I Think I Used Up All My Words

Today is Easter and April Fool’s Day.

Today is also my baby boy’s twentieth birthday.

I know I am no different than any other mother who feels like time didn’t treat us fairly when it comes to our kids. Time made them adults at a much faster rate than feels fair. But it feels like it’s different for me. That time went just a little faster for me.

My baby boy isn’t a baby. He’s an all grown up man.

Joey has always been precocious. He read Animal Farm before he started Kindergarten. He performed stand up for the neighbors at age 7. He started speaking before he was a year old.

Sometimes, it’s possible, that the torrent of words that flowed from my baby boy’s face hole could be exhausting.

I remember a day when he was around 4 years old when that flow of words tumbled out at a faster rate than usual. Frankly, I was surprised the kid was still conscious, one does have to take a breath every now and then.

I couldn’t take any more, so I told him he was going to use up all his words.

Joey: What do you mean?

Me: Well, everyone is assigned a specific number of words they can say during their life and if you use them all up now, then you won’t be able to talk when you’re an old man.

He stared at me with a look that said “you are a dumb ass.”

Joey: That’s preposterous.

Me:…

Me:…

Me: Those big words count as two, you know.

He was about the same age when we ran into my boss at a restaurant and, after listening to him for a few minutes, Joey told my boss he was supercilious. My boss challenged him to tell him what that word meant. Joey rolled his eyes and spoke slowly. “It means you think you’re better than everyone else.” And in the next breath, he asked my boss if we could go to his house and play Xbox. He may have had a good vocabulary, but he still had the diplomacy of a 4 year old.

Here’s Joey around age 8.

And here is a recent picture where he looks remarkably like Orlando Bloom.

joey

Happy Birthday, baby boy.

 

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Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. They grow up so fast…..your son has turned into a fine gentleman and a smart one, too. Happy Birthday to him!

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      They DO grow up so fast. I adore my son as an adult, he is engaging, thoughtful and funny as hell. But I do miss that little guy. I sure do.

      Reply
  2. Haralee says:

    Handsome! Glad you both haven’t used up all your words, big or small.

    Reply
  3. KK says:

    Wow, it’s been nearly 7 years since we met on-line thru Randy. I can’t believe Joey is 20 either!!! Time flies. Never use up your words!

    Reply
  4. Laurie says:

    Michelle, I can so relate to this! My baby boy is 18 and has always been witty and a very clever thinker. Sometimes, exhausting, but it’s kept this getting older mama on her toes. Both of my kids are always inspiring me in some way. However, I do think I need to tell my hubby about the word limit thing! Lol Love it 🙂

    Reply
  5. mydangblog says:

    I’ve got one of those too–last night, mine was explaining the finer points of AI toothpick theory while we played HQ trivia, our newest obsession. Yours really does look like Orlando Bloom–happiest of birthdays to him!

    Reply
  6. Emily says:

    Wow! Is he good-looking!

    My baby boy is now 41, with a daughter who is the sun in his universe.

    Reply
  7. Lisa K says:

    Damn… I never thought of ‘limited word supply.’ I just said, “Don’t care, Be quiet.”
    I have many regrets…

    My youngest told me, one time when I was driving him to school, that, “… it’s implied.”
    I still shake my head wondering where and how he came up with that.

    That is one fine looking addition for the Man <3
    Congratulations on his living despite his willy-nilly word casting!!

    Reply
  8. Brenda J Brown says:

    One of our Grandsons birthday was April Fools/Easter also. My goodness your son is a handsome young man.❣

    Reply
  9. You have a brilliant son, Michelle! “Animal Farm” before Kindergarten! OMG!

    Reply
  10. Barbara says:

    Happy Birthday to your baby boy! I didn’t really enjoy my boys until they were teens. Now one of them has a 16 year old! Time does fly. Wait till you’re planning weddings and baby showers!
    Enjoy it all!
    b

    Reply
  11. Doug in Oakland says:

    Wow, I didn’t read “Animal Farm” until High School. I did, however, learn to read when I was four.
    I became jealous of my sister, who got a little bookcase full of Nancy Drew Mysteries for her birthday, and I discovered that I couldn’t read them.
    My mom bought me this little metal whiteboard with plastic magnetic letters, after which I then proceeded to relentlessly hound her about the spelling and meaning of this word, that word, all of the words.
    How and why she didn’t just drown me in the lake and say it was an accident, I’ll never know, but before too long I was reading “The Mystery of the 99 Steps”, which, again, isn’t “Animal Farm” but was still one of the luckiest events of my life.
    Everything is different when you can read, and different again when you like to read. So many paths that lead to “meathead” were effortlessly avoided by that one little childhood event.
    You have raised a handsome young man, Michelle, and a guitar player, to boot.
    Yesterday I said that as an atheist, I was finding Easter on April Fool’s Day to be a hoot, but I didn’t know it was also Joey’s birthday…

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      I came home from lunch and he was laying on the couch reading Animal Farm. I knew he could read all the words, but I didn’t think he was comprehending it, so I asked how he liked it so far…he said “Well, I think the pigs are gonna take over”.

      Okay then…carry on.

      Reply
  12. It’s a weird thing, how fast they grow, isn’t it? Adorable child, handsome young man. Let’s hope we all have some words left at the end.

    Reply
  13. Connie says:

    Omg what a kid! You had your hands full in

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  14. Connie says:

    Okay I accidentally posted the above before I finished. I was going to say you had your hands full but in a good way. They grow up entirely too fast. Happy birthday Joey!

    Reply
  15. He does look like Orlando Bloom but I can’t get over the fact that he was born on April Fools’ Day. So was Lon Chaney, whose parents were both deaf. It sounds like there were times when you wished you’d been so lucky.
    Happy birthday Joey. I’m glad that in spite of all that you’ve already accomplished, and the great things in your future, you have not been afflicted with superciliousness.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      He’s a little supercilious. haha. And what other day would Randy and I have a kid. He was two weeks late. I KNEW he would be born on April 1st..and he was.

      Reply
  16. Ernie says:

    That is hilarious about your boss. Were there any reprucussions? Very creative way to tell a kid to shut his pie hole. My kids got the traditional ‘not now’ ‘be quiet!’

    Reply
  17. Lori says:

    Cute kid and so smart! It does look a little like Orlando. Haha!

    Reply
  18. Lori says:

    Sorry I meant “he” not “it” looks like Orlando Bloom. Grr Autocorrect!

    Reply
  19. Chase says:

    He really does look like Orlando Bloom! But like Pirates of the Caribbean Will Turner, not how is he so effing pretty? Legolas. Which is good because Will got the girl, and Legolas died alone. Or something… the movie had like 14 endings and I always have to pee really bad by that point.

    Also, thank you for making me not the only parent to offer books like Animal Farm to their small child; he’s grateful now, because re-reading them as he grew up gave him all new perspectives on his old favorites and each time is like a new story.

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      My kids were always encouraged to read what they wanted. It made for a few interesting conversations. Like when Joey asked me what “cunt” meant. He was reading The Mist, by Stephen King. Ummmm….cunt is a word you never say in front of grandma. Pretty sure that was my only explanation at the time. I think he was 7.

      Reply