We’re Not Really Sharing The Same Space

Randy and I had our marathon phone call with our mountain friends. I got a headache and fell asleep before the call was over.

Randy woke me up when he came to bed and we ended up watching videos. We watched Adam Ant, Tom Petty, and The Clash. There isn’t much I love more than listening to Joe Strummer crow.

I feel asleep early and then woke up. Now? It’s not even 11 and I’m wide awake and Randy is sound asleep. We are definitely in different rhythms tonight.

Anyway, we were listening to Tom Petty and he sangย you don’t know how it feels to be me.ย 

I thought about that. I watched Randy get up and walk into the bathroom and thought, there isn’t anyone on the planet who knows me better than Randy, but he doesn’t live in my head. He doesn’t know how it feels to be me. And I don’t know how it feels to be him.

Have you ever wanted to live in another human’s head, just for a few minutes?

Just to see what it feels like to be someone else? I am fascinated by that, but I don’t know that I would do it if I could. What if I get inside someone else’s head and I find out that the buzz in my head is so much louder? What if I find out what it’s like to feel peaceful and quiet and then I have to go back to the buzzing in my own head?ย I’d have to acknowledge how loud my head is. I’d be forced to admit that I have a problem.

The alternative is so much not better. What if I find that other people are really batshit compared to me? If that is the case, then I don’t know how humanity will make it through next week intact. Not that I’m completely nuts, but I don’t think you want to bump this crazy up even a little.

I guess the best thing would be to find out that we’re all similar enough underneath it all. I would see this and I wouldn’t feel as inadequate and I’d understand that other humans aren’t as scary as I’ve always believed they were.

I suspect the truth is this: We don’t share the same space.

Living in someone else’s head, even for a few moments, would be pointless. It would be nothing more than watching a movie or reading a book, because we’d still have to come back to ourselves. We’d still live in our space. No matter what the contents of another human’s brain are, they would have no bearing on how I feel or how I process emotions and life and music and cravings.

I want to be more content in my own space.

It’s the only one I have. Comparing to other people doesn’t change anything.

Maybe I don’t want to find out what is in your heads.

One thing I would like to do, just one time, is know what a male orgasm feels like, because damn, I suspect it’s all rainbows, unicorns, and cherry snow cones.



About the author


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • That is so true, I’ve often wondered the same thing and also wish that very particular people could live in my head for a minute or two so they would perhaps understand who I am better. I don’t want a stranger rattling around in there, I’d have to tidy up first!

    I love Petty, think that song should be a mantra for the world. If everyone thought about that for a while it make this planet a nicer place to live on.

  • It’s like you were in my head! I have always been obsessed with that idea-see how another person interrupts the world and thinks. Mostly because I worry about my own issues and think others must be a version of “normal.” And I am just a curious person. This was a great post to read ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hell yes on the male orgasm too! Rainbows and sunshine.

  • This is the exact reason why I never try someone else’s meal. I don’t want to have to go back to mine and not enjoy it. I also don’t want to enjoy mine knowing that they can’t be enjoying theirs as much. Conundrum. Problem is I am certain my crazy is worse than my husband’s. No way I can go there but I would love for him to come to the dark side just once.

  • Ooh I second you on the male orgasm thing! But yes, as a philosophy student obsessed with consciousness and the other minds problem, I’ve often shared these thoughts, and as a human clusterfuck, I’ve shared your your wish of finding out that other people really aren’t that scary. I deeply enjoy conversations with people about personal fears. Not because I’m a freak who wants everybody to be just as miserable, but because you usually do find out that often the most ‘together’ people are the most neurotic, and then we can commiserate and not feel so alone. I really wish people were more open about that sort of thing. Anyway, great post ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thank you so much! I wasn’t always open about this. I was terrified of people finding out what a hot mess I usually am. I still don’t go around advertising it (I’m mostly quiet anyway) but I don’t care anymore either. I am me. That’s all I got.

  • I generally have all i can handle in my own head, but there are always people who fascinate, who i’d like to understand or be just for a minute. Then i’ll go back to myself. The crazy you know is the crazy you love. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I have a feeling that if I were in my husband’s head all I’d see is orgasmic rainbows, unicorns, cherry snow cones and lots and lots of boobs and butts. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Hmm……I used to think everyone had the same crazy nattering goin’ on in their heads as me, until one day it dawned on me that I was kind of odd. Now I realize everyone’s odd, it’s just how much I’m willing to accept their oddness and assimilate it into my world ๐Ÿ™‚ Funny post…..and for me, I think women’s orgasms are probably way better than men’s. Fireworks and lightning bolts, vs. rainbows and unicorns are way better in my book.

  • Of course, the best revenge might be letting someone else inhabit our heads for a little while. Because then THEY would have to go back to their own buzzing and brand of crazy. HA!

    (Hmmm…I suppose that says something about me that I thought of that in that way. Yeah.)

  • I often think “What the hell is my husband thinking?” I don’t know if that’s the same thing. I married someone totally polar opposite to me in every single way. I am the thinker, the stresser, the worrier, the cerebral one. He is the doer, the ‘never worry about a thing’, it’s always sunshine and roses come on let’s party. I often think what the hell did we see in each other. He doesn’t read, he’s only a “on the car ride home” music lover. He’s a sports player, watcher, fanatic, physical sort of person. I’m about as physically fit as a marshmallow. How in the hell did we make it almost 24 years? How are we more in love now than ever? I don’t understand it either and I would be terrified to look it would wear me out the first 5 seconds because like him I fear even his brain never stops. It works that’s all I can say, much like you and your Randy so I guess that has to be enough. I thought I was the only person in the world who wanted to know what their orgasm feels like though and oh I want to stand up in pee just one time…in a nasty gas station bathroom just once in my life!

    • Hahah..yeah, peeing while standing would be convenient. I have a friend who tried this once (apparently, there is a method) and it worked fine until then end..then she peed on herself.

  • I don’t think anyone WANTS to switch brains with me! If they did, I probably wouldn’t leave theirs and they’d be fucked stuck in mine.
    And you don’t want to know about the veiny little demon below. He has a mind of his own and usually gets very jumpy at all the wrong times.

  • I can barely handle being in my own head. I think someone else’s would finish me off entirely.

    Another vote for experiencing the male orgasm, though. It’s just got to be amazing, doesn’t it?

  • Interesting post. I don’t know why, but I have become much more comfortable with my own brand of crazy the last few years. I think we are all crazy, just in our own varied ways.

    I don’t worry as much now, probably because I saw how miserable my mother was, as she constantly manufactured things to worry about. Now I catch myself before it gets out of hand – or my husband catches it for me. ๐Ÿ˜€

    And I can’t be bothered to compare myself anymore. You said it best “I want to be more content in my own space. Itโ€™s the only one I have. Comparing to other people doesnโ€™t change anything.” Sing it sister.

  • Ah, the eternal question: what is the nature of the self?
    My eternal answer: Fucked if I know.
    I think the middle ground is that while we can’t live inside one another’s heads. we can try to act as though we do–in other words, have compassion for what they might be experiencing. That’s my goal, even though I don’t get there as often as I’d like.

  • Yes! I want to experience the male orgasm! WHAT IF it’s not as good as the female orgasm? Wouldn’t that be hilarious? We could all be quietly smug about these easy to please super excitable men and their sad little orgasmsโ€ฆ or maybe I’m just weird for having that little fantasyโ€ฆ and I think this is the most I’ve ever said orgasm in a blog comment.

  • Ha! I have always wondered that too!! Especially the part about the guys getting it on ๐Ÿ˜€
    I think we wouldn’t get much from being in others heads because we would still be missing the context.
    It would still be cool though.

    This has got to be one of my favorite posts!

  • We all have some crazy we’re hiding ๐Ÿ˜‰ (Faking ‘normal’). Some things should remain a mystery. As for the orgasm, it would be interesting to know but for him it’s all over with one. WE get to have multiples—so hands down, we are the lucky ones.

  • I’ve always been thankful no one can get into my head – it is incredibly noisy, messy and some corners are really dark. I prefer to keep the door tightly shut on that quagmire. A few unfortunates have dared to wade in there (my husband of 30 years being one of them), and actually survived.

    However, I make it my unoffical, and unrequested, life’s work to try to get into other people’s heads and “understand” them. Why I’m not sure, beacuse even if I could truly enter, I’d still approach them from my perspective. As it is now, I quell my insecurities with thoughts such as “she feels like me,” or “he is just as unsure,” “or “she doesn’t now everything about this either.” What if I find out all of my self-pacifications are oh-so-wrong? Yikes!

    There just isn’t anymore room behind that door in my own head for additional crazy clutter. Better, I think, to hold tight to my happy delusions and keep clear what tiny spaces are left on the floor of my mind.

  • People tend to seem unsettled when they get a glimpse inside of my head. Go figure, right?

    I am interested, every once in awhile, about what’s happening in other peoples’ brain boxes.

  • I think that every time you post a blog and get a ton of responses, you get another peek inside our heads, even as you are giving us a peek inside yours. I think more than a peek would be more than any of us could stand. I think it would be like an avalanche of thoughts and emotions that would drown us. I am the product of my past – everything that I think and feel now has some basis in something that happened then. My brain has all that stuff organized and has a lot of it stashed in a dented file cabinet in a dusty corner and most of the time I don’t think about it anymore unless I have a reason to go dig it out. But if you stepped into my mind, you would be hit with everything because you don’t know why I am afraid of dogs or why I won’t eat Cup-o-Noodles or why I say “Hi Mom” every time I see a crow. You would never find out if I am more or less crazy than you are, because you would go insane trying to process all of my “stuff” because half of it wouldn’t make sense and you would stop to explain to me why “That is just really stupid” but then more stupid shit would knock you off your feet and you would be gasping for air and wondering why you didn’t just stay in your own damn brain. And then your last coherent thought before slipping into the abyss would be . . . “Was that a unicorn?”

  • When my husband and I first started dating, I told him I believe that everybody is a little crazy. I think he finally believed me after I let some of my crazy out. Of course then his thought was that all WOMEN are crazy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I think it’d be beneficial for closed minded people to share someone else’s headspace for a bit to see what it’s like to think from another perspective. I think most conflict in this world comes from being closed minded. I think this on a global, as well as a personal, level.

    But for us already open-minded people, it’d be a waste. We’d just see what we already know – that we’re all a little different and a little the same, but that is what makes us love, like, and care about others.

  • This is so true…I think we all think about what it’s like to be someone else, but at the end we need to realize that we shouldn’t want to be anyone other than who we are. My mom always said that you never knew what went on behind closed doors and that I should never wish to be in anyone else’s shoes. It’s hard sometimes to be content with who you are or what you have, and perhaps maybe we could use the perspective of someone else to help broaden our understanding of each other, but I guess there’s a reason we don’t have that capability.
    Oh and thanks for the laugh at the end there!

  • I used to think that if we could see from each others’ perspective it would make the world a lot better, but I think you’re right: we wouldn’t gain anything from it. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize that when others are suffering what I feel is empathy, usually because I don’t even have a frame of reference for understanding what they’re feeling. That’s opposed to sympathy, a feeling you have when you’ve been through something similar so you sort of have an understanding of what another person is going through.

    As for male orgasms, in Greek mythology Tiresias was changed from a man into a woman when he hit a couple of mating snakes. Later he was changed back into a man. Zeus and Hera asked him who enjoyed sex more: men or women. He said, “Oh, definitely women.” Hera didn’t like that answer so she struck him blind. Zeus felt bad for him, so he gave Tiresias the power to see the future.

    Maybe you’d be happier if you were blind and could see the future, but I’m sharing that story as a warning that maybe there are some things you don’t want answered.

  • I would love to get inside a straight man’s head and experience his reaction to breasts. Because I don’t get it. To me they just seem…fleshy. I’d also like to know what a boner feels like. As awesome as they are from my perspective, I have no clue how it feels to have a body part suddenly develop temporary rigor mortis.

  • Delightfully insightful post. It made me think, but mostly I’m left with: Ohhhhh it WOULD be rad to experience the male orgasm!!! That’s on my bucket list. It’ll happen.

  • At least if someone did that with a member of the opposite sex we could finally get the answer to the age old mystery of which is more painful: childbirth or a kick in the nuts.


    luv ya

  • It would definitely be funny to do it for a little while – although I really do want to get into the head of someone who is having an easier time than me and not someone dealing with more cr*p than I am at the moment !!!
    Have a great day !

  • I had an experience once (involving LSD) that made me very glad we have the privacy of our own minds. And male orgasms are… messy. It always seemed to me that women enjoyed theirs more, so you might br all “That’s what that was all about?” disappointed. You could ask a transgendered person, but that wouldn’t be the same as experiencing it yourself.

  • This is a really intriguing thought. I love analysing people, quizzing friends and family (and patient strangers, for that matter) about what’s going on with them and what makes them tick, so I would LOVE to be able to get right inside their heads and see the world from their perspective. That said, I think I’d be more afraid of finding out that everyone is sane except for me ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • I wouldn’t wish what goes on in my head on anyone. I’m not sure I’d want to experience a male orgasm. I’m sure it is rainbow, unicorns, cotton candy, and the cat’s pajamas, but it would only make me resent them.

  • thanks for this. Been working through a lot of emotions related to being accepted by family/friends for my lifestyle choices. But, at the end of the day, no one can know my life better than me. And, you wouldn’t want to be in my head: I’ve been known for getting over analytical !!!

  • I KNEW we were twins separated at birth! The whole time I was reading your post, I was thinking, “I’d want to have sex as a man to see how that feels.” I literally gave a little shout when I read your last line. Male orgasms seem so effortless — while women seem to have to do more work to get there (or at least have a guy who is willing to finish the job).

    Sometimes I’d like to get into someone’s head just so I really know what the hell they are really thinking.

By Michelle


RSIH in your inbox