Love Conquers Anxiety?



No, it does not.

I understand why I dislike inspirational memes. They annoy me and make me roll my eyes hard enough to give my mother a headache. I’m a sort of crabby person. I’m definitely cynical and too much perkiness makes me want to set my hair on fire. But it’s more than that. Not all the time, but a lot of the time, they make me feel bad.

I remember back in the ’80’s, I worked in an office that had framed inspirational posters scattered about. I despised them. They made me feel uncomfortable. I would see them and feel inadequate.

The first thing I saw on the internet that made me feel like I was looking into Marcellus Wallace’s briefcase was a de-motivational poster site. They spoke to me, made me laugh, and gave me a shiny new outlook on life in general. I was not alone. A fuck ton of people hated the motivational posters. It is so good to not feel alone when feeling inadequate.

The inspirational memes are worse.

Okay, okay, OKAY! Calm your tits. I am not saying there aren’t words of wisdom floating about that aren’t uplifting, hopeful, informative, or even helpful. Of course, there are. But not all of them. Nope. Not even close. 

There are the ones that jump out of the annoying bounds and into harmful, like the one saying forests are anti-depressants and pills are shit. That’s some bullshit, right there. So many of our brothers and sistersrainbow rely on medication to get through their day. Posting shit like that is detrimental to everyone who needs medication to manage their mental illness.

What is the goddamn point of saying shit like that?

We are not close to removing the stigma of mental illness. We may have made progress, but we’re still like cavemen. People who have mental illness issues have to deal with their brain turning on them and deal with people judging them. So, hey! How about we post perky little pictures meant to shame them as well?

I’m talking more about the ones that are less controversial. You know, the “Love Conquers All” type memes.Fuck no. No, it does not.

If love conquered all, we would have wiped out racism and bigotry by now.

There are enough of us, you know. I have to believe there are more people who do not harbor black seething hatred in their hearts for people who are not like them. If love conquered all, then that shit would be conquered. And it’s not.

I’m not suggesting life is hopeless. What would be the point if life were hopeless? I’m saying since social media has been a thing, we get bombarded with ideas and images that tell us how we should be feeling and how love is a powerful force that can change our lives for the better. Open yourself to love and your anxiety will dissipate, your insomnia will go away, and your bills will be paid on time. 

Apparently, I am doing love wrong, because my love hasn’t cured my anxiety. I don’t love easily, but I do love deep. Not deep enough to give up my xanax prescription.

It’s not just love memes, it’s all of them. If you do (insert action) then (insert benefit) will happen and life will be puppies and rainbows.

Except that is bullshit. We are all complex, unique, differently functioning entities. Not one of us gets to go through life without dealing with shit. Sometimes that shit is pretty fucking deep. Sometimes we are in pain and we are alone and we look for comfort and instead we find Smug McJudgerson’s post telling us what we should be doing to feel better. Reading life lessons condensed to a few short sentences plastered over a picture of daisies sometimes makes me want to throw a hatchet at something.

Of course, we should be on the side of love and light.

Of course, we should. Hatred is a powerful force, but that doesn’t mean we should give in to it.

I am all for building each other up. I think spreading messages of hope and light is a good thing. Sometimes, it is all we have. We really need to be careful of allowing us to be swayed or shamed by a few words that someone no different than you or I wrote down over a picture of a waterfall.

It’s okay if you still feel anxious, even though you lit a candle rather than curse the darkness. It’s okay to be depressed even if you made a smile your umbrella.

We’re all doing the best we can. If you sometimes read something inspirational and you feel bad that you’re not doing better, then I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Pull up a chair. Tell me your problems. I might not fix them, but I will listen. And I won’t offer judgement in the form of platitudes. Cross my heart and always remember: Today is the first day of the rest of your life.



It’s getting to where Randy wants to take the stuffed dog wherever we go for photo ops. Pretty sure my extended family already thought we were odd. Now, there is no doubt. It’s kind of freeing, actually. Haha. Dude Does Big Bone Lick, Pt. 2


Rainbow photo courtesy of Nick Sweet





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  • Ah yes, the rainbow and unicorn people bring me out in hives! Give me a good old nihilistic meme to make me chuckle darkly.
    I also feel bad that I can’t be all light and positive when presented with these so called inspirational memes. I think that the people who actually believe that stuff have lived in a safe warm bubble for most of their lives, not that I’d wish them to have experienced the darker side of existence. However, the fact that they haven’t makes them totally unqualified to comment on how the rest of us should view life.
    I totally agree, some of these platitudes are downright dangerous at times, if anyone with serious mental issues takes them seriously.
    It does give me hope that there are more of us out there.

    • I’m just tired of feeling bad and I realized that I don’t have to. I don’t have to take these things to’s kind of dumb to take them to heart, because really..what the fuck do they know about me? Nothing. They know nothing about me.

  • Damn! I was hoping you found a real cure. Shit, now I’m mega disappointed.
    I have a ‘no platitudes’ rule when I talk to people who are in pain. As my kid says, yoga doesn’t fix everything.
    Why do we think illness that occurs above the neck is ‘less real’ than illness in the rest of the body?

      • I never stop looking for the “Like” button when I see comments like these! Ha! But, absolutely agree with both of you. Some people just don’t care what others are going through until it happens to THEM or someone they love, then it suddenly becomes “valid”.

  • Not only have I met Smug McJudgerson, I’ve also dealt with his family AND a few of his friends! I think that guy’s middle name is “Superior”. I will concede to preferring the inspirational memes (they’re usually posted by someone with a good soul) as opposed to the outright vile, hateful shit that’s been posted by many on “the other side”. An eye roll of annoyance is a lot easier on the body than full-on, fucking disgust. 😉

    Remember: When life hands you lemons, pair them with some nice limoncello! Or something to that effect. Haha!

    • Hahaha…that is a good use for lemons. And I least the inspirational ones have good intentions. I think. I mean some of them are so smug that it’s hard to see that, but maybe?

      • Hey Tink!!
        That’s why we are ‘Douche Twizzles’ with our own tambourines! (And tassel bras!)
        Peeps like us HAVE found the fine line between ‘Smug McJudgerson’ and ‘Pondering Positivity.’
        It’s just, sometimes, when we have had too much ‘Negative Nancy’ surrounding us and then some Muffy Thundercunt tells us to ‘calm down’ or ‘get it together,’ (right when we already know we’ve had enough deserved sympathy time) we HAVE to bite their heads off and stab them with pointy words.
        Fucking couch psychiatrists anyway… I mean. Fucking family.
        Remember how we were told the whole time we were growing up that ‘Family is Everything?’
        Family is every reason we are in therapy.
        Family is the reason we doubt ourselves.
        Family is the reason we made the break for ‘no family.’
        The memes that get me the most are the “Type ‘Yes’ if you love your ‘insert family value/member here.'”
        I double-eye rolled just typing that!
        I am not proud of this, but I have reposted a few Trump memes with “Daddy?” at the top of the reposting…

        • Hahaah…I so get this. I so much do. I understand trump. I grew up with someone just like him. Without the power or money. And my dad has slightly better hair.

        • The “type yes” … or “click and share” … and especially the “type amen” posts send me into a blind rage. I was taken hostage enough as a kid. These and the other bullshit shame and guilt posts are the reason to quit the social media stuff. Usually, people get to do that once or twice, and the next time I just unfriend them, or at least unfollow them.

  • I don’t wanna set my hair on fire. I do wanna burn all inspirational blather on pillows, walls (live laugh love? Fuck off) and well, anywhere. Otherwise I’m nice. Really.

    • It’s like we’re related. The live laugh love thing….yeah. No.

      I am not saying we shouldn’t live laugh or love…I’m saying it’s more interesting to decorate with something other than Pollyanna sounding instructions.

  • There are people who need simply, bumper sticker type sentiments to face the day, I suppose. I can’t be cheered up by something like that. I don’t feel better if I keep repeating Stuart Smalley quotes or whatever.

    Not everyone finds someone. Not everyone gets on the right path. Goodness and love doesn’t overcome all.

    There are some good songs floating aorund, if you look hard enough, though.

  • Off subject just a tad – why did you not steal that guy’s license plate that said DUDEROX! Where are the pictures of Alfie?

    Apparently, bi-polar runs in my family and I do believe I’m getting little obvious twinges. We used to say my Mother was ‘hot tempered’ and my brother was ‘artistic’. Now I’m seeing signs of them in myself every time I feel my brain explode. Whoever came up with the phrase “golden years” was the biggest liar of them all. Oh, and by the way – yay xanax.

  • “There are some good songs floating aorund, if you look hard enough, though.”

    From “The Reptiles and I” by Shriekback:

    The best kind of friend is like iron sharpening iron
    From only its claw we may judge of the lion
    Truth hurts but it stands I cannot tell a lie
    That was our wisdom
    The reptiles and I.

  • My least favourite trite saying is “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Really? How do the morons who believe this explain all the sad broken people stumbling through life? Sometimes what doesn’t kill you destroys you slowly, a wee piece at a time…. However I guess I must be nice to live in the world of rainbows, unicorns and butterfly’s where all the broken ones are invisible – maybe?

  • Yay to all this.
    Yes, there is a force for good.
    But there is also a force for bad; new age morons do not know this. At. All.
    Also, “therapists”. Where the fuck do you start with them? CBT is all we need, we can think our way out of the quagmire. Breathe deeply and we will be fine. After all, there’s two sides to every story. (GRRRRR).
    In fact, the more that time progresses, the more I realise that malignant narcs really are for absolute certain, totally evil and they really wanted our actual souls.
    But hey, it takes both sunshine and rain to make a fucking rainbow, so we should all thank our lucky stars.

    • That is so so frustrating. Unfair. Damaging. And you are right about malignant narcs, they DO want to use you up and then after you are spent, they’ll talk shit about you forever.

  • I read some of those memes, and shake my head. Especially the ones that o-v-e-r-s-i-m-p-l-i-f-y mental illness and its treatment. One of my other pet peeves is when people have a slightly moody day, and state, “I’m just so bipolar.” Or who like things organized and proudly claim, “I’m so OCD.” Just stop that folks.

  • Thank you for agreeing with me. I wrote about this ages back – especially those memes that say exercise is the best anti-depressant.
    Ya, I exercise and meditate and do yoga and eat right and I still take Effexor. I am tired of defending myself for taking the medicine I need to be in this world.


    That is not to say there aren’t some good memes out there, but when they get overly memed (is that a word?) they lose their importance.

    Btw, my fav lately is a saying by Tolstoy.

    All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
    (from Anna Karenina).

  • Oh fuck yeah. I completely lost it on the last person who said the meditation would cure PTSD. no, I said, not having been raped as a child would have prevented my PTSD. They took issue with me saying something so grafic, and I took issue with them being an idiot.

    You know what? It felt great. Why do the sick people have to be polite to the intrusive people? It’s like when people want to pet my service dog. He wears a vest that is covered in patches saying don’t pet me, working dog, do not distract, etc. I used to explain it all to people. Now I just ask if they read English. And my service dog/savior and I walk away.

    • They took offense because you were GRAPHIC? They were too delicate to even hear the words of what you went through as a child? Screw them. I agree, if someone is going to be intrusive then it’s up to them to deal with it when we present them with our truth.

      I am sending you my peaceful thoughts. xoxoxox

  • “You know what they say: better to have loved and lost…”
    “TRY IT.”
    -Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, ‘Men In Black”

    Yeah, our problems are big and complex and can’t be easily summed up or wished away but it does help to know there are others who feel the same way out there, others who have tried it.

  • You are all my people! I hate hate hate the trite perky response.

    I am very fortunate that while I probably have PTSD I don’t have any serious mental illnesses even though they run in my family.

    What I do have, since I am old, is chronic back pain. I had to leave my profession because I couldn’t sit at a desk and work long days at a computer anymore. And I’ve spent well above $10,000 out of pocket on chiropractic, PT, doctors, acupuncture treatments, etc. So my huge annoyance is when people who are not medical or PTs or anything suggest yoga. Of course I tried yoga. Because every non-medical person thinks it’s perfect for your back pain even if they have no idea what is causing your back pain. It was agonizing.

    I’m sure there are a lot of other chronic conditions for which people make similar suggestions. Recently people have started to bring up tumeric with some frequency. No, that didn’t do anything for me either. Nice try though.

    So have you tried meditation to cure your anxiety? Walking to cure your depression? I’m just kidding here – so think happy thoughts! Ugh….

    • Haha..exactly! I know meditation and yoga are 18 year old son swears by both..and feeling physically good is better than not…but they aren’t a cure, or at least, they aren’t a cure for everyone. Rock on!!

By Michelle


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