artwork

I don’t like it.

My opinion, in this case, does not matter. We want to sell this house, we want to sell it fast. We want it to appeal to the masses.

So, now our house feels like a rental.

I don’t see any of us in our house anymore.

Aesthetically, the motherfucker stacks up. But home wise? Not so much.

The home stager hung art work in our living room and master bedroom. See? Now it’s the master bedroom. It’s no longer the mostly messy, cozy little cave Randy and I have shared for 9 years. 

Right now, as you read this, our house is not for sale. Our house is still our house.

A week from now, that will no longer be true.

We are about to get shot out of a cannon.

Still don’t have a single prospect on a replacement house. Our plans for temporary housing are still theoretical, which means we have no fucking plan.

So, you know, it’s going great.

We’re living in a house I no longer recognize. I have no idea where we are going.

Like I said, send up a good thought for us.

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  • Take it from somebody currently paying for three abodes – one empty for sale, one being built, one rental where I sleep:
    1. Don’t count on the money until the closing is over (my buyers walked three days before closing and I had already moved out.)
    2. Inspections suck. Be prepared to shell out for stupid shit they “find”. They will because they have no skin in the game.
    3. It’ll be worth it once the dust settles as long as you hold out for just the right place for you now.

    Wishing you a better experience selling than I have had.

    • Oh man, that would suck. I expect there will be some unpleasant little surprises, but we really should have no problem selling. Unfortunately, I have no idea where we are ending up. We’ll probably end up in a short term rental. sigh.

      • I think that would be best. If I had it to do over again that’s what I would do… as a plan instead of an accident! It will be all right. It’s stressful but it will be all right. Breathe.

  • P. S. Touch up paint! When I got done touching up using the paint I had kept for just that reason, it dried up two shades lighter. It looked like shit. Took me three trips to paint stores to mix up a batch that matched close enough. But now I AM DONE TOUCHING UP! See, there’s a bright side.

  • The thing about moving….even more than the paint….is the where am I going with this? You can go in with a great attitude and say, “heck, going to end up with a great beach front property….in a tent”….or…..I’m going to be fucking scared. I’ve done both (almost).

    You have a super cool partner. At the end of it all, that is so much more important than the money. (Even though the money helps.)

    The staging part weirds me out. It does on TV as well. Probably because I think I may have to do that for my parents sooner than later. Your home has now become a house.

    Choose your next adventure and love it! And hopefully you don’t have to repaint.

    • I needed this. You are right. I have a great partner. We’ve lived in some questionable places. Haha. We’ll be fine no matter what. Now I have to call him and tell him to read this comment.

      As far as painting goes, we definitely will be painting the new place. I already have ideas.

  • Oh good luck! It is such a stressful time for sure…we have done it and without a plan. Which always leaves doubt as to whether anything we did was the right thing! I hope it sells smoothly and quickly. ( unless like us who had 30 showings in 90 days)

    • Oh I hope so. I am dreading the showings. Just herding up the cats will be painful. Plus, we have to keep everything neat and orderly. We’re not neat, orderly people. haha

  • when we were doing the real estate dance, we had my mother in law fix up the house. She is a dream. I wish it had looked that good the whole time I lived there. We did not put up other peoples art. That would be weird.
    We were moving to a town I had spent all of three hours at. Hubs lived here in a rental. It is also a sellers market. I got a lot of photos of houses that we were outbid on. Then I got photos of this house, with a note that said “the mud room and laundry room are a beautiful mustard yellow! I love it!” (did I mention hubs is colorblind?) This was the room that the sellers hadn’t gotten to, and it sold the house. Much of the house was that horrible “sellers neutral,” and got repainted pretty quickly. Kitchen is now also a beautiful mustard yellow, to match the mud room.
    so this comment turned out to be all about me.
    I meant to say something encouraging. Insert encouraging statement of your choice here _______________.
    thanks for your brilliant writing!

  • Don’t forget to bake an apple pie every time someone comes to look at your house. Hahaha! (I wonder if it actually does help…) Anyhoo, good luck and good thoughts. 🙂

  • Our last move was 900 miles from Oakwood, Ohio to Melrose Florida. I moved in March to meet our stuff, my husband was to follow in June when his youngest graduated from HS. Our “stuff” however went to Melbourne, Florida so I was here with 2 cats and no furniture for about 2 weeks. I had a sleeping bag on a pool float which, the cats thought was pretty cool but oh my aching back! I’ve never been so happy to have a bed!! We survived but now we are facing the prospect of possibly moving again. We had planned on buying our rental but the landlord is hedging. We want to own something. Once I’m fully recovered from my surgery we will dive into the market and see what comes up. I wish you well. Moving is stressful but think of all the crap you’ve unloaded! A new place will be like a clean canvas. Mazel…

  • The great thing about the staging is the catty remarks will be aimed at the someone else’s taste, not yours. We’re idly looking at places as mine is a long way from being sold, and I spend a lot of time saying (to my computer),”What were they THINKING. ” Also,”They ARE going to paint, right?” So you’re good.

    But man I feel for you-the thought of my home being inspected gives me the willies.

    • We just got the furnace and central air checked and they are good. I’m not too worried about painting a new place because I’m a fucking expert now. haha.

      Still, I’m not going to breath easy until after next week.

  • Thoughts sent your way! Hopefully you guys will sell just fast enough as needed to have time for your next step/move.
    I’ve always wanted someone to stage my house. I don’t want to move. Just want someone to make it look like adults instead of haven’t come to terms with their age live here.

  • Heheheh. It was, for us, my husband’s job (where he has been for 20 years… hired a week before the ‘must be city resident’ requirement took effect) that put us a month ago where you now stand. He got a promotion, which sorta meant he was kinda a new hire, and so we have to pack up and move three motherfucking miles into the city.

    We have a new place. I think. I mean, we are under agreement in a place in the city. Whether or not our seller has some massive reservations before closing and decides to tell us to fuck off, I can’t predict… We paid extra for the joy of being given time to list our house while offering on the one we are buying, but we are paying for it in the form of meltdowns from all sides of the transaction.

    We sold our house, also in a “hot market,” in four days. And the offers all seemed… legit… like, no one offered to pay in Dunk’s coupons (we’re in Massachusetts, it is totally fucking plausible). And so it appears as though our buyers are going to work out, which is great, and we have a house to go to, in theory. But isn’t it terrifying anyway?

    And we swore and probably got black lung making our kitchen less tired looking with sanders and stain (now it is just us looking weary)… but it was probably worth it. Probably.

    The insane thing, Michelle, is the idea that we are going to have to paint the walls in the new place too. I hate that sort of shit, and… I feel like I am looking forward to it. I am not, it is the madness speaking, this can not be over fast enough. ..

    But I hope it works as smoothly for you as it has for us, lady. (I mean, except for that 48 hours of horror and blood flecked spray it don’t say it screaming. It is a hard transaction for everyone, alas. Especially if half the parties involve consist of one quarter dumbass.)

    Best of luck, and thank sweet baby Jeebz that that artwork isn’t yours to keep.

    • I so feel all of this. I know we’re going to have to paint again. I don’t want to and I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m looking forward to it. haha.

  • Not having your plan nailed down can be stressful.
    When we moved out of the foundry, we stayed at an Air B&B for a week, then drove up to Yosemite and visited our friend Zsuzs for a week, while John decided whether he wanted house mates or not.
    He did, and we love it here, but the landlord has asked us to re-submit applications (we already did so last year, credit reports and everything) after the neighbor (this is a duplex) had to move so some of the landloed’s relatives can move in, and that queasy, what-the-fuck-is-gonna-happen-now? feeling is beginning to seep in at the edges again.
    Whatever happens will be better that the foundry, though, so I’m not too freaked out about it this time.

    It really is weird having people come in and sell your house while you still live there. We went through that in the late eighties when the rental we had lived in for five years got sold out from underneath us. That turned out to be the beginning of a very strange adventure, but it did suck at the time.

    I predict that you will find a place that you will end up loving, and the story of how you got there will end up being the basis for a bunch of excellent blog posts…

  • Heh heh – Curtis (my son’s dumb ass Pit Bull: great w/people but a menace to livestock) has already sacrificed goats so I’ll offer that up on your behalf…
    I don’t envy you one tiny bit – I will leave my farmhouse hopefully in the coroner’s wagon, or else be dragged out hanging on by teeth & fingernails.
    But thank whatever deities you currently worship that Hubs undertook garage clean-out which was SO desperately needed, I’m gonna owe him big-time after this!
    Good luck!

  • Oh, Sweetness.
    You are one tough cookie and that man of yours is top notch in the Hell department.
    I have no words of wisdom, just deep sympathy pangs and hopeful hopings for a quick transfer.
    You Are Doing Awesome!

  • How great is it there are house stagers? Because no one would buy a house with my art in it either LOL.

  • The first place I bought on my own was a bust 3 days before closing when I had given notice on my apartment. But within the month I had an even better place for less money. Hang in there. I’ve moved 8 times in the last 20 years and you will survive. Throw away/ donate and pare down. You will survive.

  • The first place I bought on my own was a bust 3 days before closing when I had given notice on my apartment. But within the month I had an even better place for less money. Hang in there. I’ve moved 8 times in the last 20 years and you will survive. Throw away/ donate and pare down. You will survive.

  • the last two times we have sold our home we moved out before it went on the market. This reduced our stress levels dramatically. Yes, it meant an extra financial burden but not having to clear out so someone could walk around in our space was necessary for our mental health. Our last house sold in 13 days after 24 showings- I was so glad that I didn’t have to pack up cats, dogs, husband, myself and all our stuff twice a day for two weeks (on average). Good luck to you, I hope it sells very quickly indeed.

    • That would have been the ideal scenario, but there’s no way we could swing that. Our house should sell super fast. I hope. I just want this over with.

  • Ugh! Can’t even imagine selling a house. And being in it when it was no longer ‘you’. Best wishes!!
    Bury a St Christopher statue in the front yard-upside down I think- it’s suppose to help!

  • Just for shits and giggles today, I walked through three open houses in my dream neighborhood. There are elements of the first two that are absolutely “vision board” worthy – let’s send all the good juju out into the Universe to manifest EITHER of those houses in MY near future, and that’ll bring with it countless other measures of “success”! The third one had significantly more cons than pros, so I’m grateful to have walked it, so I can rule it out.
    Your house has been on the market almost two weeks now, by my reckoning. I bet you’ve already sold it. Hopefully, you’re also well into the process of closure on your new home, too! (That’s a “my lips to God’s ears” thang, on your behalf).
    Yes, I’m still playing catch-up in my blog reading. It’s kind of exciting!

By Michelle


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