I shouldn’t have to do this, but I am going to do this, because OMFG, people are goddamn edgy right now.

Anyway, I want to make it very clear that I don’t hate old white men. My favorite human on the planet is an old white man. Happy belated birthday to Randy who turned 62 this month. There are many old white men I appreciate and love.

That being said?

I am goddamn sick of old white men.

I’m not saying that old white men just now became horrible, because honestly, they’ve sucked for decades, I’m saying it seems like they’re really acting up these days.

Perhaps, it’s because we’re tired of their shit and they feel the winds of change.

By winds of change, I mean, we’re fucking pissed as fuck.

But I digress.

Last Friday, I went out for lunch by myself. I had a shitty day and needed to walk away from my cubicle because I sincerely wanted to either cry or physically attack someone. And I don’t mean anyone specific. I just wanted to hit something. But who needs assault charges?

I can’t do time. I would never survive in the stripey hole. I’d say it’s because I look bad in orange (because I do) but really, it’s everything else. I am not cut out for prison life. So, you know, going out for lunch was in everyone’s best interest. Mostly mine.

My stomach hurt when I finished eating because I got a double decker cheeseburger and onion rings. After all, I’m nearly 60 and I should fucking know better. But as I said, shitty morning.

I walked to the counter to pay my bill. There was someone at the register paying their bill, so I stood adjacent to them and waited my turn.

Then, an old white dude came in.

I immediately knew that he was not a happy old white dude. His deep, exasperated sigh game was goddamn on point. He crossed his arms and snorted a bit. He was in a goddamn hurry.

I also knew, that as soon as the guy at the registered paid his bill, that the unhappy old white dude was going to step in front of me and place his to go order.….no.

That wasn’t going to happen.

When the guy adjacent to me turned to leave, I made a badass electric slide move to my left to pay my bill.

Angry old white man: Pushy.

I looked over my shoulder.

Me: I’m sorry, are you speaking to me?

AOWD: Yeah, you’re pushy.

Me: Because I’m next in line and you wanted me to let you go before me?

He shrugged and raised his eyebrows in an “of course, you dumb cunt” sort of look. I may be supplying inflammatory meaning, but it’s my blog, so.

Me: I am so sick of people like you.

I paid my bill and turned to leave. As I passed the angry old white man, he said “bitch” under his breath.

So, I flipped him off with both hands and went back to work. Where my stressful day got goddamn worse.

Not gonna lie. It wasn’t a good day. I don’t have a funny end for it. The day just sucked.

But is that my only old white man story? No. No it is not.

The following is paraphrased because I don’t feel like going to Twitter and reading the comments again. It won’t be exact, but it is goddamn close.

I tweeted something about Joe Biden very nearly appointing an anti-abortion federal judge in Kentucky.

This is not acceptable. I mean, I’m glad it didn’t happen, but Kentucky already has a fuckton of issues. They don’t need anti-abortion federal judges. Fuck.

Anyway, some old white dude tweeted back to me that it was a conspiracy theory.

It’s not. Joe Biden was going to appoint Chad Meredith as a federal judge. McConnell supports him. However, Rand Paul objected, so Biden pulled his nomination. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is what fucking happened.

So, I responded that it was not a conspiracy theory. That it was reported on reputable news sites, not crackpot blogs. This is what happened.

Annoying Old White Dude Part Deux: I believe everything I read on twitter.

Me: I don’t understand. Are you saying that you actually believe everything you read on twitter or are you mocking me, even though the story isn’t a conspiracy theory?

AOWDII: I am so proud of you.

Me: okay

AOWDII: Haha, you’re about to lose your shit.

Me: No. I only pointed out that what I said wasn’t a conspiracy theory and you responded with nonsense.

AOWDII: You obviously want to keep this going. If you don’t like what I’m saying, why do you keep responding.

Me: You responded to my tweet, my dude. I get what is happening. I explained, politely, that you were wrong and you just really can’t deal with it. You fragile, candy ass.

AOWDII: You hate men. I can’t decide whether to stop or keep toying with you.

Me: Let me make the choice super easy.

Then I blocked him. Because what the fuck?

It’s easy to make fun of the fragility of old white men, but look at what they are doing.

We have a supreme court justice who screamed and cried in his fucking job interview. You think he might be exacting his revenge now? Because I assure you, Justice PunchableFace McRapeyHands doesn’t two fucks about a fetus.

I’m going to keep begging.


Our lives depend on it.

And old white men? Time for you to step aside.

vote blue goat









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  • I get ya – I’m walking the knife’s edge myself these days; I could topple off at any moment. Maybe that would be a good thing? Bcz life like this just CANNOT GO ON!

  • Oh my, you weren’t kidding about your day being super shitty. I hope today is better for you.

    I live in Kentucky and was pretty shocked when I read about Biden’s plans to appoint that judge. Apparently he was attempting to get the Republicans to ease up on some other issue. Conspiracy theory?! This is a stupid question but why don’t people educate themselves before attacking other people? It’s particularly ironic that he accused you of being gullible.

    Totally rocks how you handled both AOWDs.

  • Michelle, Ma Belle.
    Feel that rage. Inspire others with it. Run for election. Fuel the fires of the peaceful mobs who not only want the God Damned
    current cabal stopped, but want to prevent the kind of politicking that compels Mr Biden to play scratch my back with other
    old white men who think they know everything.
    Everybody, run for election. Fund someone to run for election.. Show and tell the truth about these MFs.
    Ted Cruz and his gang have a group reservation for themselves that makes hell seem like the county fair.
    Clarence, they’re coming for you and Ginny because you have painted yourself in a corner, you fool.
    and his gang

  • On the down side, is that the ‘new generation’ are replicas of the OWM. DeSantis is just Trump Deux, only able to hold onto the country in a coup for decades instead of for as long as Trump can enslave his kingdom. And I can’t see any Dems who could hold their own against the lying smear campaigns against them. The only viable potential candidates are just too Left to turn off Moderates, so we’re screwed there as well. But holy crap, we need to get a better grasp on Congress before anymore shit hits the fan!
    I stay inside unless needed elsewhere and pick and choose what I follow on my computer. So, without knowing how it happened (hello Covid), I’ve become an isolationist. Good thing I like my own company!

  • I thought it was only me who has started hating old white dudes! ” Thank you!” I’m so tired of being angry, and scared of what’s going to happen next. Take care of yourself.

  • As a NAOWD [not angry old white dude] who always enjoys your blogs I agree with you. What pisses me off is that just because I’m white and old (74) and male everybody thinks I must be an AOWD thanks to these a-holes. I’m a lifelong Democrat originally from the northeast (but now living in Indiana which except for the politics) is a great place to grow old- no annoying “youth culture” to deal with. This place is like “nostalgia central”. Look at our latest license plate – a picture of a covered bridge for god’s sake. Shows you just how forward thinking this state wants to be.
    At any rate please don’t ever think all of us are AOWDs. Most of us a pretty nice guys with manners to match.

    • Trust me, I know. I am a 59 year old white demographic SUCKS. We’re just terrible. It takes those like us to counteract the assholish behavior of our counterparts.

  • Given that this is the way you, a respectable looking middle aged white woman, were treated, I shudder to think how the AOWD treat our fellow non-white humans.

  • 1000% agree with everything you said. I have a few old white man stories myself, which is sad and makes me angry because I shouldn’t have such stories. Hang in there. Virtual hugs.

  • I’m an old white guy. Or at the very least a white guy who’s getting old. And I hesitate to say anything because, as you’ve said, old white guys need to step aside. And we need to shut up.
    But I do want to say it’s nice to see Conspiracy Goat again, promoting such a positive message.
    I’ll shut up now.

    • Haha…I always enjoy reading what you have to say. Of course it’s not all old white guys (or even aging white guys) I’m just saying there are a LOT of them. Damn.

  • I’ve been at my limit on old white men for decades, and now at 61 I am one.
    Conspiracy, yes, as there was clearly more than one dumbfuck involved in the making of that decision, but theoretical? Hell no, it was real as fuck. And he was otherwise doing so well on judicial appointments in both quantity and quality. I especially liked how he was appointing judges who had experience as public defenders, because those fuckers really know how the legal system works for folks who can’t afford attorneys. Like me, for instance.
    Sorry to hear about your asshole encounter(s).
    I voted in the primary, which was not a very satisfying election because all of the top line candidates were sure things and there were way too many Republicans running unopposed in the local races. Still, there was a county supervisor candidate who had been doing a lot of local advertising, and who hid his party affiliation so thoroughly that I couldn’t find it out in a half hour of online searching. But do you know what I did find out in that half hour? A different candidate who was endorsed by the local Democratic party. So all in all, a half hour well spent.
    I will, of course, be voting in the general. May the general character of your workdays undergo a vast improvement instantaneously.

    • I appreciate this so much. Today was better than Friday. I look forward to not going to work at all. In 3 years.


      Probably not. But I can dream

  • Because I’m as speechless now as I have been for many months – well, not really speechless, just at a loss as to what in the hell to say – can I just say thank you? Because you said it all, as you often do. So thank you. And maybe, maybe, someday we will all wake up from this nightmare? No, I didn’t think so. But still, thank you.

By Michelle


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