I read a comment that someone posted on Facebook. It was raw and honest and I could feel the pain in it.
This is a person with talent and compassion and a heart bigger than the Grinch’s heart after it grew ten sizes. This person is a cheerleader and is encouraging and helps people with the same frequency in which I curse other driver’s on the road. So you know, a lot.
I thought about this person and considered how much I appreciate her and how much I admire how she helps people.
I wondered, after reading her comment, if perhaps, she ever suffers from the same fears and insecurities that I suffer from. I mean, not the same ones, that would be weird. You know what I mean.
Sometimes when I write about self-acceptance I am not so much feeling it as I am talking myself into it. Sometimes, I feel like a huge fraud because I don’t always feel the positive changes that I write about. Or I feel them and they are fleeting.
I try, though. I do try to find them again when they flit away.
I wondered how other people feel about their flaws. I wondered if other people sometimes wonder if they are showing a face that is more brave or kind or intelligent than they feel.
Our flaws are part of us, aren’t they?
Flaws make us interesting. They teach us. They remind us. Our flaws make us quirky. Our flaws make it possible to connect with each other. Hey! I know you! I feel that too. We should be friends.
We’re attracted to the broken places in each other. Our healthy selves may be attractive, but I think we’re still attracted to the brokenness. It’s where we find our kinship.
When we show our flaws, we are tossing them out there and we hope that someone will catch them and say “I got this one! I feel it too. I’m doing good right now, so let me hold this one for you for a while. And when I’m done, maybe you could do the same for me.”
This is a love note from me to you: We’re all flawed. We’re all scared. We all wish that we could sometimes do better. We all hide behind smiles. We all harbor ugliness that we would like to shed.
It’s all good.
You are fine.
Now stop being all mushy. God. Fucking pussies.
This is sweet and I will gush a bit. Finding friends, having friends, supporting friends, being a friend is saying all is fine or are you crazy this is not fine or good or I am so not good and knowing they won’t judge, you don’t judge but understand or accept.
Yes, exactly this!!
If this year has taught me anything, it’s that the best people in the world are broken. In our daily lives we all keep calm and carry on and keep a stiff upper lip and all those crappy British platitudes. But sometimes we can’t help but show a glimpse (or a long, lingering peek) of our inner fractures. And the only people who are truly compassionate and willing to offer help are those who have flashed us their own broken pieces. The people who spend all their energy pretending they’re keeping their shit together certainly aren’t going to take a moment to care about our shit. No judging, we all get through life differently. But I admire the chinks in people’s armor a lot more than I admire a shiny, unbroken surface. That shit’s not real.
I agree so much. XO
So,…when people ask, “How are you today?”
And, I reply, “How does it look from there?”
I’m really thinking, “Good grief, I hope I pulled it off, again.”
I have to/get to read to little kids at the library and in the pre-school. I hate/love it. The audience couldn’t be more forgiving, yet, they are a demanding bunch, as well. You can screw up the WHOLE story line, but as long as you can keep their attention, it’s ALL good.
I’m nervous and skittery before I read (just like with adults), but I make myself pretend it’s a script and I’m in a …what are those plays for one? No, not a campaign speech…anyway, I just pretend I’m acting out a script for a play, I do as many voices as I can and I make my eyes big and I do the facial expressions of Elizabeth Taylor in ‘Taming of the Shrew.’
If I notice I’m losing one or two (notice? nuh-unh…you can FEEL the little buggars sliding into active daydreaming and acquiring the need to poke their neighbor) then I hike it up a notch with a scary whisper lead in voice for the next page.
Just like life. It’s a script and we are acting our parts. As long as I am OVER-acting, no one will notice what I hid with my makeup and big shirt.
Anyhow, that’s how I get through it, since they took my straight-jacket… and my whiskey…
Reading your great ‘life-cope’ hacks is the encouraging smile of support (and sometimes the gentle push!) I NEED so I don’t die from terminal uniqueness!
Thanks for this incredibly pertinent observation 🙂 I love contemplating your musings with my coffee! Starts my day on a kind and forgiving note 🙂 (Not my usual voices…ya know :))
It’s ALL good! (and I have a horse named ‘Too Easy’ :))
Oh man..I love this so much. Thank you. It’s like we’re having coffee together. 🙂
Your awesome! Thank you for keeping it real.
XXOXOXO 🙂
Well said! I think most of us sometimes experience a disconnect between the face we show to the world and what’s actually happening in our own little world. It was very striking to look at my high school yearbook recently, (before it disintegrates with age…) because most of the people who had written a note to me referred to me as the girl who was always smiling, always happy, blah blah blah. In actuality, I was going through some heavy crap on the homefront in those days. They just knew what I wanted them to know.
Life isn’t always easy, and we do what we have to do to get by. But one thing we should always remember is that no matter how put-together someone may seem on the outside, she very likely has as many, if not more, problems than we do. It’s all about attitude.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you so much! Happy thanksgiving to you, too!
Yes, we can’t judge people’s insides based on their outsides.
It’s true, what we put out there is just a brave face, for the most part. I think it’s also true that we connect with each other through our flaws, but show too much that’s broken and it’ll scare people off, so we keep pretending, we keep a brave face.
And sometimes, that’s all I have to get through the day.
No doubt..there IS a line we must all walk.
Everyone is a mess. But fortunately most of us are beautiful messes!
Happy Thanksgiving, sweetheart.
Happy thanksgiving to you, too!!!
Our flaws do make us interesting and sometimes we need to tell ourselves that. I think we naturally see our flaws as a negative but being attracted to the brokenness in others can be a positive thing. You made a very good point about that.
Thank you!
I really want to not be damaged in any way. I guess we all would, and I know I’m not the only one who was taught early on that if you’re damaged you’ll be put in a scary place and you will never, ever come back.
It’s taken me a long time to get used to the idea that it’s okay to be damaged and that admitting it is the only way to get closer to being undamaged. Okay, I’m kidding–I’ll never be undamaged. I take a special pride in being a mental jalopy.
I don’t think I’ll ever be put together again, either…but I’m cool with that. At least that is what I’m working toward.
I do think we are attracted to brokenness. We want to know we’re not alone. 🙂
So true…we don’t want to be alone.
This so spoke to me today! I love that it’s sweet and raw with a dash of funny and foul language! I feel like when I write, I am saying what I most need to hear myself, and just hope it helps others, too. I was speaking with a group of women recently and had a lightbulb moment – we’re all jacked up – but that’s how we’re supposed to be. No one is supposed to have it all figured out. Man-that was a freeing realization!
Thank you for love note! 🙂
We are all jacked up…which is good…it should give us boatloads of empathy.
We’re all broken and we’re all brilliant. It’s a beautiful mess here on earth. Compassion, patience, love and a huge dose of self acceptance are handy tools to have. You are a wonderful, fresh, clear voice in the world Michelle. Keep shouting.
Kimberly XO
Thank you SO MUCH! XOXOX
Love you back
From one flawed and beautiful soul to another flawed and beautiful soul,
Amen!
Big fat sloppy inappropriate kisses to you.
Hey – did you somehow get into my head ??????????
Have the best afternoon xox
Hahahah….maybe I did!
Yep. We’re all flawed. And scared. And insecure. Most of the time. Just sayin’.
it really is good to not be alone…
Pfft. I’m fucking perfect.
well..yeah…you are
Bahaha!…and, yup. Agreed!
🙂
I ♡ this so much! Wouldn’t the world be a boring place if every person didn’t have some flaws. Being flawed makes you more real, more genuine, MORE HUMAN. Thank you for the beautiful words.
Awww. Thanks!!! Xoxo
Girl, we got you. We are all damaged because we are human. It is ok, and I do believe that we are as attracted to the damage as much as we are attracted to the greatness. You can NOT have one without the other.
What it hard is when you meet someone and they try to hide the damage. That takes so much energy to hide. I need authentic people in my life that are able to say, “i am fucked up and here are the reasons why”. That is when the friendship/relationship really gets fun and real.
Look, the best part of being on earth is looking around and seeing that we all suffer from the same plight. We are human. Let’s just fucking get over thinking we are perfect and immune from our fuckedupness.
Love,
Jill
This post compelled me to comment. It was beautifully written!!
For me, I think because I am so broken that I prefer to be the one to be the cheerleader. It somehow makes me feel better if I can brighten someone’s day by offering a smile, giving advice/motivational bullshit or just simply by being an ear. Who knows better than someone with a fucked up life that sometimes just an ear without judgement is the key to centering a person for a bit?
Everyone may be full of there own brand of ugliness, but I think that we all just want to get through our own little shitstorm with as little stink on us as possible. Grass is always greener and all that…maybe in our subconscious the crap doesn’t seem so bad???
I wonder why when anyone shows a picture of a heart it is always perfect when I’ve never met anyone who didn’t have issues. I think it should have little pieces broken off or a few bullet holes….something!
Hell to the yes. We’re all whistling past the grave yard. Morbid, but true. We all put on a front. We all are afraid and insecure. If someone’s not scared, they’re either not paying attention or a psychopath. Most of us are pretty fragile, masks aside.
Even when we are alone we know that we are not alone when others feel the same way.
Thank you! We love you for sharing so we can share. We can all carry the load at different times for each other.
Lots of yes. And also why I love you.
I hope our flaws make us interesting because I’ve got a whole bunch of them.
Me too!
Absolutely LOVE this!!!!!!!
Thank you!!
Yes! Yes to all of this and it’s so damn special when you find your people. It’s so easy to dismiss but don’t dismiss it because you need people like this in your life to keep you sane and human. No one can exist all on their own.
No, no they can’t. Thank you so much for this!