Randy and I had our marathon phone call with our mountain friends. I got a headache and fell asleep before the call was over.
Randy woke me up when he came to bed and we ended up watching videos. We watched Adam Ant, Tom Petty, and The Clash. There isn’t much I love more than listening to Joe Strummer crow.
I feel asleep early and then woke up. Now? It’s not even 11 and I’m wide awake and Randy is sound asleep. We are definitely in different rhythms tonight.
Anyway, we were listening to Tom Petty and he sang you don’t know how it feels to be me.
I thought about that. I watched Randy get up and walk into the bathroom and thought, there isn’t anyone on the planet who knows me better than Randy, but he doesn’t live in my head. He doesn’t know how it feels to be me. And I don’t know how it feels to be him.
Have you ever wanted to live in another human’s head, just for a few minutes?
Just to see what it feels like to be someone else? I am fascinated by that, but I don’t know that I would do it if I could. What if I get inside someone else’s head and I find out that the buzz in my head is so much louder? What if I find out what it’s like to feel peaceful and quiet and then I have to go back to the buzzing in my own head? I’d have to acknowledge how loud my head is. I’d be forced to admit that I have a problem.
The alternative is so much not better. What if I find that other people are really batshit compared to me? If that is the case, then I don’t know how humanity will make it through next week intact. Not that I’m completely nuts, but I don’t think you want to bump this crazy up even a little.
I guess the best thing would be to find out that we’re all similar enough underneath it all. I would see this and I wouldn’t feel as inadequate and I’d understand that other humans aren’t as scary as I’ve always believed they were.
I suspect the truth is this: We don’t share the same space.
Living in someone else’s head, even for a few moments, would be pointless. It would be nothing more than watching a movie or reading a book, because we’d still have to come back to ourselves. We’d still live in our space. No matter what the contents of another human’s brain are, they would have no bearing on how I feel or how I process emotions and life and music and cravings.
I want to be more content in my own space.
It’s the only one I have. Comparing to other people doesn’t change anything.
Maybe I don’t want to find out what is in your heads.
One thing I would like to do, just one time, is know what a male orgasm feels like, because damn, I suspect it’s all rainbows, unicorns, and cherry snow cones.