Randy has been making memes about a conspiracy goat. Sometimes, they are funny. They’re usually weird. Just a little glimpse into the madness in my husband’s head. I am glad his madness and my madness get along.
This is about malignant narcissists and the utterly absurd lies they tell. We’ll get back to goats in a few minutes.
The orange nightmare’s tweets usually create some sort of reaction in me. Disgust, anger, fear.
When he tweets at the madman in North Korea, I get stressed out. Then, I remind myself that I can’t take his stupid phone away and I try to let it go.
This Time magazine tweet made me furious as soon as I read it. Why? Why did I get so mad?
I recognized every single word in that tweet. My dad told similar lies.
I recognize what 45 was doing and felt sick and angry.
Let’s dissect the tweet, shall we?
Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Man (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!
Okay, first, we already know this is a lie.
Time magazine came out and said that isn’t what fucking happened. I’m paraphrasing.
I recognized a lie as soon as I read the word “probably”. This was my dad’s favorite gateway into a lie.
This tweet reeks of “getting out in front of something”. This exact sort of thing my dad would say when he wanted to get in front of a lie.
Obviously, the circumstances are wildly different. My father, while he would have loved the attention one gets as POTUS, has never held an elected office and never been considered for the “best” anything award.
I can hear my dad’s voice, crystal clear right now. It has been nearly 25 years since he got sick and brain damaged, but I can still conjure his voice and his reaction as if no time had passed.
If my dad was with a group of people and someone pointed out that my dad never held an elected office, he would take that as an insult. Not a statement of fact. As an insult.
He would say something like “Oh, I was approached by <fill in the blank with a name, any name. You can just make one up because that’s the sort of shit he did> and they wanted me to run for city council, but I turned that down. Politician’s are crooks.”
“Man (Person) of the Year”
My father was also a misogynistic bag of dicks. Much like the president. “Man (Person) of the Year”. Why? Why would he type the phrase like that? Because he knows he has to acknowledge the winds of change. Men aren’t better than women. Men shouldn’t always be considered over women. Yes, of course he has heard these things, but he doesn’t believe them. It’s like he is saying “Of course the award should be man of the year, but broads keep yapping. They’re all bleeding out of their where-evers. So, I’m going to throw (Person) in there to shut them up, but you all understand I mean “Man”, right? That’s why I said “Man” first.”
Putting “person” in parenthesis after “Man” was a dog whistle to his deplorable base assuring them he is still not “politically correct”.
Like last year
Any grain of truth you can toss in there to support your lie is important. Especially, a braggy grain of truth.
Major photo shoot
HAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHA like 45 would turn down a photo shoot with Time magazine. What? Is he too busy? Because from what I can tell, he tweets and golfs. He would have no problem finding time in his busy schedule for a major photo shoot.
Took a pass
Malignant narcissists are the embodiment of the Sour Grapes fable. My dad was never turned down for anything.
He always was the one doing the turning down. He would explain why he rejected the job or the business opportunity or friendship with a sneer. The other person or situation always fell short, but he was never rejected.
This sour grapes thing serves a duel purpose. If you are lying about something, for instance, being selected “Man (Person) of the Year”, then you have to give a good reason why you are rejecting them, not the other way around. The president just couldn’t risk the possibility of suffering through a major photo shoot for a “probably”.
Malignant narcissists can use a negative situation to prove they are capable of walking away from accolades and prove they aren’t pathetic attention whores. Because they know. Underneath it all, they know they are attention whores and they know we know. So, they say shit like this to prove that false.
“See? I turned down a major photo shoot like it was no big deal. Haha. I don’t need that attention. I will prove it to the world by tweeting about how much I don’t care about a major photo shoot and being “Man (Person) of the Year”.”
Narcissists take any situation and twist it up as many ways they can in an attempt to bolster the flawless image they have of themselves.
People like 45 and my father aren’t clever enough to pull that off and they just look like transparent, needy, pathetic assholes.
When a narcissist says thank you, it is nearly always code for “fuck you”. He was saying “fuck you”. 45 is grateful for nothing. Everything he has was owed to him and he deserves to be revered. He deserves to use women and power and money as he sees fit. He owes no thanks to anyone. Ever.
It has been fun reading people’s tweets parodying this tweet. I wrote two:
“TV Guide called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named “Best new actor” But I would have to agree to be an actor and have acting talent. I said probably isn’t good enough and took a pass. Thanks anyway!”
“Tiger Beat magazine called me a few weeks ago and said that due to a mix up, I was never awarded my date with Leif Garrett and said that to make it up to me they were PROBABLY declaring me empress of the universe. Probably? NO THANKS.”
Which brings us back to goats. Here’s Randy’s Conspiracy Goat parody of the president’s tweet: