It Took Six Decades

But I did it.

Yes, it took six decades. I addressed an uncomfortable situation.

I walked right into some shit and I fucking handled that shit. I did. I handled it. I stood up for myself. I even was slightly abrasive.

I mean, in the end, I completely misread the situation, but that’s not the fucking story.

I stood up for myself. After living most of my life almost never standing up for myself. But last week? I did. On incomplete information.

The story might be me misreading the situation, but whatever.

So, last week at work was kind of stressful.

And there are new people. A lot of new people. Also, they make noise. I do not like noise. I prefer no noise or my noise. My noise is in my headphones and it is not even a little quiet, but I control all the sounds. It’s my noise. I don’t mind my noise. I hate other people’s noise. At the risk of sounding like the Rain Main, might I say that I don’t like noise at work?

Also, if you misspell noise as nose, it’s funny. I don’t like other people’s nose. Which might be true. Maybe, I don’t. But I probably like them more than my nose because my nose is kinda funny looking. 

Anyway, it was a shitty week. On Friday, I walked in to the office at 7 goddamn A.M. because that is when I get to work and two of the new people where already in my room. Until last April, when I got to work in the morning, one of my best friends on the planet would already be there. But she fucking retired. And now there are new people.

I walked in and one of them said “Well shit. And now she’s here.”

Then, they stopped talking and sat down in their respective cubicles.

I laughed a bit and said “Okay, then.”

I sat down and started my morning routine.

And then I got pissed.

Wait? What? What? 

Normally, what I would do in this situation is pretend it didn’t happen and go about my day.

Oh, it would drive me insane and I would think of a million ways to handle it, but I wouldn’t actually do anything.

I stood up, stepped to the right of my cubicle and said “Okay, so the two of you? I’m going to put my headphones on, turn the music up really loud and then you can continue the conversation you were having that is clearly none of my business.”

New person one: Oh, no. I just know you really want the door closed, but I like it open first thing in the morning, because I can hear the printer and know when my invoices are done printing.



Me: All I heard was “Well shit and now she’s here” and then you both stopped talking.

New Person one: I guess it did sound bad.

New Person two: It did sound kind of bad.

Me: Okay, I don’t mind if the door is open first thing in the morning. But when everyone else gets here, then dear god, it has to close. They’re so fucking loud.

Then, I told them about an article I read about scientist bringing pig cells back to life and everything was okay.

I finally stick up for myself and I was wrong. Kind of.

I mean, I don’t think my reaction was unreasonable.

Also, fuck bringing pig cells back to life.

You don’t open the tomb. You don’t read from the scary book. You don’t say a name three times while looking in a mirror and you don’t bring goddamn pig cells back to life.

This is how we get pig zombies. Do we really need pig zombies right now?

No. No we do not.

I’ll just be here in my goddamn cubicle keeping to myself.

How was your week?



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  • Some days are just ‘those kind of days’. Now it’s Monday and that brings a whole different set of issues! Hope the rest of your week goes well!

  • I hope things get better. It’s not good for your health to start out a morning with your blood pressure rising. You need to find a way to calm yourself. Your stress even comes out in your writing. Sending a calming, hug, Beth

  • Once a pig is dead there’s only one place for the cells to go, and that’s into the oven or frying pan. And from there….YUMMMM!

  • Good for you! Yeah, that did sound hinkey. If they want the door open, so they can hear things printing, they can talk to you like effing adults. Saying “well shit, now she’s here,” and not saying anything TO you is rude. You pointed out the dickish behavior. You weren’t wrong. People everywhere seem to have forgotten the basic rule of common decency: do what you need to do, but don’t be a dick about it, and if it’s going to impact someone else, communicate like a grown-up. You called them out on acting like 6th graders busted for smoking in the john. The proper behavior for new person one and new person two would have been to say, “oh good, she’s here – hey Michelle, do you mind if I leave the door open while my invoices are printing, so I can hear when they’re done?” Now, was that so hard?

  • It’s funny how sometimes nothing is what it seems. You were right to assume what you did, although the situation was completely different than what you thought. But unless you said something and cleared the air, that misunderstanding would’ve festered. Bravo!

  • Good for you. I would certainly have been offended if that had been my reception arriving at work. Just wow! I too, dislike noise in general. I have never done the loud ear bud thing though. I am super noise sensitive. Some noises actually hurt me and it has caused me a lot of drama in my life. I sometimes have to wear special ear protectors when in noisy places. Such is life. I hope this is the start of a new beginning for you. 🙂

  • Now I’m rethinking the craving for a carnitas taco I was having… NO. Fuck that. If those fuckers try to reanimate my goddamn taco, I’ll have to cook it again, because everyone knows you don’t eat undercooked pork.
    Your story reminded me a little of a girl named Joy who got hired at the Sizzler Steak House in Eureka where I worked. She was cute, about 16 and had braces on her teeth. Also, her dad was the homicide detective for the Eureka Police Department. After a while she got sick of the silence that fell in the back kitchen whenever she came back there, so she stood in the middle of it with her hands on her hips and said: “Listen guys, my dad is the homicide detective, he doesn’t care about your dope, so you don’t have to stop talking whenever I’m around, OK? If you kill somebody, he’ll get ya, but he doesn’t care what you smoke.”
    I sort of adored her for that, and had kind of felt bad for her whenever that did that to her. It seemed really rude.

  • I’m coming to this late and I’m sorry because I feel like I should read through the comments because I’m sure everyone else has already said that “Well shit, she’s here” was a totally inappropriate thing to say. It’s not something I’d say even about someone I worked with who I didn’t like. And I get being quiet in the office. People are trying to concentrate. Some people still make phone calls and they don’t need a lot of background noise.
    And I’ll just go ahead and say it: that one person who has to tell you some stupid shit that happened to their son’s cousin’s friend so that you’re six degrees of don’t give a fuck before they even start talking? I’d rather deal with the pig zombies.

  • Michelle,
    Yeah, that sounded really bad. I’d have done the same or worse. And good for you for standing up for yourself. Sorry you had a shitty week. Hopefully, next week will be better and without all the noise. And no, we don’t need pig zombies unless they’re here to quiet those getting on our last nerve.

By Michelle


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