I Am Not Taking Aging Seriously Enough

Seriously, you guys, I’m not taking aging seriously enough.

I’m going to be 58 next month and I just now got around to dying my hair a funky color. I am so behind. I should have done this a few years ago.

My stepdaughter told me about this hair conditioner that adds subtle color to your hair. I bought platinum and purple.

I started with the platinum. I thought the platinum would make my gray whiter and I’d have this cool sort of bride of Frankenstein thing going on.

It didn’t turn out that way, though. Mostly, the gray lightened up a little, but my hair looked more sad. Like it was gray but holding a sparkler that was just about to die out. Not the big sparklers, the little shitty sparklers.

I decided to try the purple.

I love the purple. The purple makes my hair a little darker and my gray is shades of purple ranging from a gray lavender to purple gray hairPaisley Park. I think I might be a unicorn now.

I mean, if the unicorn is also the Crypt Keeper.

I don’t wear makeup anymore. I never want to stop wearing pajamas. I’m basically a cave dweller at this point, so I don’t know why having purple hair means anything at all. But still. I kind of like it. I don’t brush my hair or anything, but I still like the look.

And it’s a thing. You know?

I can’t even claim I still have the dying embers of my youth anymore. And I sleep with a grandpa of six grandkids.

What I have now, is that expanse of time that hangs between middle age and elderly.

So, of course I dyed my hair purple. I think I will call this particular shade “I am TOO still fun, I mean, look at my hair! It’s fucking purple!” purple.

I’m going to hold on to these years for as long as I can. Because we all know what comes next. Next are the “capri pants with elastic waistbands and sun visor” years.

Not just capris and sun visors. I won’t be that kind of senior. I don’t think. Probably not.

There will be a top involved, I am sure. Probably, a wind breaker, too.

It’s Monday morning, I have no idea what will happen between now and noon on the 20th. I am hoping for smooth, but holding my breath, because we all know something is going to happen.

But I’ll be ready, because I’m not elderly quite yet, I have purple hair and I might be a unicorn. Or the crypt keeper.

I’m honestly cool with either.




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  • Good morning and re-post the picture with your entire head so we can see the full effect! Besides, you’re giving me ideas and I’m well into the elderly stage.

    I’d like to think that all of this chaos will be over in 2 days, but we all know that’s not remotely possible. And then that fucktard will be moving down here and creating havoc every time he farts. I wonder how his fan base will react when they see their new tax bills for keeping him and his family safe. Did you hear the rumor that he’s grooming Ivanka for a Senate run? OMG, like roaches, they’re everywhere.

  • I should take this aging thing more seriously, too, I mean, since everytime I go to the doctor now, she finds a cool test – that I fail – and orders a different one.
    I’m going to the doctor a LOT these days, but – and how cool is this? – nothing hurts!!! HAHA! Take that, medical community! I’m not beholden to you for pain.
    Thank the Goddess.
    I just got this doctor and she’s young and before my last appointment, one of her patients called her fat.
    What the fuckity fuck??? So I spent my appointment counselling her of the mean ways of idiot people and how much more value she has than her appearance and how much I appreciate her dedication to her profession, especially these days.
    Turns out, she is one of the few who refuse to prescribe opiates!!! Now who’s the SuperStar!!
    So, of course, I offered to beat the mean patient enough to need opiates πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    I felt so sorry for her. She was near tears and trying to be so professional and I could tell she had just had enough and she told me, “Thank you” and I told her, “Nobody fucks with my good doctor.”
    And she smiled and that is the best I have felt for months.
    Still have to do the mammogram, tho – she wouldn’t squeeze my boob no matter how much I begged πŸ˜‰
    What is the brand name of this divine β€œI am TOO still fun, I mean, look at my hair! It’s fucking purple!” purple hair conditioning dye?
    I think I have earned the subtle Unicorn effect, too.

  • That color is fantastic! I stopped coloring my hair in my late 40’s. I’ll be 60 in April! That color does look fun. I seriously might do that for my birthday. Hey, it’s not like I’ll be going out to celebrate, so if it’s a disaster, so friggen what! I’m scared of what is to come this week. I hate thinking of the innocent lives that will be lost because of that asshole. Maybe it will be okay. Right? Stay well!

  • Over the next few years a lot of us, I think, are going to find out that getting older really does have its advantages. The main one is that there’s a certain point at which trying to do fun things the kids are doing is just sad, but eventually we get past that point and it actually becomes cool. Like a guy in his forties taking up skateboarding is just pathetic, but a guy taking up skateboarding in his sixties is awesome.
    That’s really directed at Randy, by the way. Dyeing your hair at any age is cool.

  • Zsuzs has part of her hair dyed purple, and after a while it sort of fades to pink, but she really hates pink, so once Briana, who had electric blue hair for about a year one time, took some MAC pigment and mixed it into Zsuzs’ hair coloring and it did last longer. I don’t know what ever became of that but I assume that it’s probably too expensive to do all of the time.
    I know what you mean about not taking aging seriously. About once every three days or so I catch myself saying “Fuck! I’m sixty!” as though that made anything different. When I’m 62 I will qualify for senior housing in various places, but hopefully we won’t need to exercise that particular option, at least not for a good long while.
    It’s MLK day, so I think I’ll probably watch that video of U2’s Pride set to footage of civil rights protests again.
    I don’t know what specie of fit Fergus will throw either, other than the hundred or so pardons he’s said to be preparing to issue, but goddamn it, it will be so much better in a couple of days even if he does misbehave again because he won’t be the goddamn president any more. And all of the grifters and imbeciles he appointed to his cabinet will be replaced with folks who can actually do their jobs.
    Fuck MAGA, I want MGBA: make government boring again.
    And we get all of the senate committee chairs back, fuck, I must be getting old, listen to me go on about fucking senate committee chairs.
    Anyway, I hope y’all are doing OK at this new chapter beginning in the Book of the Apocalypse, because there are really some things to be optimistic about.

  • Wonderful! I have some purple hair dye around the house. I want to use it but I also don’t want to have to scrub purple dye out of my tub every day for the next three weeks. I am torn. πŸ˜€

  • This is awesome. I love how you morphed into a unicorn so effortlessly. Pajama living and dabbling in funky hair color ain’t all that bad. Goes to show, you are only as old as you feel. Or something like that.

  • I’m 46.
    I don’t even have the energy to dye my hair a regular color.
    Or put on make up.
    But I love the purple.

    I think I need a vacation.

By Michelle


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