The very first words of this post belong to an amazing entertainer and truly one of the funniest women I’ve ever watched…Gilda Radner. What an amazing talent she was. We all lose because she died so young. Imagine what she could have given us if she hadn’t been cut short?
I love the Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner love story. It reminds me how lucky I am to share my life with Randy, we’re truly happy together. That’s not to say that we don’t have our issues from time to time. I bet Gene and Gilda had theirs, too.
It’s Friday night and Randy are living our favorite part of the week. I’m sitting on a hard ass metal folding chair and squinting because I’m too lazy to go get my bifocals. We’re sitting in his office and listening to music and playing on the internet and generally falling into the most comforting silence.
I was thinking about my therapist and the assignment I have to do for next week. I have to come up with nice things to say to myself. I was thinking about Gilda Radner and how I much I wanted to be her when I was a teenager. What I loved about her was how she seemed to be exactly who she was. She was genuinely Gilda.
I am still working toward that. Not that I want to be Gilda Radner anymore. I want to be me.
Who am I?
I am a bundle of anxiety and I’m afraid of so many things. I am tired and dissatisfied. I am a woman who can’t stop waiting. I’ve been waiting my whole life. Waiting to be an adult..waiting to be a wife..a mother..a satisfied employee.
I am also loyal. I am empathetic and kind.
You couldn’t have a better friend than me. I will listen and I will love you and I’m not at all high maintenance. It doesn’t matter if we go for months without talking, when we do, I will be so happy to speak with you. I won’t ask much of you…perhaps just to listen every once in a while. Unless you are my friend from work. You have to talk to me at LEAST every other day.
It’s not that I don’t make friendship mistakes, I am human. Sometimes I wait to talk. A lot of the time. Still, I’m a great friend.
I’m smart and have a fairly wide range of interests.
I’m goofy and I dance when no one is watching. I sing very loud and very bad and it makes me happy.
I can feel the real me peeking around the edges, asking to be set free. She never has been. She got locked away as a child. She’s never given up, though. She’s grown and she’s waited and she is ready to come out.
I am ready to be the real me. Oddly enough, that thought is accompanied by Gilda Radner singing about talking dirty to the animals.