My Husband and I got “Olded”

I made up the word “olded” but it really is the perfect word to describe what happened to us today. Randy and I got olded.

Someone should contact Merriam Webster because I have new entry. Also, and this has nothing to do with anything, but I find it hilarious that the actual dictionary hates Donald Trump. I love when the dictionary trolls Trump. I bet the encyclopedia would have hated him too if encyclopedias were still a thing. I bet the “T” volume would have been pissed, though. Especially “Truffles” and “Trumpet Swans”. I bet Truffles and Trumpet swans would be best friends in the encyclopedia world, but then trump came along, got between them and ruined it. Like he ruins fucking everything. Also, I know trumpet swans probably don’t follow truffles in the encyclopedia, but I don’t feel like looking it up. Just go with it. 

But I digress.

Randy and I got olded today.

Saturday morning, on a holiday weekend, Randy and I were up before 5 a.m. because we both have insomnia. After puttering around a few hours, we conceded that no more sleep would be happening. We decided to take a short trip north of us and go to the El Camino bakery in the College Hill neighborhood of Cincinnati to get pastries because El Camino is goddamn amazing.

Randy was sure that they opened at 7 a.m. Completely sure.

The neighborhoods in Cincinnati can sometimes be confusing, so I put the bakery in my GPS. I got the directions and it included the hours of operation.

Me: They don’t open until 8.

Randy: Pretty sure they open at 7.

Me: I mean, I guess my phone might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure my phone is right way more times than you are.

Randy: They open at 7.

We got there about quarter til 8. As we were parking, I saw someone come out of the bakery.

Me: Cool. They are open.

We parked around back and walked to the bakery.

They weren’t open.

They opened at 8. Just like my smartphone said they would.

We decided it would be nice to get a little walk in. The air was cool and comfortable. No one was really up and about yet. We’d just stroll up and down Hamilton Avenue until the bakery opened.

I don’t remember what we were talking about, but Randy and I often have animated conversations, complete with wild gesticulating. When we walk together, there is very often hand holding as well.

As we walked along, a car passing by us slowed down. The man in the car rolled his window down and yelled out to us. He said “I just told my wife that someday we would be you two.”

I thought “Well, isn’t that sweet?”

Then, I thought about it a little more. The man who spoke to us wasn’t old or anything, but he wasn’t young either. He might have been 35 – 40.

Me: Dude. That guy just olded us.

Randy: What?

Me: He olded us. He was saying “My wife and I will be like you many years from now” which is a nice thought, but now we’ve become the old people that other people look at and go “awww, look at the sweet old people. Existing and walking and stuff.”  He fucking olded us.

Randy: Yeah. We got olded.

Me: This is the first time. Goddammit. We’re old.

Then the bakery opened. I got a danish that had blueberries and edible flowers. Randy got a lemon one. They were lovely.

We sat at a table on the side of the building and ate our pastries before driving back home. We had been walking awhile.

It was nice to sit down because we’re goddamn old.





17 Thoughts.

  1. I’m guessing he thought it was a compliment? I’m assuming you didn’t follow it up with any snark. Man, those pastries sound awesome.

  2. Oh yeah olded sounds like the right word and isn’t a shock when it happens because many of us do not think of ourselves as old, unless you are like my husband who does think he is old. If you think it you act it and then you are.

  3. I’d rather be olded than stupided. That’s one reason why I’m not a Republican. It’s really embarrassing, as a human being, how much they stupid their followers. I’m gonna be 64 this year, so I have pretty much olded myself. I stand by my decision, considering the alternative. Well, I stand by it for a while, and with a cane… And not for as long as I used to because my right hand, the one I use to hold the cane is getting kinda numbish and tingly. Which, I guess is to be expected, but god damn it, that’s also the hand I hold a guitar pick with.
    I have so far refused to allow the aging process to impact my guitar playing, but I guess that one’s coming eventually also.
    I’m glad your pastries were good. I miss Neldam’s Danish Bakery on Telegraph Ave. in Oakland. I haven’t been there in years, and I read that they went out of business recently. What’s the damn world coming to?

  4. I had something similar happen to me when I told someone I was learning to play the ukulele. She said “It’s good to take up something like that late in life” and I said “Yeah” and only later thought, How fucking old does she think I am? And she’s probably in her late twenties. Which is young but not THAT young.
    The upside of being old though is it’s easier to get away with saying something like “How fucking old do you think I am?”

  5. Priceless <3
    And very good blog fodder 🙂
    The 'cute' part in all of this is the dude was totally being genuine and wanted to let you two know that it is a good thing to be olded and still in love and I love ANYONE being nice these days for any reason 😉

  6. My husband and I also hold hands when we walk. Even when the walk is just from our to the entrance of the grocery store. We have garnered a few comments about how nice it is to see people in love, and one woman told us we looked like we were made for each other. I thanked her and said we thought so, too. We have been together almost 40 years, so I suppose we are olded, too, though it doesn’t feel like.
    I liked your husband’s take on stupid. One can be proud of being old, but not stupid.

  7. “awww, look at the sweet old people. Existing and walking and stuff.”

    This totally cracked me up.
    Been sitting and cackling for several minutes now.

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