I’m Covered In Bees! Updated

Have you seen Eddie Izzard’s stand up? Because if not, you are missing out. He’s fucking hilarious.

I stole one of his jokes for my title.

We need bees you guys. I am not an expert in any field, least of all bees, but I feel confident in saying that bees are important to our continued survival.

If any of you want to give me a detailed explanation of why that is wrong, please don’t waste your time. I also hope you get stung by bees. But not if you’re highly allergic. I’m not that mean. I hope it hurts, though. 

Also, there are probably types of work that I know even less about than bees. Like selling insurance or being a professional cheese sculptor.

Anyway, I learned about buying bees last year from a post by The Bloggess. I bought bees for Randy for Christmas last year. Every year, he guesses what he is getting. He wasn’t even close last year. This year, Middle Sister and I are buying our mother some bees.

The Bloggess has a wonderful post where she is donating to people who need help this Christmas and putting people together who want to give and who want to receive. Reading the comments made my head spin and made my eyes leaky.

I don’t have the resources or the brain power to pull something like that off, but I can suggest that we buy some bees? I mean, if you are looking for a gift for someone who is hard to buy for, why not spend $30 on some bees? How about for your secret Santa recipient at the office? I can almost guarantee that they will not expect to get bees for Christmas. And it’s not just bees they’d be getting, they’d be getting a great fucking story to tell at the family Christmas party.

Did I TELL you want my secret Santa got me? Bees! I swear, she is SO FUCKING WEIRD. 

Anyway, I just wanted to put a little buzz in your ear (not even sorry about that). Because the bees are dying and I’m pretty sure we need them. Plus, a family in need will be helped. It’s an all around win. Unique gift. Save the world. Help the poor.

Pretty sure buying bees makes us saints.

I’m covered in bees!

Updated on Friday evening:

I can’t stop watching that comment thread on the Bloggess’s post. I am obsessed with getting my fix of people being decent humans. More than decent, kind of amazing. It’s like reading the comments on a story about women’s reproductive rights except it feels the exact opposite.

Anyway, I can’t spend anymore money on people’s wishlists. (Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Randy, it wasn’t much). A few minutes ago I remembered I had a $10 Amazon card and it was like I found crack or something.

There’s a girl on there going by ElizabethOrBeth who has a GoFundMe campaign to help her not get evicted. I gave a few bucks. Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone who could easily donate a dollar went ahead and donated a dollar and we help her? Just a few days before Christmas? It’s like a goddamn Dickens story except there’s an internet.



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  • My neighbour had bees ( the same neighbour who is a massive overachiever in the birthday cake making department). Her bees left home. I swear. Even the bees couldn’t live up to her expectations. She planted them a special garden and hand stenciled something profound and poetic in French on their bee-box, and they up and left. As I’ve mentioned in one of my blogs, my magpies thought it was an all-you-can-eat buffet… which may or may not have had an influence on the mass exodus.
    We don’t do bees. But we do do the Oxfam goats and chickens and stuff. Does that count? Or is it just wrong and stinky to be covered in goats and chickens?

  • OMG. This is the first I’ve heard of the bee thing. I’m not sure I want to know more!I I could do laying chickens or goats that aren’t going to be eaten for food, but bees? Chill-inducing!

  • I remember my Grandfather swatting at some bees and telling me how important they were to his crops. And now I hear they are almost endangered. I love giving the gift of longevity and the idea of giving bees, especially as a Secret Santa gift.

  • Well now I feel kinda selfish. I bought some bees but for myself. Ah well, next year I’ll get some for the hubs or the kiddos. And I love what the Bloggess is doing and included links in my latest post as well. 🙂 bzzzzz

  • Love this post, it is so true 🙂 I think I will get some bees for myself! Thank you for making me smile during my least favorite time of year.

  • Absolutely agree on the bee front. Some smart guy (I want to say Einstein, but it might have been some other smart guy) said the world wouldn’t last more than a couple of years without bees.

    And we’ve donated to Heifer Intl. before–but not bees. This is a fantastic idea, thanks!

  • Maybe I should get my wife some bees, because I like my women the same way I like my coffee: COVERED IN BEES! And it would be the ideal repayment for the time she took me to see Eddie Izzard live.

    Not to distract from the importance of bees, but another of Eddie’s lines is great for saving a story. If you feel your audience’s attention starting to wane just throw in, “AND THEN HE STABBED ME!”

  • I would have read this post except for one thing. Bees. Those little bastards scare the shit out of me. Oh, not bees really–let’s be clear. It’s the hornets that look like bees. Yellow Jackets and European Bald-Faced savage Black and White Hornets. I hate those guys worse than Indiana Jones hates Nazis, and he hated Nazis A LOT.

    What about worms? I’d love to have worms for Christmas, feed ’em some compost. I could get behind worms no problemo.

  • This is great. I wish I could re-blog this as I am NOT this outwardly altruistic. I’m more quietly generous, like not stabbing certain people I work with with in the neck with my scissor and maybe once in a while buying Edita a nice gift for Christmas because sometimes she’s really not that bad. I mean, she’s actually quite a caring person; she just has a maddening way of never getting to the point of what she’s trying to say…

    I hope you have a great holiday! You’ve made me smile more times this year than I can count. Having humor in my daily life is a great thing so THANKS 🙂

  • I’m definitely FOR the Bloggess’ cause (and anything regarding her, including changing her name to the “Goddess!”) I only want to spend $30 on bees if they’re attack bees. There are a few people who really deserve a stocking full of attack bees this year, but please don’t tell Santa I said that!

  • Every so often I’ll get one of those massive, fuzzy bumblebees flitting around my garden. I think they are just fascinating to watch — until they come to close — then I run for my life, screaming like a little girl!

    • The great big ones that hover are carpenter bees and they don’t sting. I love those bees. They will buzz right by my face when we’re on the deck and just kind of check me out, determine that I”m not made of wood, and then fly away.

  • Thanks for this post. When I think of the difference some bees or a goat can make in the lives of so many, and then think about the way I live, it helps me keep things in perspective.

  • Okay you must be listening in around here. My husband is addicted to the Discovery Channel and he watches this show where they are keeping bees. Now he has decided he needs to as well. Not this year…to many big changes coming up but soon….I will get him his damn bees!

  • I have a large knot on the back of my neck from sitting hunched over in a very not-ergonomically-correct position, fixated on the comments from that blog post. So much shit in the world and all of a sudden we have our own little world where everyone acts the way they are supposed to. The only thing I don’t like about it is that it has not gone viral yet. WHY HAS IT NOT GONE VIRAL?! Can we at least nominate Jenny for the Nobel Peace Prize?

  • Jesus Christ. Please tell me there is more social media connected to this blog (and apologies for that little bit of taking-the-name in vain right before Christmas, I got stirred up).

    Yes, bees are important to our survival because without them we ain’t got no plants. That scenario really sucks for vegetarians. It also sucks for carnivores. Because what does livestock eat? Plants. And it sucks for people who breathe as well. Because what does the oxygen cycle require to function properly, other than animals? Plants.

    And yes they are dying. The bees.

    Now I have to go and look at that thread.

By Michelle


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