I shouldn’t have to do this, but I am going to do this, because OMFG, people are goddamn edgy right now.
Anyway, I want to make it very clear that I don’t hate old white men. My favorite human on the planet is an old white man. Happy belated birthday to Randy who turned 62 this month. There are many old white men I appreciate and love.
That being said?
I am goddamn sick of old white men.
I’m not saying that old white men just now became horrible, because honestly, they’ve sucked for decades, I’m saying it seems like they’re really acting up these days.
Perhaps, it’s because we’re tired of their shit and they feel the winds of change.
By winds of change, I mean, we’re fucking pissed as fuck.
But I digress.
Last Friday, I went out for lunch by myself. I had a shitty day and needed to walk away from my cubicle because I sincerely wanted to either cry or physically attack someone. And I don’t mean anyone specific. I just wanted to hit something. But who needs assault charges?
I can’t do time. I would never survive in the stripey hole. I’d say it’s because I look bad in orange (because I do) but really, it’s everything else. I am not cut out for prison life. So, you know, going out for lunch was in everyone’s best interest. Mostly mine.
My stomach hurt when I finished eating because I got a double decker cheeseburger and onion rings. After all, I’m nearly 60 and I should fucking know better. But as I said, shitty morning.
I walked to the counter to pay my bill. There was someone at the register paying their bill, so I stood adjacent to them and waited my turn.
Then, an old white dude came in.
I immediately knew that he was not a happy old white dude. His deep, exasperated sigh game was goddamn on point. He crossed his arms and snorted a bit. He was in a goddamn hurry.
I also knew, that as soon as the guy at the registered paid his bill, that the unhappy old white dude was going to step in front of me and place his to go order.
That wasn’t going to happen.
When the guy adjacent to me turned to leave, I made a badass electric slide move to my left to pay my bill.
Angry old white man: Pushy.
I looked over my shoulder.
Me: I’m sorry, are you speaking to me?
AOWD: Yeah, you’re pushy.
Me: Because I’m next in line and you wanted me to let you go before me?
He shrugged and raised his eyebrows in an “of course, you dumb cunt” sort of look. I may be supplying inflammatory meaning, but it’s my blog, so.
Me: I am so sick of people like you.
I paid my bill and turned to leave. As I passed the angry old white man, he said “bitch” under his breath.
So, I flipped him off with both hands and went back to work. Where my stressful day got goddamn worse.
Not gonna lie. It wasn’t a good day. I don’t have a funny end for it. The day just sucked.
But is that my only old white man story? No. No it is not.
The following is paraphrased because I don’t feel like going to Twitter and reading the comments again. It won’t be exact, but it is goddamn close.
I tweeted something about Joe Biden very nearly appointing an anti-abortion federal judge in Kentucky.
This is not acceptable. I mean, I’m glad it didn’t happen, but Kentucky already has a fuckton of issues. They don’t need anti-abortion federal judges. Fuck.
Anyway, some old white dude tweeted back to me that it was a conspiracy theory.
It’s not. Joe Biden was going to appoint Chad Meredith as a federal judge. McConnell supports him. However, Rand Paul objected, so Biden pulled his nomination. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is what fucking happened.
So, I responded that it was not a conspiracy theory. That it was reported on reputable news sites, not crackpot blogs. This is what happened.
Annoying Old White Dude Part Deux: I believe everything I read on twitter.
Me: I don’t understand. Are you saying that you actually believe everything you read on twitter or are you mocking me, even though the story isn’t a conspiracy theory?
AOWDII: I am so proud of you.
AOWDII: Haha, you’re about to lose your shit.
Me: No. I only pointed out that what I said wasn’t a conspiracy theory and you responded with nonsense.
AOWDII: You obviously want to keep this going. If you don’t like what I’m saying, why do you keep responding.
Me: You responded to my tweet, my dude. I get what is happening. I explained, politely, that you were wrong and you just really can’t deal with it. You fragile, candy ass.
AOWDII: You hate men. I can’t decide whether to stop or keep toying with you.
Me: Let me make the choice super easy.
Then I blocked him. Because what the fuck?
It’s easy to make fun of the fragility of old white men, but look at what they are doing.
We have a supreme court justice who screamed and cried in his fucking job interview. You think he might be exacting his revenge now? Because I assure you, Justice PunchableFace McRapeyHands doesn’t two fucks about a fetus.
I’m going to keep begging.
VOTE IN THE MIDTERMS.
Our lives depend on it.
And old white men? Time for you to step aside.