Malignant Narcissist: Repeato Boy

I got this title, kind of, from season 5, episode 1 of Buffy. This is the episode where Buffy goes up against Count Dracula and during the episode, she calls herself “repeato girl”.

Aside for Christopher: Sorry about the spoiler, but it’s totally not my fault that you’ve dropped the Buffy ball. Also, something rather jarring happens at the end of the first episode of season five, but not nearly as jarring as what happens on the last episode of season 5. Doesn’t that make you want to start watching again?

Anyway, Randy and I talked Wednesday about the narcissistic similarities between the orange psycho puff and my father.

So, Wednesday was also our wedding anniversary. This is the first one we’ve spent together in three years. Two years ago, he was in the hospital battling his appendix, which tried to kill him, and last year he was a few states away taking care of our granddaughter. But I digress. 

Months before Randy and I moved in together, my dad had a heart episode which deprived him of oxygen long enough to cause brain damage.

He is not the same man from when I was a child and a young(ish) adult. He isn’t loud or threatening. He isn’t angry or paranoid.

All that remains of my scary, shitty father is a frail old man who repeats himself.

All my dad has left, when we are all together, is to interject comments into the conversation about himself.

It matters not a bit what we are talking about, he intermittently says a few sentences about hanging out with Pete Rose atmalignant narcissist the track (Honestly, I don’t know if that is true or not. My dad did lose many paychecks at the racetrack and it’s not shocking to imagine Pete Rose being there. I suspect my dad saw him once or twice and perhaps spoke to him and from that grew this ridiculous story about them being friends.) Or, he’ll tell an excruciatingly racist story about why he never got promoted at his job at the gas and electric company. He might brag about his golf skills or how everyone at work came to him with all their computer issues.

This is literally all that remains. These ragged, left over stories of his popularity and prowess.

So, what’s my point? A malignant narcissist won’t change. They can’t.

It’s tragic, really. I would love to be able to drum up compassion for badly broken narcissists, but I can’t. The damage they leave in their wake is too devastating.

In the case of my father, much of his noise was stripped away when his heart freaked out. He doesn’t have conversations like he used to. He’s mostly quiet. He gets confused easily. He forgets most things.

What he does have left? Just the need to point out how amazing he was. He won’t change. He can’t.

Soon, maybe not as soon as many of us would like, but soon, we will see the orange psycho puff reduced to this behavior.

Here’s what I mean.

He isn’t a manipulative genius. He will never come to his senses or admit fault. He will always assign blame. He must do these things. He must continue to insist he is without flaw. And he has to do this in front of the world. It’s not going to end well, but it will end.

Soon, after his noise settles down, we will see what remains. I predict he’ll repeat a few talking points over and over, until he’s done.

I just hope he doesn’t start WWIII via Twitter before that happens.

Also, I probably owe Buffy and apology.


Illustration courtesy of dric

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  • I get that you can’t feel sorry for someone who clings to, and continues to project the worst parts of himself. I believe it’s almost impossible to offer sympathy to someone who fails to consider themselves flawed at all. But what it seems you have done which is more important to your adult well being is distanced from the old power he had over you. As for Trump, he doesn’t know why he is so universally repugnant and loathed and doesn’t care probably. What he craves and can’t have is the respect of the cool kids and there is nothing he can do to improve that. Likely that fact haunts him by the minute. It’s not much consolation but it’s something.

  • The Orange Psycho Puff (DAMN, i SO love that moniker and will totes need to use it – with attribution, of course) won’t collapse in on himself/self-destruct/get completely shitcanned anywhere soon enough.

  • The question is, like others in a relationship with a malignant narcissist, when will other GOP lawmakers finally find it so painful they admit he’s a dangerous liability to them and the country. I expect he will become increasingly obviously deranged as he feels cornered

  • I’ve literally got season 4 in hand, which is making it hard to type, so I’ll probably have forgotten the spoiler by the time I get to season 5 even though it’s pretty awesome to be mentioned by name in a post. Surely I’m not the only person you’ve turned on to how amazing Buffy is, but I’ll take it.
    The rest, though, I hope I don’t forget because it’s enlightening and even offers some hope. We may already be seeing The Orange Psycho Puff in the early stages of his breakdown, and while recent history suggests otherwise I will cling to the hope that there will come a point when he pushes things so far, when he is so obviously a liability, that even the GOP will no longer be down with OPP.

    • Haha..put the disk down. Season 4 is pretty awesome. College Buffy. And the return of Spike, who I love, even though he is a blood sucking demon. And I’ve pushed Buffy on a lot of people. My youngest is a big Buffy goober as well, although, I don’t know if he would admit that anymore.

      I believe the GOP already knows OPP is a liability and they were using him to get their agenda pushed through. When he is no longer of use to them, they will get rid of him. Then we need to vote our asses off in November and get rid of THEM.

  • Wow. Our dads. Mine danced with Princess Margaret during the war (she was dancing with soldiers at 17?), broke the world record in 100m (but it was an unofficial timekeeper) and won 16/17 events in a (non-existent) golf tour…. I was 50 when his narcissism was diagnosed- and he lived to 92! It was a hellish life being around him.

    • Your dad and my dad should have gone bowling together and then they could have told us how they were the only bowlers in history to somehow break that 300 mark. haha. They are so ridiculous.

  • I can’t imagine growing up with that always hovering over you. There are so many ways to fuck up a kid isn’t there. My father was great it was my mother who was/is my problem. In her world women are only here to serve their “men”. Men are kings and growing up in a family of all boys I was always bottom of the totem pole with her. Still am. Even though no one else is there for her they are still the “golden boys” and I’m lazy because 1. I work from home so I play on the computer all day. 2. I don’t wait on my husband hand and foot. 3. Hubby is a clean freak and does most of the housework. I never wanted my daughter to ever feel like the second class citizen that she has always tried to teach me to be. Fuck that!

    • Fuck that, indeed!! And yes, there are so many ways to fuck up a kid. I’m glad you broke that cycle for your daughter. I am also sorry you were treated that way. I was not the golden child either…which brings a life time of low self esteem. If it helps, I think you are AMAZING and I adore you. xo

      • Hopefully orange puffy face will be gone this year. I also hope someone has their eye on containing him before WW3. The good can come when protections are enacted against any future bobble head that may be elected along with a complicit congress.
        Here’s to a what may be a bumpy New Year but hopefully one that has a good ending for us all.

  • I’m glad things have gotten better for you as far as your dad goes. And I’m glad you have attained some peace, or maybe just acceptance, with all that went on before, as hard as it was. It’s just sad it had to be this way.

    WW III via twitter – frighteningly, horribly, nightmarishly imaginable with the orange psycho in the oval office. I just hope he keeps cramming KFC and big Macs into his pie hole until his arteries give him a big ole heart attack. The sooner the better.

      • Yeah, old lefty here and I agree, except I’ve read concerns that if something happens to Big Orange, Pence is a religious zealot and also politically competent enough to do even more damage. Although I don’t think he’d cause WWIII as a result of a political pissing match or p*nis size match or whatever you want to call it.

        Gah! I hate the fact that these men are in charge – I’m ready to move to Canada. Although maybe I’d rather move to Mexico because I’ve just barely survived our string of double digit below zero wind chills we’ve had since Christmas. My husband says if Orange really builds a wall, we want to be sure we are on the other side of it and I tend to agree with him!

  • I too love the OPP nickname. It’s so damn catchy. It reminds me of a song we used to dance to in college ‘OPP’ was ‘other people’s people’. Maybe the people who claim the Orange Psycho Puff as ‘their people’ should be forced to dance to that dance song for eternity.

    Your Dad – wow!

  • Orange Psycho Puff for the win!
    Sorry about your dad. Being a narcissist’s victim is a unique experience and I’m so glad that, over the years, it’s been acceptable to talk about it. Just in time for a narcissist Commander-In-Chief! He really scares me because he has no conscience and no regard for the rule of law. He’ll let people die if it means he pays less in taxes and maintains his idiot base.
    Please tell Randy that I love the image.

    • I will tell him! And it’s not just the taxes. He MUST believe that everything he is doing is correct. He is never wrong. He doesn’t give two shits how it hurts other people. He must be right and adored. He is neither. He will melt the fuck down.

  • Michelle, Your father sounds so challenging. And yet in his own way, he made you a writer. He gave you the need to express yourself, in this case, through words. I can’t imagine how much of a trigger our current Orange Psycho is. I’m sorry.

    • He did. I wouldn’t be who I am today without my past and I’m not sure I’d change that. I mean, less anxiety would be AMAZING, but I like who I am now and it took over 50 years to get here.

  • According to the book that just came out (and Fergus is suing to stop the publication of) he’s everything we imagine he is and less. “Semiliterate” was the characterization that stood out to me.
    The story of how he and his campaign never thought they’d actually win, and didn’t want to in the first place is the only telling I’ve heard that makes the least bit of sense.
    It explains why, even with the support of (what’s left of) the Republican party, they were utterly unprepared to assume office, and still, a year later, haven’t fully stood the government up to any level of functionality.
    You are the one who has the low-down on the behavior of malignant narcissists (something Republicans apparently can’t spell, much less identify, or understand why it’s not a good idea to elect one) and for that I’m sorry, but I’ve been listening to what you’ve been saying and trying to warn everyone about the epic fit he will throw when the lies all come crashing down and he is forced to face who and what he actually is in public.
    There exists, I believe, a point after which denial doesn’t work.
    That point, which he never needed to reach had he not run for president, is bearing down on him from pretty much every direction.
    He’s in way, way over his head.
    Malcolm Nance said something on the Stephanie Miller show that I really liked. He said that the president still believes he’s up against an assistant DA from Manhattan, like he has always been when he had legal trouble, when in reality, he’s up against “the wood chipper of justice” which is Bob Mueller and his investigation.
    The lowest paralegal on Mueller’s team is smarter than Fergus, who is obviously and publicly losing his already tenuous grip on reality.
    I am guardedly optimistic about the upcoming elections, and even if we win the house, I don’t think he will be removed from office.
    So we have to hold each other up until 2021 rolls around (jumpin jehosaphat I’ll be sixty years old by then) and capitalize on the built-up resentment and full scale backlash his administration is already generating to elect some real leadership: Democratic, progressive, capable, and female god damn it!
    Oh, and about him never really wanting to do the job of president, Aimee Mann nailed that one last year:

    • Holy shit, I love this. I only disagree on one point. I think he will not make it all four years. He will either be removed or the steady intake of McDonald’s will do the job, but I don’t think he’ll make it. I’m betting by this time next year, he will be gone. One way or another.

      • Apparently he eats McDonalds so much not because it’s his namesake, but because he’s paranoid of someone poisoning his food.
        To which I can only say that he should have thought of that before he made so many people hate him.
        It could have been different for him.
        He was born with the resources to do and be whatever in the whole world he wanted, and this is what he chose.

  • That story about your father is heartbreaking. Not in the sense that I feel bad for him, but heartbreaking because you’re right; he will never change, even after such an incident.

    I’m so tired and anxious about 45, I can’t put my thoughts into words regarding him. But, I worry you’re right on that front, too; It will not end well.

    • I am hopeful for us, but I really don’t think it will end well for him. And you are exactly right, that is the sad part. No matter WHAT, they are permanently broken. People waiting for 45 to change will be waiting for eternity. And FUCK him for ruining the number 45.

  • I’m going to have to register to vote, aren’t I? Dammit. I’ve been hiding all these years, because my vote has never counted (it wouldn’t have counted this time, either. California went to Hillary without my help). But I think for all the non-presidential shit, I may actually have to vote. Or maybe not, because CALIFORNIA.

    I despise that OPP. I’m just sitting here, biding my time like the rest of the sane world, waiting for Mueller to have some real effect on our government. I’m not waiting for the Big Macs to do it.

    “The end” can’t come soon enough! And when it does, he’ll still blather on about how big his win was, and how crowded the streets were for his inauguration, and how much he accomplished in such a bigly way. Moron.

By Michelle


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