My Knight Doesn’t Have A White Horse; He Has An Orange Stuffed Dog

Randy is my knight in shining armor. He pulls out the stops when I’m feeling bad. He’s had to work overtime lately.

It’s been a rough year and I’m already me. So, take my normal anxiety, pile a lot of horrible shit on top, and the ensuing anxiety storm is spectacular.

My baby boy is a few states away at a music festival for 4 days, so my brain is cheerfully cataloging all the ways he could be hurt or killed. It’s been super fun, you guys.

Randy knows how my brain works, kind of. Enough to know that when I’m in the shit of it, I appreciate his attempts to cheer me up. Dude has been in the background for a while, but he has made a glorious return.

But dude isn’t the only thing instrumental in cheering me up.

We have an addition to our family. This is Gertie.

Joey, my baby boy who is currently having a great time and probably perfectly fine, campaigned for a second kitty since we got Alfie in December. We finally broke down. If by broke down, I mean Randy and I fell in love with Gertie in under 3 seconds.

Gertie has been with us for over 3 weeks now and she is probably the sweetest kitty that has ever been or ever will be. Also, Alfie would beg to differ. Alfie freaked the fuck out when we brought Gertie home and proceeded to beat the shit out of her every chance he got.

Randy was totally stressed out by the situation and thought they would never get along, but they have mostly made their peace. Alfie only beats Gertie up once or twice a day now instead of continuously. Also, he finds her hilarious as evidenced by this photograph of him laughing at her jokes.

Today is my big man’s birthday, I was able to score tickets to see Elvis Costello this month for his birthday. Seeing Elvis Costello is like seeing the Beatles for Randy, so I’m feeling pretty good about that. It’s the least I can do. Not every woman gets a spouse who can keep up silly stuffed dog stories during anxiety storm season.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I hope you dream of cotton candy and ice cream cones that don’t melt down your arms.


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  • Well…. the oxymoronic juxtaposition of all this is when I see Dude hamming it up I laugh, but I cringe, too, because I know why he’s hamming it up…
    Bittersweet. As all good Knights know 🙂
    Lovin’ Gertie!!
    Joey better bring pictures for you to ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ and laugh over.
    You and Randy are gonna have the best ‘Elvis Costello Concert Birthday’ a Knight in Shining Armor could ask for 😉

  • Sadness, the pain of all we have and will go through, can be overwhelming. Often is. I’m so very glad you have Randy. I have my housemates, Jen and Oni and my wonderful old kitten Coco.
    I’d make a lousy full-time loner.

  • Whatever you’ve been so panicked about, Michelle, I hope your anxiety gets eased in some way. Sounds like these two can help you do it, for sure! And of course, there’s Randy…. happy with his Elvis tickets.

  • You deal with anxiety in such an inspirational way, injecting love, cuteness and fun into your life. Anxiety makes us feel we have no control, when in fact, we do, as demonstrated by making beings of fluffy joy like these two part of your life.

  • I’m so happy you get to see Elvis! Have a great time, and give Randy extra birthday hugs from virtual world.

    • I am happy as well, even though it’s Randy’s present, I want to see Elvis nearly as much as he does. And I will give him extra hugs.

      *** NOTE TO RANDY *** Saying I will give you extra hugs is in no way a binding contract

  • The kitties are soooo adorable!!!
    I am sorry you are feeling so anxious. I wish I could take some your anxiety away and replace it with serenity and my garden strawberries which I pick by the bowlful every evening and enjoy with – drumroll – ice cream (and rhubarb cake). Seriously though, I really do hope the storm passes soon. Enjoy the long weekend – it’s our 150 birthday!!!

  • Michelle, I have an app that turns drumpf photos into kitten photos and when I saw your picture I thought you had that app too. HA! Kittens and puppies are the best medicine, in my opinion. Have a great holiday!

  • Dude! If there weren’t some obnoxious copyright issues you could sell “What Would Dude Do?” shirts and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d buy the hell out of them.
    And I’m hoping that your anxiety passes, or at least settles down to a low background buzz soon. As a wise and amazing guy has been known to say, what’s so funny about peace, love, and understanding?
    And that guy, of course, is Randy. Elvis Costello has been known to say it on occasion too, and he’s also a pretty good guy.

  • Happy birthday, Randy! Hey, if you find an unsigned card, that’s from me, k?

    Hope that softens the blow from this next thing: I’m afraid I’m going to have to steal Gertie. It’s cool though—I’ll send you pictures of her awesome life here, snuggling with my brood, and I’ll even tell her bedtime stories about you.

  • Gertie is adorable. Which festival is he attending, and would I have heard of any of the bands? (Not Gertie, your son.) I’ve never seen Elvis in concert, but I’ve heard that his shows are killer. Have you ever seen his “Monkey to Man” video? Jenny Lewis walks through the set at one point, so as a rabid Rilo Kiley fan I’ve watched that video dozens of times. It also has Tennessee Thomas in a gorilla suit playing drums, and her grandpa playing drums. Her dad is Pete Thomas, Elvis’ long time drummer. Three generations of drummers seems a bit excessive, but they seem happy with it.
    Good luck with the show and the trip to Tennessee and I hope your anxiety slinks off in defeat from the unmitigated awesomeness that is you and your vacation…

  • Good to see Dude back, and already irritating Gertie. By now, Alfie is used to it so, meh.
    Hope your anxiety levels off soon. A trip to the mountains always picks you up, so have a great time. And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of the good ones (husbands, that is).

  • My 27-year-old son is driving two states away today to visit friends. I made him text me when he left, and I fully intend to embarrass his shit should he not text me when he arrives. He knows I’m serious.

  • Happy Birthday Randy! (Although truthfully, I think he’s just as lucky as you are Michelle…he IS amazing, but so are you. Even if he doesn’t pick me to win books.)

  • You guys are so wonderful to each other! I’m glad your souls met

    We have always been a two pet household. The oldest pet always starts of hating the younger while the younger dotes on the older. So far it has always eventually turned into younger “Do you love me yet cause I love you!” Older-“Ugh. Look I no longer hate your fucking guts and sometimes I will work with you to get extra food. Okay?” Younger-“You love me!!!!” Older-“Ugh.”

By Michelle


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