I bought a necklace with a huge fake diamond solitaire pendant from eBay once.
I think I paid $5 for it.
I wore it to a meeting at work and the HR manager sat down next to me and said “Is that real”?
My response? “In the sense that it’s not imaginary”.
I remembered that as I laid in my bed, browsing through celebrity articles, when I saw a headline telling me how to tell if a handbag is a knock off or not.
How absurd.
I don’t give a fuck about other women’s handbags. If I am in the market for a purse and I find one in my price range, then I will buy it. I don’t care who designed it.
The article was a slide show and I hate slide shows, so I only looked at the first panel. The zipper should have YKK or some other letters on it. If the bag is a Prada bag, then the ‘R’ should have a curve to it.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never taken the time to examine the letters stamped on a zipper on another woman’s purse. Or my purse, either.
I got sucked into the whole ‘designer’ thing for a while. I bought knock offs because fuck paying hundreds and hundreds of dollars for a purse. I bought some designer shoes from eBay and then had to have the ‘ew, you are okay with putting your feet in another woman’s shoes?’ conversation when people at work asked where I got them.
Yes. Yes I am. It’s not like I licked the shoes. I didn’t rub the shoes all over intimate parts of my body. I put my feet in the shoes. These are the same feet that I’ve walked barefoot in as often as possible. I can guarantee the time I walked around the ER in my bare feet was more disgusting than buying used shoes. I was on morphine at the time, though.
Besides, once I put my feet in used shoes, then they have my feet juice in them and they are claimed.
To each their own, is what I say. Really. Spending the equivalent of my monthly mortgage on a purse is up to you. If that makes you happy, then rock on.
For me, it seems silly. I carry a canvas messenger bag that was meant to carry an iPad as a purse. It’s getting shabby, so it might be time to move on. When I do, I won’t be examining the zippers or the curve of the letters. If anyone else examines my bag that closely…well, I’ll probably write a blog post about them.
I think we worry about the wrong things being fake.
We fake being nice.
We fake concern.
Politicians and advertisers are fake.
We’re constantly being told we aren’t good enough. We need to dress better and smell better. We work our asses off so that we can spend a fuck ton of money on a bag that we buy to impress other people.
If only I had that bag that I saw a celebrity carrying, then I would feel fulfilled. I would have what she has and then I’m valid.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t have pretty things. I’m not saying we shouldn’t buy quality. I’m just saying that you can buy a gorgeous and well made purse without spending hundreds or thousands of dollars.
Maybe if we’re going to write ‘spot the fake’ articles, we should focus on my old boss. Or an article telling me if a person is authentic or not. That might be helpful.
I like fake plants, though. I have much more luck keeping them alive.
…how to wipe the fake smile off someone’s face
….real responses to fake compliments
…ten ways to blow-off a fake friend
Now those are articles I’d bother to read.
Right? Unless they are a slide show.
Michelle, I have a knock off purse I want to mail to you!! I’m serious, it is a CHLOE I bought it in Beijing, China, at the Silk Factory….it is metallic bronze color. Send me your address and I will seriously mail it to you!!!! I loved this article….it is so true, if I had the money to buy a $1,000 purse I wouldn’t do it…it is insane, however, a pair of Loubotone’s (spelled incorrectly) you know the shoes with red soles, I’d love to have a pair just to say I have them. Ha Ha and I’d wear them to and show everyone my soles every chance I got! You are hilarious and make me laugh. I think you will really love it and it will be a good conversation at lunch with your co workers!
Hahaha…awesome!! Thank you! I’ll email you.
Very well said. I have to tell you that THIS, what you write about here, is a huge reason why I no longer have anything to do with the PTA. And I’m not kidding. It’s a huge contest of who is carrying the better designer bag or wearing cuter designer shoes. Not my thang, people! I won’t tell you I don’t have a Michael Kors bag….but I will tell you I didn’t pay hundreds of dollars for it. I know a good deal when I see one.
As for spotting fakes, I happen to be much better at spotting fake people than fake bags because like you, I don’t give a rat’s ass. About the bags. I care very much about the fake people. I need to know which way to run.
Exactly! Knock yourselves out with the stupid, meaningless competition…
I wouldn’t recognise a fake handbag if someone wrapped me on the head with it. But I do like handbags, they always fit and I can buy them in shops where the clothes don’t.
I remember when my niece got married that we had a conversation about shoes. She had ‘invested’ in a pair of Jimmy Choo’s. I asked her if they were any more comfortable than the ones I was wearing which had cost a fraction of the price. The agony on her face told me everything I needed to know.
As for spotting fake people, it would be handy if a comprehensive checklist could do the rounds, in the meantime I stick to the mantra of always judging actions over intentions. What people do is always more consistent and more telling than what they say.
I do have to mention that I’m a little disturbed by the idea of feet juice though, it’s something I’m going to have to make an effort not to think about!
I do have a few fake plants, but even they look half dead. I seem to have that effect on plants and have even managed to kill a cactus and an aspidistra. I can wither a leaf at twenty paces!
Hahaha…okay..sorry about the feet juice.
Okay, I’m not REAL sorry.
“in the sense that it’s not imaginary…” hahahaha. perfect.
Thank you! 🙂
I thought the same thing. I would have laughed so hard if I’d been in that room.
She wasn’t at all amused.
Must’ve had a humordectomy!
I hear that’s a painful procedure
I rarely even carry a purse with me anymore. I stick my shit in my pocket and am out the door. That’s just one more thing that I have to keep up with and after leaving it in every restaurant and store (even a park one time) I figure I’m better off without one. Now I use my laptop bag when I take it or just go without!
I need to take a page from your book. I do that shit ALL THE TIME
My daughter lives a thousand miles away. When she was going to college she lived alone, after having been betrayed by a local drug dealer into setting up house. She was unable to visit me, and I was unable to visit her but once.
For her birthday she asked for a handbag and even sent me a clip to show which one, and I found one on E-Bay for a decent price. What do I know about handbags. I sent it to her and she called me and told me how delighted she was with it, and with me for finding it for her. Twenty bucks either way, and one of us had to skip meals, but I love her and would gladly sell my blood to see her happy.
Then some cunt in her school said something out loud about her handbag being fake.
She was devastated, not by its lack of pedigree, but by the actions of her classmate, and called me in tears. I told her I tried the best I could to get her a pretty handbag, and I didn’t know anything about its being fake, and afterwards, called a buddy who is an executive at Max Factor down in NYC and talked to her. She, (my buddy Ursula) said to me there is only ONE true original of any fashion thing, and that ALL subsequent copies are not an original. We talked about this handbag and she researched it in depth and called me back to say even the original has at least five different copied editions, plus all the others that were not made by that company. “So whose is real?” she asked. “You made your daughter happy with your actions and your love. Fuck that other cunt and you tell Shannon to tell her she’s just a bitch.” This from a woman who earns better than two hundred K and lives on an island in the Caribbean. So my point here is that Love is real, and all that other happy crappy should flush down the commode.
See? This is what I’m talking about. WHY would that girl do that to your daughter? To what end? It’s so fucking meaningless.
Kudos to the expert!!!
The only original is the very first one created by the designer. I love a good handbag. My personal fave is Dooney. I don’t care if it is from eBay, Sacks or Dooney.com. I have plenty of others but I found the ones I like and they last forever. I would rather carry one for years than carry 10 for a few months each. But that is my personal thing… I would NEVER EVER say something ugly about another persons handbag. That is RUDE. Maybe it is because I don’t really care if it is real or not…its not imaginary 🙂 … so that makes it real and also copy … just like mine and everyone else’s because the original is in some designers office.
It’s terribly rude! And I don’t know why people even care…
I’m going to borrow the phrase “feet juice”. That’s the nice thing about a phrase: I can borrow one from you without you having to actually give it up. I’m also borrowing the saying that you should never criticize a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away when you criticize them, and you have their shoes.
This reminds me of that Guy de Maupassant story “The Necklace”, about a young woman who borrows a necklace and gets one wonderful night out of it, then loses it and ruins her life earning the money for a replacement. I think I’ve reached the spoiler limit so if you don’t know the story you can find it, but the ending is a real shocker.
My feet juice is your feet juice. Or something like that. ew.
I admit I love a nice handbag. I collect them like works of art (LOL). I buy one or two a year and enjoy every moment of carrying them, and still use bags I bought 15 years ago. And I can spot a fake bag (or person) a mile away.
I like nice purses, I just don’t get spending so much money on them. I had a boss ask my opinion on a purse for his wife…at this point, we hadn’t had raises for over 4 years..he said that he didn’t want to spend a lot because he had just bought her one. The price of the purse was over 1500.00. I told him he was on his own.
Appreciating something nice for yourself is up to the individual, it’s just when it becomes a way to judge or compete that it seems absurd to me.
I mean, I buy deodorant that is 18.00. I LOVE it. Every time I order it, though…I go through the ‘THIS IS SUCH A WASTE OF MONEY’ then I buy it anyway. haha.
Deodorant is so worth the money!
I seriously stopped reading and started laughing at YKK zippers. Almost all quality zippers used in damn near anything are YKK brand. I have hundreds of them with my sewing supplies. I pay about $0.20 a piece for them when I buy them in bulk.
I will never understand the idea of an expensive possession allotting someone status- does it serve a purpose? Does its price indicate quality that will allow it to better serve its purpose? No? Then who cares. I want a new handbag I sit down and draft a pattern and make the damned thing! Costs me under $20 every time and I always like the results.
I am jealous of that skill…I would love to make my own!
You could learn! I used to be so awful at sewing but taking a beginning sewing class at our local JC helped me out so much! Mostly it gave me the sense to read instructions, ask the right questions, and have the courage to try new things. 🙂 Also, the internet. The internet helps a lot!
I probably could…I don’t know that I WILL though..haha
That is SO spot on. Boom! 😉
Thank you!!
You make me smile! This one is great. Although I might add that I have to be “fake nice” several times a day at my job. Some times these people are an absolute waste of human flesh, but I still need to be kind and understanding. (sick after)
Now about those purses……I just had a patient show me a tote she made from plastic shopping bags. I wanted it! I was hoping she would gift it to me….. Or how about the purses that are made from seatbelts?
I have NOT seen the ones made out of seatbelts…that sounds interesting though
I am definitely with you. Does it work? Is it cheap? Will it last more than two weeks despite being cheap? These are my major criteria for purses, shoes, and other items of “fashion”. Of course, I may be the least fashionable person I know, so there’s that.
Feet juice? Thanks…now you’ve ruined me for buying used shoes on Ebay. 😉
Hahah…sorry?
I am so sick of fake sentiments, fake friends, fake promises…..
and don’t even get me started on fake boobs, and fake eyelashes 🙂
You? You are the real thing, though. Just sayin!
I try to be. I really do. I don’t always succeed.
I’m too braintired to say anything except “fuck yeah”
so
fuck yeah.
I will second that fuck yeah
This is a wonderful post. I agree with everything you have mentioned. It is absurd what people do in light of ignorance and the alterable desire to please other people. CHEERS to fake plants and knock-offs. Slideshows can fling themselves off a cliff.
Haha! Yeah..to hell with the slideshows!!!
I used to get that “is this real?” question all of the time back when I made jewelry. I finally got sick of it and started answering “No, I think you are hallucinating it…”
Exactly! Of COURSE it’s real.
Absolutely spot on! I just can’t fathom how anyone can pay £700 plus for a handbag, I could have a holiday for that and I can’t afford one of those either.
My latest handbag cost a tenner from my local shop and has skulls and roses on it. It makes me happy, people often comment on it and say they love it but I don’t care if they do or don’t. I will use that one till it drops to bits!
🙂
Ba ha ha at “In the sense that it’s not imaginary” Doubly so as the person asking the idiotic question was from HR.
I haven’t seen your bag, but I covet it. It sounds awesome.
Yeah..it was pretty funny..the HR person. She wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed…
I don’t think I have ever paid more than ten bucks for a purse. My purse is not a status symbol It is a repository for receipts, wallet, hair brush, tweezers, and chapstick. Occasionally the chapstick melts and the purse ends up in the trash. . How much would it suck if I had spent a small fortune on that sucker? I obviously cannot be trusted with an expensive purse. Or shoes – I would probably step in a mud puddle.
I think the most I’ve paid for a purse is 80.00. Usually, it’s in the 25 – 35 range. I don’t buy them often, though. I need a new one..maybe that’s why I’m writing about it.
A great article and I’m with you all the way. First, I wouldn’t know a real or fake bag if you hit me in the head with it. And the only reason I even know Michael Kors is anything (really, they make bags?) is because he leaves spam comments on my blog CONSTANTLY. 😀
I remain blissfully unaware of most fashion “do’s” and I’m OK with that. If you do figure out a way to spot fake people, false pretenses, and just general BS that people hand you, send it my way and sign me up!
I am usually pretty good at evaluating people…but I’ve been snowed before…you just never know.
I want to know how to spot the (online) fakes too. Add me to the ‘notify’ list when you guys figure that out! Thanks!
Hahah..it might be a while…I am way too trusting
I have a Coach bag (it is very small. Like, disproportionately small for my needs) because an outlet opened by my family and now most of the womenfolk are in possession of Coach bags. It is black leather (perfect for me) and very soft. Otherwise I’m indifferent.
People are far too wrapped up in shit like this, I agree. Anytime a designer thing I like catches my eye (like Mark Nason boots, for an example), it’s because I like it, not because I give a tinker’s damn about the label™
Yes!! If you like it, then you like it. For instance, I want a pair of Fluevog shoes..I won’t get them though because I can’t bring myself to spend that much money.
True story from the UK, a few years ago we had a government minister who was blind and had a guide dog. He was having an affair with a married woman and his guide dog badly chewed her handbag. She totally lost it, screamed at him, did he realise how much it cost etc. He sent his aide to the shops to replace it only to find it was a Birkin bag with a price tag of £13000 (yup that is thirteen thousand English pounds) and had a waiting list of nine months. The world is crazy – you could change a lot of lives for thirteen grand.
Love your posts Michelle – keep em coming!
Thank you!!
It’s amazing that someone is willing to spend that much on a bag. It is so wasteful.
Once upon a time I got a surprisingly large book advance. I decided that the thing I really really wanted was a purse. A really excellent purse, the kind I wouldn’t normally be able to buy. Maybe with some designer’s name on it, but the point was that I wanted an “investment” purse. (I know. I was dumb. It was a phase.)
I walked into the fancy purse store, and stood there looking at the price tags. I could have bought any of them, and I’d allotted the money, but somehow I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I left the store, went to a normal store and bought a normal purse, and lived happily ever after.
Okay, that last bit is a lie. But I lived about as happily as I would have with a really expensive purse. Maybe more so.
I probably would have done the same. I talk big..but when it comes down to it..I usually take the cheaper route.
I like fake plants, too. Except then they get dusty – have you ever tried to clean a fake plant? It’s a pain in the ass and since I live in the desert, they get dusty a lot. I think I may give up – after all, you don’t see anyone cleaning the real shrubs and trees outside, do you? What’s a little dust?
Hahaha. I just throw them away if they get shabby.
“In the sense that it’s not imaginary.” I am stealing that. I love your writing, Michelle. Just another stupid-ass fangurl. Sayin’.
Maybe ten years ago, I abruptly decided, “No more purse” based on an article I read on the internet, because I do everything the internet tells me. The article said women who carry purses weren’t taken as seriously in business and all, and hoo-boy, a light bulb went on, “No wonder they mess up my order at Taco Bell.” So ever since then I carry a “laptop” bag that has just enough space for a MacBook and a wallet and keys. It’s NOT a purse. It’s also that nail polish color I mentioned, seriously, it is. (Got it from here — I’m sure you and your readers are breathlessly wondering.) BEST damned “non-purse” I’ve ever owned by far.
oohhh…thank you for the link.
And thanks for the rest too..it just made my shitty day at work a little better. 🙂
Fake plants are a big yes. Except when my mom tries to water them, thinking that they are the remainder of a long-dead attempt at my keeping “live” plants.
I bought a Gucci bag at Goodwill once. Turns out it was a fake, but at the time I was all OH MY GOOODDDD GUCCI. For ELEVEN DOLLARS!! squeeeeeee
Of course, it wasn’t, because yeah, the tiny label inside said “made in China” which I’m pretty sure Gucci ISN’T. But, aside from the built-in glitch where it randomly twists upside down and DUMPS ALL MY STUFF OUT, which could be why it was at Goodwill in the first place, it looks really nice, and no one has ever noticed either way. I do have a real Coach bag and a D&B bag that were both gifts, and I promise–NO ONE has ever commented on either of them.
haha, I did have the same thing happen with my zirconia/fakie diamond studs I always wear, with a matching pendant necklace. I was watching all the toddlers at a Wednesday night church things, and one of the moms actually asked me “Are those real??” I was like, “Um. Yes. Yes, they are. Because I always wear $100K of diamonds when I babysit.” what. the. heck.
HAHAHA..what better time to show off your expensive jewels?
The only fake I ever worry about buying is fake food. I want to know what goes into my body and not have to look it up on the internet to see if it will kill me. My clothes and shoes can be dirt cheap for all I care. I would even take free if I could get it!
I am with you, AmberLynn..I don’t spend a lot on clothes. I love consignment shops.
As I have always said and believed, designers ought to pay me to advertise their logo and little letters on their geegaws if they want me to sport their stuff. Pffft to paying. I am a high class act who bought my last purse at the local thrift store.
Funny…Randy has always said the same thing. Why would you PAY to advertise for someone?