I Hate To Name Drop, But I’m Friends With John Cusack

Really! John Cusack spoke to me on Twitter.

He said, “Thanks”.

That might not be MUCH to base a friendship on, but I really feel it’s enough.  And fuck you, it’s my blog, I can dream if I want.  In either case we’re friends now.

I’m pretty sure that makes me a big deal.

Sadly,  I probably ruined the deep and profound bond between me and John Cusack by responding to his “Thanks”  in the worst  possible way. I WISH I could blame alcohol. There might have been a little alcohol involved, but not enough to blame.

This is how I responded:  “My pleasure. You’ve been entertaining me since..well…before I was menopausal”.

YES! I talked about menopause! With John Cusack!

Not only is that humiliating, it doesn’t even make much sense. I’ve been menopausal for about 5 minutes. Anything that has entertained me prior to menopause could have been as recent as last week.

I have let down every woman in the 40 – 55 age range. Take an informal poll. I bet nearly every woman you ask between 40 and 55 will admit to a least a LITTLE crush on Lloyd Dobbler.

It’s possible that the menopause tweet wasn’t the only one. This menopause one was bad enough. Just try to imagine the one (or possibly 3) tweets that I’m NOT willing to tell you about. Yeah, it’s that bad. Any of you who want to take the time to find it (them) in my timeline…have at it…but do me a solid and don’t fucking retweet them.

I had a total stargasm when I saw that tweet.

And THAT is my uncomfortable little segue into my thoughts about celebrities on Twitter. I have a column set up in HootSuite for the handful of celebrities that I follow. On occasion, I will stalk their timelines. What I have found is that, just like real life, people on Twitter are complete fucking assholes.

If a celebrity posts an opinion on twitter, they better have thick skin. If a celebrity posts a strong opinion, or an unpopular opinion, then they better be John Cusack

What on earth would compel a person to tell an actor what a complete hack he is? Or that she sucked in her last movie?  Wouldn’t it be better to just tweet that you hate yourself and your life and you are attempting to make yourself feel better by trying to tear someone down whose life you find enviable? Or is that over 140 characters?

Personally, if there is an entertainer or public figure that I do NOT admire, then I’m not going to follow them. For instance, unless someone I follow re-tweets Sarah Palin, I shall forever remain blissfully unaware of her Twitter presence.

I think it’s best that we try to remember what Thumper’s mother taught him. If you can’t say something nice….shut your fucking cake hole. Or, if you really can’t help yourself, at LEAST try to be clever.

On the other hand, it might have been a little more dignified if I had responded to John Cusack’s tweet with “I didn’t much like The Raven”.

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  • Omg, I can totally see myself doing that too! And, any woman who denies having a crush on Lloyd Dobbler is lying! I let me 13 year old watch it recently and she fell in love!

  • I’m not sure what movie Lloyd Dobbler was in but I do like John Cusack. I really love the quotable quote from Thumper’s mother. I remember it exactly the same way!

  • I loved this. shut your cake hole.
    I’m littered with no chill responses to anyone I admire.
    I talked to Monique at the gym once after Precious and I think I said
    “omg I lke literally loved you and hated you In that movie bc you were so good at your part like I literally like can’t even like omg omg like wow ”
    I get it.. I would have said the same thing to him. it’s beautifully john Cusack style. he’s all about authenticity !xo

  • Oh my I love John Cusak so much!!! I follow him on Twitter as well and I’ve been waiting for the day that he tweets me back. He’s been my man crush since I was 10 and I saw him in Weird Science. And the day he held aloft that Ghetto blaster to profess his love in Say Anything my heart belonged to him and Lloyd forever. I have to say I’m just a little jealous and now I have to step up my Twitter game.

By Michelle


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