Randy and I have four children.
When I say children, I mean three of them are adults and one of them is in the final sprint out of childhood. My older son turned 28 a few days ago. Little sister will be 30 next week, and her sister is so firmly entrenched in her 30s, that she might as well be 40.
(Just kidding, big sister)
She’s only 32.
All of our children are intelligent. They are spawning new children who are also talented and intelligent.
My baby boy, Joey, was something when he was very small.
He had a vocabulary of around 20 words by the time he was 10 months old. He started reading at age 3. The summer before he started kindergarten, he read Animal Farm.
At the time, I wasn’t surprised he could read the words. He had been reading for two years by then. Plus, he constantly looked for new things to try. I didn’t think, however, that there was any way he was comprehending what he read. So I asked him “Joey, what do you think of the book?” And he responded “I’m pretty sure the pigs are going to take over.”
I stood corrected.
So when I tell you about the following exchange I had with my son, you know that I am not making fun of a kid with limited intelligence. This happened with my seemingly normal, above average intelligence, child.
Joey: So, mom, someone left a box of candy by the dumpster at work.
Joey: Yeah, it was still wrapped in cellophane, so we took it inside and put it in the walk in freezer.
Joey: So we could eat it.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me? You picked up a box of chocolate by a goddamn dumpster and you ATE it? I would have thought by now I wouldn’t have to say “Joey…don’t eat food left by a dumpster”.
Joey: It was really good.
Me: For all that is fucking holy. Seriously. Don’t do that. I don’t care if it was wrapped up. Someone could have poisoned it or pissed on it.
Joey: Yeah, after me and a girl at work ate some of it, someone said that it could have been poisoned.
Joey: It wasn’t poisoned though. I checked.
Me: You are going to have to explained to me how you checked.
Joey: I ate a few more pieces.
At that point, I was laughing too hard to be mad at him. Also, it’s kind of nice when you family hands you blog material gift wrapped like this.