I’m A Six Goat Girl

Get your mind out of the gutter. I didn’t mean it that way. Perv.

Priscilla, Queen of the Cubicle and I are talking about the approaching storm and wondering if it will mean we’ll get some excitement at work this afternoon. In the meantime, we’re doing what we do best. Talking about nothing.

Me: I took a quiz on FB and it says that I’m only worth 6 goats. SIX. It didn’t even take into account that I can make really good cookies.

PQOTC: Hahahahah

Me: I think I’m worth at least a dozen goats.

PQOTC: What kind of goats?

Me: It doesn’t say.

This is the part where I send her a link so she can take the quiz.

Me: Hurry up. I want to know how many goats you are worth.

PQOTC: I’m hurrying! Hold your goats.

Me: Hahahah

Me: I mean,  Bababababa

Me: Maybe I am only worth 6 goats, but dammit, I’m going to be the best 6 goat girl I can be.

PQOTC: Dammit. 6. Maybe that’s the max

Me: Nope. I saw a 9 goat girl on FB.

Me: Hahaha. You’re only worth 6 goats, too. It’s probably because you don’t have a uterus anymore.

PQOTC: Dammit! I could get at least 3 goats for my uterus.

Me: You’re right though, it doesn’t say what kind of goats. We could be fainting goats or screaming goats. Not normal goats who don’t have zillions of videos on youtube.

PQOTC: Maybe we’re fighting goats! Or exotic goats!

Me: Paint me like one of your French goats.

Me: I’ve watched so many goat videos that it’s embarrassing.

PQOTC: Yeah, I’ve watched more than I care to admit.

Me: I’m missing ‘new copier’ training to have this goat conversation.

PQOTC: Why in the fuck do you need copier training?

Me: I guess I’ll never know since I blew it off.

PQOTC: Too bad. That’s a notable skill for a resume. It could make the difference on getting that next job.

Me: I’d rather talk about goats.

And this, my friends, is why I don’t know how to use the new copier at work.


Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Rocco says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I got 7 goats…..

  2. There’s an actual quiz? What are the questions like? What’s the criteria? Dammit. I’m going to take this quiz, aren’t I? That was rhetorical. We both know I will. *sighs* I’ll be back with my goat status……
    #$!%& these quizzes are taking over my life.

  3. WOOP! Here was the exact answer:
    8. Not only will his dad give you 8 goats, he’ll throw in his brother too!

    Now that’s how you start a Friday! I hope the brother’s hot.

  4. qwertygirl says:

    7 goats. And I ditched video conferencing equipment training at my office. If the system is so complicated it requires a two hour training session to explain how to use it, I want nothing to do with it. I’ll just use a conference bridge and email PowerPoints like they did in caveman days, thanks.

  5. Jana says:

    This reminds me of a story they used to tell us all the time in church when I was a teenager — it’s called “Johnny Lingo and the Ten Cow Wife” — basically, Johnny is looking for a wife and the one he decides on is a sullen, ugly girl. The other village girls brag about how many cows their husbands paid for them and tell her she will be lucky if Johnny pays one cow for her. Her dad decides to ask for three cows, thinking that way, when Johnny refuses, he can probably get one cow. But when he asks for three, Johnny says that is not enough for his wife — and pays an unheard of TEN cows! Apparently, finally feeling self-worth and true love, the woman is suddenly much more beautiful and everyone suddenly likes her.

    The moral of this story? Johnny and the girl’s father are assholes who believe a woman can be bought and sold — and that a woman’s value can be equated to a number of COWS! Also, village women are bitchy shrews and easily swayed in their opinions by large displays of wealth.

    That’s why I don’t go to church anymore 🙂

    • Michelle says:


      Yeah, that is a horrible church story. Our beauty is just a reflection of other people..our self worth is in their opinions and cows. Awesome

  6. Bratfink says:

    Your goat worth is:
    8. Not only will his dad give you 8 goats, he’ll throw in his brother too!
    They’d better be fainting goats because that shit is funny as hell.

  7. Lorien says:

    I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy – if you’re anywhere in “the desperate years” (28 and over – FOR FUCKING REAL, PEOPLE!!??) your goat-worth will be no more than 6. Maybe if I had lied and answered “Hot” to the fashionable question…

  8. Bratfink says:

    *I* am anything but desperate! I’m 57. /:)

  9. Kaye Winter says:

    I got 9! Woo hoo!

  10. Eva says:

    OK I got 9 – 9!!! I can’t imagine why either. I think it was “move and not embarrass the stinky guy” cause frankly my eggs are not farm fresh, I’m sharp tounged and not very subservient – things I imagine the kind of men who trade women for goats might be looking for. Is it stupid that this quiz and your funny post was the highlight of my day? can I get an extra goat for that?

  11. Doug in Oakland says:

    I got 7, but they made me lie on 2 of the questions. Also, could the training you missed have been about the operation of a 3-D printer with which you could print as many damn goats as you please?

  12. Deb says:

    Well, not to brag or anything, but here’s my results.

    “Your goat worth is:
    9. You’re almost the most beautiful girl here.”

  13. Dr. Feelrealgood says:

    Do Not Worry About De Goats:

    Goats are very, very good for you. They should sleep only in
    the television room because if they sleep in the kitchen
    they will eat it.

    Whenever my four wives are troubling for me
    I tell them: “Breeng De Goats!”


    You have goat, yes?
    Is he a he, and is his name Achhhmed?

    Or is she a she and needs to maybe be beaten, you think?

    Do not do this. She the She will wait until you sleep
    then bite you on your ass. Yes. I know.

    (P’Tah, the El-Daoud)

  14. Jackie says:

    7… but like:

    Age options: 28+ years old (the desperate years)

    WHAT? Sweet Jesus.

    Question 6: What’s your current situation?
    Unemployed but it’s okay, my husband/boyfriend will pay for everything

    Those are the ONLY options? LOL

    But now I crave goat cheese.

    • Michelle says:

      Yes, I agree, they didn’t ask enough questions. They don’t even know how many grapes I can get in my mouth at once. That should earn me at least another half goat.

  15. AlienCG says:

    I am worth….9…NINE!…Goats. Bow before me!

  16. ThingsRFine says:

    First I was 8 goats. Next I lied and lied and tried new lies until finally I became a 10 goat girl:
    10. Marriage material. Natalie Portman, is that you?

    So I guess this means Natalie Portman would let her loved one die, because I think that is the question that pushed me up to 10 goats. 🙁

  17. Val says:

    NINE goats, bitches! & they’re all Boer goats too 😉

  18. Paint me like one of your French goats made me bust up laughing. I am ALWAYS looking for a way to slip that into conversation and you just nailed it.

  19. Me says:

    PMSL _ I wish I worked with you !!!

  20. Mine said I’m not even worth a field mouse….hm….

    Oh well.

  21. Honey says:

    I got a ten and I didn’t cheat.. but the test is still sexist garbage.

  22. Liv says:

    Hahahahahahahahaha. Seriously. What’s the website?