That is actually a question. How? Because I suck at being a grown up. I’d be totally cool with not being great at being an adult, but sucking at it? Well, it pretty much just sucks.
It’s not that I haven’t acquired any adulting skills. I have. My progress is plodding, but moving in the right direction.
For instance, something that adults do, is they purchase items to enhance their basic comfort levels.
When the weather turns cold, a functioning adult will say: “I feel uncomfortably cold. I think I will put a hat on my head to minimize my discomfort as much as possible.” They don’t spend nearly every winter with a cold, damp head because they haven’t gotten around to buying a hat. Not that I’ve spend every winter hatless. I used to have a really cute black felt hat, but a few years ago, it opted to go live with all my missing socks.
Anyway, this winter, I bought myself a hat. It’s adorable. It’s a black and gray knitted bucket hat with a bow on the side. I would take a picture and show it to you, but I lost it.
I’m not even kidding. I literally got the hat from Amazon in the mail, today. I opened the package, tried on the hat and I love it. I thought to myself Self, don’t lose this hat. You can do it. You haven’t lost that one pair of sunglasses for two years now so I know you have it in you. You can hang on to this hat. I know you can. Go you!
Then, I put the hat somewhere and I think it might be gone forever. I looked for ten minutes for that stupid hat.
Losing things is a central theme in my lacking adult skills.
Like my bifocals. I really need my bifocals. I don’t need them to watch TV or to drive, my vision in those areas are fine. Mostly. But I do need them for computer work and for reading.
I lost my bifocals three years ago. I’ve been relying on drugstore readers since. I finally decided to do the grownup thing and get an eye exam. It’s been so long that they didn’t have my records. My prescription changed a bit. Anyway, Randy and I both got new glasses. We sent our prescriptions in to one of those online eyeglass places that are super cheap and it mostly worked out. Well, it worked out for Randy. He can see. It did not work out so well for me. My glasses distorted everything. I can see with them, but the world looks like one big fun house mirror.
Did I return them in time? Nope. Did I order new ones? I did not. Am I still using drugstore readers at work that have two broken places in the frame and sit whopperjawed on my face? Yes. Yes, that is what I am doing. Those broke ass readers are the only thing between me and unemployment. I can’t see my computer screen at work without them. Which means they stay on my desk at work. So I don’t have any here. I can’t see shit on this laptop. I think I’m writing about losing shit, but I don’t fucking know for sure. I might be writing about Peter Dinklage and beer that tastes like grandma’s sugar cookies.
I want to do a little better next year. I want to improve my adulting skills more in 2017.
I will be honest here, 2016 wasn’t my best year at learning lessons and making improvements.
2016 was a dick. I know I’m not alone in feeling this. I mean, it appears our president elect is stocking his cabinet with batman villains. We started out the year with Randy in the hospital for nearly half the month of January. Anxiety has been kicking my ass for a while now, but I know I am not alone. I don’t know anyone who isn’t going through some sort of shit.
Just because I didn’t learn a lot in 2016 doesn’t mean I didn’t learn anything about being adultier.
I learned while Randy was in the hospital that I can still go to work and mostly function while being terrified. I made my peace with the fact that one day, either Randy or I will have to finish up our time on earth without the other. By “made my peace with it” I mean “I hate it and it can suck my dick”.
I learned that no matter how bleak life gets, Randy and I can always find something to laugh at. I am pretty sure that skill is going to come in handy for the next 4 years.
I also know that no matter how difficult the year was or how difficult next year will be, I am still thrilled and grateful to be walking this earth. What a kick it is to be alive.
Even if I suck at being an adult.
Note: The use of the word “whopperjawed” is a tiny tribute to my sorely missed and much loved mother in law, Bonnie.
So, good news. I found the hat. Maybe, I’m going to be successful at adulting after all.