It’s Bad You Know

I have a story about this title, “It’s Bad You Know”. I’ll tell you at the end. 

I just sat out on my front porch and watched the neighbor across the street catch his indoor kitty who had gotten outside while carrying a gallon milk. The neighbor, not the cat. I am assuming he just got back from the store. He doesn’t seem the type to just carry around a gallon of milk as a matter of course. Again, the neighbor, not the cat. The cat totally looks the type to lug around a gallon of milk. 

Anyway, I am relieved to report his success in getting both the cat and the milk indoors

Watching was stressful.

I can’t take anymore stress. For fuck’s sake, the cat/milk drama was almost enough for me to reach for a xanax.

But I dialed the stress back in.

It’s just that it’s really bad now.

Like I’ve been saying. For years.

I knew that it would be bloody and violent. I knew that he would activate the worst of us and people would die. More people will die. I don’t even want to think about what the country will look like a few months from now.

But even that doesn’t compare to the goddamn horror that hundreds of thousands of us are dead from this virus. He lied. His lies cost tens of thousands of lives.

I knew it was going to be super bad, but fuck.

I didn’t know there’d be a goddamn pandemic.

He’s going to collapse in a big bad way. Whatever you are afraid of right now? You’re probably underestimating. anxiety and falling down

Which is really grim. I know. But this was going to happen no matter what. We can’t make it not happen.

I also believe with every part of me that we will win.

Even if they steal the election, we will win. We aren’t a handful of people. Light vanquishes dark. I refuse to give up my faith in humans. Too many of us care to not make a difference.

Buckle up and hang on. This cold and flu season is going to be wild as fuck.

Find reasons to laugh. Make art. Appreciate life. We’re going to need all the good we can get.

Okay, about the title.

I sat outside and watched the neighbor chasing his cat and I stressed out. He got in okay and I sat there and thought about how fucking shitty it is to be this fucking stressed all the time. I mean, that I was at the point of tears because I was worried about his cat.

So, I decided to come back in and talk to y’all about it.

But I couldn’t think of a title.

It’s really hard for me to write anything without a title. Even if it changes, something has to be there or I am out of sorts. But I wanted to get the cat story written down before I forgot it. I thought, I’ll open up WordPress and a title will come to me. 

Then, I opened up WordPress and I realized the Spotify playlist was playing this song. It’s bad you know. 

Oh. Yeah. That fucking works. 

I hope you all are staying safe.

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  • Oh man – great song. Really enjoy a good blues harmonica. Glad Kitty is back where it belongs.

    Bless Xanax and the knowledge that if worse comes to worse, you can always fall back on it. Although I have to admit, it’s getting harder and harder to say “this too shall pass”.

    Be strong and hang out in your back yard. Probably less stress there.

  • When we were moving here last December the snow on the roads around here made Zsuzs tell us to hold off a day. Which was inconvenient as we were in the car with our stuff and the cat and Bekka who was helping us move had already gone back to Oakland.
    The muffler fell off in the Home Depot parking lot and Bekka called us to say we could all spend the night in Pine Grove if we wanted to. Off to Pine Grove we went, about an hour northeast of Sacramento.
    No internet there, so we had to wait for Zsuzs to wake up and text to know whether we were good to go.
    After we got the OK, Briana and Bekka said the cat had gotten out, and went out to look for him.
    Stress. Would the muffler-less car make it through the snow to Sugar Pine? Would we be delayed by the missing cat too long to make the rest of the trip? Would the cat get lost in the woods that surround Bekka’s house, and get eaten by a coyote? I cooked us some noodles and we waited for the cat to show up.
    Then I went back upstairs to get my things together for the trip, and who should appear from under the futon frame but the cat, who had not escaped outside after all.
    We did make it here, but our late start meant that all of the snow driving we did was after dark, which wasn’t ideal, but at least the muffler turned out to not be a problem.
    The Creek Fire is 212,000 acres and three ridges to the east of here.
    10% contained as of this morning, and the air is thick with smoke. That smoke has lowered the temperatures, so that helps, but it also keeps the firefighting aircraft grounded, so that isn’t good.
    Briana got her thyroid meds and so far she seems to be feeling better.
    The Woodward revelations do move the covid non-response over into the mass-murder column, and even I didn’t have that penciled in to my 2020 political day planner.
    Now I have to get a new phone because my current one doesn’t meet the new network requirements for my carrier, and the T-Mobile store in Oakhurst seems to be closed, so I guess In get to look for one online, which isn’t ideal either, but we’ll probably muddle through.
    The cat gets to go outside again, and he’s getting really impatient for us to make all of this smoke go away.
    I hope you are feeling OK, or at least as well as can be expected in the middle of the goddamn apocalypse, and yes, I too believe we will beat this shit eventually.

  • When he took office I was horrified. I remember the blog post I wrote back then. I cannot tell you how many people said oh you’re over reacting. It won’t be so bad. Some people even laughed at my trauma. They won’t take away LGBTQ rights Dani, they won’t go after your marriage. It will be fine they said, calm down. Literally, everything I said I feared has come to pass, and much more that I didn’t think of at the time and couldn’t begin to fathom. I recently shared this fact on facebook, but the people I am connected with who support him don’t give a crap. I fully anticipate civil unrest when we take back the white house. People will probably die. Those that support him have already proven they’re not above violence. They don’t care about truth or doing what’s right. They don’t care about being fair. They won’t believe he didn’t win. He’s been priming them for that all this time. They will be violent in defense of the lies he’s sold them. All they care about is getting what they want, and they don’t care who they have to trample/in some cases kill in the process. I am genuinely terrified. I could never have imagined this reality. I think you are right though, maybe it was inevitable. He is merely representative of those we hoped were small in numbers. Clearly there are more people who are willing to be inhumane and harm others than we thought, and now he empowers and emboldens them. What could go wrong? I too, believe we will win. We very likely will have to remove him by force. I just wish I could fast forward to when this is over and things are better. 🙁

  • I don’t want to sound overly optimistic because, yeah, things really are bad, but then I think how, for me personally, things are pretty good. And there are a lot of people like me and I know we will not let this aggression stand. We have the power to join with those who aren’t as lucky, who are being targeted, and we’re doing it. A lot of people I know are taking Martin Niemoller’s poem–which is basically a coward’s confession, and putting a new spin on it: “First they came for the socialists AND WE SAID, NOT THIS TIME MOTHERFUCKERS!”
    And we have no way to tell time in the midst of this starless night but dawn may be just a short way away.

  • “It’s Bad You Know” or “It’s Bad, You
    The comma is appropos either way.
    Me, I want an induced coma for the duration.
    I ♥️ you Michelle. You can write, that is you are a writer and you are literally performing the action of writing.
    The Xanax is good too.

  • This made me laugh sooo hard. I mean it. I needed this today.
    Even though we are country’s apart, your honesty is refreshing and your sarcasm of real life is soothing to this soul. I too write when I need to clear my head. Keep up the good work, girl. You prop up alot of people and you may not know it.

  • I find that my titles write themselves, usually with a line from the post.
    Other times it’s just a crapshoot.
    A safe, socially distant, crap shoot.

By Michelle


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