There are things we must do as women. One of those things is to get a mammogram screening.
I have been getting my boobies squished once a year for the past 15 years. And every time, I get the same letter. Dense breast tissue. No issues.
Until last week.
Okay, here’s the thing, right now, as I write this, I don’t know what is going to happen. I do know that mostly, a bad screening turns out to be nothing.
But it might not be nothing. It might be something.
Waiting is upsetting and frustrating.
I won’t find out if the nothing is actually something until early next week. Although time doesn’t much count for this post. I’m not posting this until I find out if my nothing is something. As I write this, I don’t know.
I’m a worst case scenario person and this situation is a no-brainer.
You can get to worst case in just a few thoughts.
I don’t like where my head is right now. I don’t like having a constant litany of dark thoughts. I don’t like waking up in the middle of the night to pee and have my first thought be “Oh yeah, I might have breast cancer.” This is scary and I feel depression pressing against my wind pipe.
So, Randy named my boobs Thelma and Louise years ago.
Thelma is being an asshole.
Here’s to hoping my something is nothing. Here’s to hoping the next 4 days go by quickly because I am exhausted. It’s hard to be this afraid for days without a break.
I’m trying to not stay firmly entrenched in my worst case scenario, but I’m not doing too great.
Also, I feel weak and sort of pathetic for being this worried, when there is a 90% chance that my 2 adjacent masses versus one bilobed mass measuring up to 1.1 cm is nothing.
The word bilobed disturbs me. It makes the back of my throat feel thick. Sort of the way I feel about bug eggs. Bug eggs are disgusting.
So, I’m stopping for now. When I finish this post next week, I will know. I’m sure it will be fine. No matter what. It will be fine.
My appointment was set for today after 2:00. I got a call first thing this morning from the hospital and they said the doctor who would be reading my ultrasound was sick and that we had to reschedule.
I tried super hard to not lose my cool. I explained that the waiting was messing with me and I really wanted to get in as soon as possible.
So they upped my appointment to just after 10:00 am.
I am fine.
I have two cysts and one is just a normal cyst, the doctor explained that the other cyst was a little more complex.
That made Randy mutter under his breath “of COURSE it is.”
There is some debris in the cyst that the doctor didn’t like, but even that wasn’t too concerning. She just wants me to come back in 6 months to make sure there aren’t any changes. She says she is 98% sure there won’t be.
I like those odds.
I’m really hoping to get some sleep tonight, you guys. I need it.
Please, if you are over 40, please don’t neglect to get a mammogram screening. Please. If it has been a while, pick up the phone and make an appointment.
Girl on bench photo courtesy of kalhh