If there really was a war on Christmas, I think the bullets should be made of gum drops and jelly beans and marshmallows.
The chemical weapon would be eggnog because nothing says “my enemy will be soundly defeated” like nutmeg flavored phlegm. The battles should be thumb wars or perhaps a game of “Go Fish”.
For heated battles, we could have pillow fights.
Then, we all come together and watch Will Ferrell movies until everyone calms the fuck down. And I’m not even a huge fan of Will Ferrell movies. Although I really love Stranger Than Fiction.
Wish me a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or Happy any holiday and I will smile and graciously accept your desire that I am content and happy and send you along with similar sentiments.
How about if when someone wishes us joy and contentment, we accept those well wishes with grace and kindness and stop making up wars that don’t exist?
I hope unicorns visit and fill your stockings with cotton candy and winning lottery tickets. I hope that you have dancing sugar plums and fairy godmothers and hot chocolate. But not in a terrifying way. Because really, that would be weird. I’m not even sure what a sugar plum is, much less a dancing one.
I will leave you with a selection of Randy’s goat memes as my gift to you.
Someone on Twitter recently told Randy that he would have to eventually explain the meaning of the goat memes. I told her she was overthinking it. It’s just a goat.
But it’s a funny goat. Also, my husband is a weirdo.
Peace and love and light to you all.
Here are few more on Randy’s Twitter timeline. He didn’t want to load the article up with too many images which would slow down the site.