An Open Letter To My Kid’s Ex-Boss

A

Dear Douche Twizzle,

My kid, your ex-employee, is 16 nearly 17 and on the cusp of being an adult.  Do you know what you call a human who is on the cusp of being an adult? A child.

I would agree that the way my son ended his employment with you was not done in a professional manner. He was unhappy working at your frozen yogurt store. It would have been great for him to give you two weeks notice instead of finishing his shift, then sending you an email that he quit. After all, you give two weeks notice when you terminate employees, right?

He’s 16 years old. He has food, shelter, a family who loves and supports him and he doesn’t have any bills. He doesn’t understand yet that leaving a job in that manner isn’t an option for most of us.

Let’s be honest though, haven’t most of us left at least one job in a less than stellar manner? I know I did once and I was double the age my son is now.

I understand you were inconvenienced. I understand you were left in a bind to cover his shifts. You’re a business owner though, you know this happens. He could have just been ill for his next shift and you would have been in the same boat.

Which brings me to my next point. Do you understand why he left? He was treated disrespectfully by a young woman that you deemed fit to manage other humans. He got a stomach virus and called in sick because he had been vomiting all day.

When he went to his next shift, he was accused by your manager of being a liar. She said she didn’t believe he was sick and that if she found out he was lying about being sick, she would see to it that he was fired. I really have no idea how she was going to ‘find out’ anything. 

It would seem to me, that since your business is selling food to the public, you wouldn’t want a vomiting employee in your establishment. I don’t know. For convenience sake, maybe you would. I can see where your manager was skeptical, though. It’s fucking unheard of for a kid to get sick like that during the cold and flu season.

She made him stay late to clean machines as a punishment because she felt he was mean to her. This was a school night. He didn’t get home until after 11:00. How was he mean? He was mean because he objected to being called a liar. He was also berated for walking across the room too slow.

There were other issues as well and he came to the logical conclusion that this girl was going to keep tormenting him and he chose to walk away from it. I can’t say that I blame him.

Here’s where I go from being annoyed with your choice of manager to being extremely annoyed with you. You self absorbed bag of squishy dicks.

You, an adult business owner, sent a series of texts messages to my son, who we have established is still a child. You told him he had no integrity. Why don’t you talk to your nasty little manager about integrity? You told him that he wouldn’t make it in the real world. Only you worded it as ‘good luck in the real world, you’re going to need it’. Fucking really, dude? This is how you are willing to talk to a child?

Even that isn’t my biggest complaint. You couldn’t stop with just insulting my kid and telling him that he was going to fail at life because he chose to cease working at a fro yo place. You proceeded to text him that your nephew had died and that you couldn’t be with your family because you had to cover his shift.

First, and I do mean this sincerely, I am sorry for your loss. Losing a nephew would be devastating. But to text my son and to lay your inability to be with your family in your time of grief on his shoulders is beyond the pale. You could have just closed your fucking shop for the evening. How dare you text my child and lay that off on him?

I cannot begin to tell you how badly I wanted to talk to you face to face and tell you in great and very loud detail how very little I think of your integrity

My son, however, asked me to not say anything. This was his job and for him to deal with.

He’s right. This is his issue to deal with. It’s time for me to step back and let him find his way to adulthood that is approaching at a rate of speed which leaves me breathless. I can’t fight his battles anymore. You should really be glad for that, because I definitely would have scared off a few of your customers if I had come in to speak to you.

I’m glad my son took the high road. I’m glad you delivered a lesson to my son. The lesson is that sometimes people are insufferable assholes. All in all, I’m sure he’s grown from the experience. I suppose I could thank you for that growth.

I won’t though. I’m way too petty for that and you fucked with my kid. Instead I will just say this: Fuck you. Fuck your horse.

I hope your yogurt goes bad.

 

 

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85 comments

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  • Such restraint Michelle. Although I can’t imagine the tediousness of being a fro yo manager, there is no punishing in ‘the real world’. You walk too slow you just have a bigger line of customers to deal with. You spend a day with a toilet, you don’t get paid. That is the real world. Fuck that fro yo place for trying to parent your child when what they needed to do was manage their business and mind their own.

  • Fuck yeah!
    Although how you managed to restrain yourself from saying all this in person is beyond me. I still haven’t learned to accept insufferable assholes – to me, they are truly that – not to be suffered.

    • It wasn’t easy..but he’s old enough to handle these things and I have to respect his wishes when it comes to his job. I’m still chafing a bit though. Writing this helped.

  • I spent 11 years managing a family business that employed unskilled labor with a high turnover rate. We always had a contingency plan as we knew when people quit it would 9 times out of 10 be with no notice. As a small business owner you must realize that you alone are responsible for it at the end of the day. If we missed holidays, family events, etc. we were prepared to accept that. It sounds like the manager was an obnoxious woman with her first small grip on “power”. While I applaud your son for knowing when to walk away, I cannot applaud the no notice part. Even 24-48 hours would have been appropriate given the situation. I am guessing, though, that no matter how he left the owner would have been douchey about it. It’s hard having to learn that there are sucky adults out there.

    • I agree…and I did tell him that giving notice was appropriate, but in the end, it was his decision. He came home for break that night and didn’t want to go back, I did tell him then that he had to at least finish his shift..but after that..it was up to him.

  • Your son learned many real world lessons. The threat to fire him was on the table but he quit and beat them to it so I don’t understand the owner’s tirade! Also does he not understand customer service goes beyond the customers in line at the counter but the family and friends of employees. Some how I don’t see you recommending this place.

  • So they didn’t believe that your son was actually sick with a stomach bug? Well now I’m doubting the owner’s story about a nephew dying! Sounds like they were just trying for a huge guilt trip! I mean really, so what maybe the line of people who HAD to have frozen yogurt that day (IN JANUARY!) would have been longer because they were 1 person short on shift! Bullshit! Also, “in the real world” years ago, my sister and her husband owned and ran a small deli in an office building and when my first husband passed away, guess what, they put up a sign closed for death in the family and attending his funeral!

  • I hope someone forwards this to the dipshit! What an asshole. I, too, have had a son walk off a job. He worked the midnight sort for a well known overnight package delivery business while in college. He’s 6’4″ and about 220. On the line, consistently women would step back and expect him to handle anything that was large or heavy. (They were making the same as he was and their job descriptions were the same.) He talked to his manager about it, but nothing changed except increased hostility from the women he worked with. He got so fed up, he walked off mid-shift. The manager was a family friend and called us to get him to come in and resign. He was 19 years old at the time and we didn’t interfere in his work life. He actually ended up not getting his final paycheck because he wouldn’t go in and they wouldn’t mail it to him. They also were fuckwads. He’s 40 now and it still pisses me off to think about it. I grew up in the feminist movement. I think if a woman is going to do any job, she should do the job she signed in to do. Otherwise, how will we ever really have pay equity? It just makes women look like losers to expect someone else to do their job. I’m getting on the treadmill now and working off some of this hostility.

  • There’s a lesson about the real word in here and it is that adult =/= mature. As the person above me said, I don’t believe for a second that nephew dying story. And guilt tripping over text message? Le sigh.

  • Oh my goodness! How awful! You go, mom. For the owner to send those texts? Leadership starts at the top, whether it be a yogurt shop or a department store. Talk about lack on integrity on the owner’s part. Stopping by from SITS Saturday Sharefest. I hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend!

  • Fuck you. Fuck your horse. I hope your yogurt goes bad.

    You are my fucking hero. Good for your son for taking the high road and I’m glad that he was able to learn that adults can be fucktards too. Sad lesson but true nonetheless.

  • You know, if you “cleaned up” your open letter, you could send it in to the OP-ED section of your newspaper. They say that any publicity is good publicity, but I doubt sincerely that this would help them. I don’t know if you could use their name, as that might be grounds for libel/slander – maybe you could allude to it.

    But in any case, you’re completely right about them being douches. Although, having printed it here among friends, might be just the catharsis you needed. But you might want to advise him to leave that job off his resume, in case a future employer tries to contact for references. Or have him put a short explanation of why there would be no recommendation from that job. Also, spread the word about avoiding that particular place – a benign “strike” might open their eyes.

  • Wow.
    I’ll retweet this just because as many people as possible should here about this twat.
    Well done on being restrained enough to name names & businesses though.

  • I really hope by some miracle the douche twizzle gets to read this.

    Kudos for not going over there and ramming some frozen yoghurt where the sun don’t shine.

    I do think the owner/manager of that establishment needs to be made aware of quite a lot of the content in this, for constructive purposes if nothing else. However, I doubt they would be the kind of person to take on board that he was more than justified in walking and leaving them to it in the circumstances.

    Dealt with work bullies too often in my early years, horrible people.

  • Oh yeah. Your son shouldn’t have quit in quite that manner, but the fro-yo owner’s behavior is BEYOND inappropriate. I mean, what, is HE sixteen?

    “Good luck in the real world,” indeed. Sounds like luck is something this guy could use, either that or some incentive to work on his coping skills.

  • If the establishment is big enough that the owner has a “manager” separate from himself, and the owner had “death” in the family, why in hell wasn’t the “manager” filling in until they could hire someone??? I have more than one friend who works in a management position and has to cover shifts if there is someone out and no one else to cover it. Even if it means working a double shift. So I have no sympathy for the owner. At. All.

    I would definitely spread the word about this establishment. If this kind of behavior is the norm, they won’t last long anyway.

    (Oh, and when you see the quotes in the first sentence, you should imagine air quotes of the most sarcastic, nasty sort. Just so you know.)

  • In my 35 grown-up years I’ve had many different jobs and many employers. Some good, some bad, all a lesson to be learned.
    The good thing about starting off with a bad employer is it gives you insight that helps you choose a good employer in the future.
    Because while they’re evaluating you, you should be evaluating them.

  • I remember being in a small town and seeing signs in many stores that they were closed for my cousin’s Bar Mitzvah! A Bar Mitzvah. I was nine and very proud. Thought my family must have been very important. Not!

    I think we’ve all had some version of your son’s problem. As harsh as the words were he has a supportive family and really that’s how you learn.

  • It is the hardest thing when you want to stand up for your kid and they want to handle it themselves. Been there sister. It doesn’t get easier, and there are a few times I still wish I had mailed the letter or made the phone call.

    Your son is lucky to have you as his mom, and I am sorry he had such a shit experience trying to earn a few bucks.

    Sometimes life just sucks.

    Sigh.

  • Oyyyyy! HUGE kudos to you for leaving him to sort it out. Well done on your restraint, because this kind of behaviour is SICKENING. I hope your son finds a far, far better job than he had before.

    (Pssst! I saw a smidgen of compassion, even)

  • This reminds me of a discussion I had with my mother when I was about your son’s age, in which she was trying to tell me that there were people like your son’s former bosses in the world that I would have to deal with. Completely missing her point, I told her “I know, Mom, but just because they’re assholes doesn’t mean I have to be one too.” She took a step back, looked me up and down, and said “Well, Doug, while I admire your position, I feel I should warn you that it is one tough row to hoe.” Her words ring in my ears to this day.

  • I fucking love it Michelle! I am so totally keeping this in mind for when my kids get their first job and some douche bag does the same to them. I can’t stand business owners and managers like that – burns my ass. Good for you, and good for your son for taking the high road. Had that been one of my kids they probably would have torched the place.

  • Oh yeah I am so with you, this mum has felt like writing such a letter to those who have treated her child in an appalling manner but I didn’t because my child like your child told me not to do so.

  • Your son did the right thing, and from this account showed more maturity than any of the other players. He’s learned some valuable lessons from this, I’d say, such as the importance of refusing to accept negative environments and the abuse of negative people, that sometimes even the truth can’t persuade asshats. These people provided a great example of how *not* to be a decent grown-up.

    (found a little typo below, fyi.

    “You proceeded to text him that your had nephew died and that you couldn’t be with your family because you had to cover his shift.”)

  • Your son will do well in “the real word”, whatever the hell that is. He’s already learned a valuable lesson. Even in a few years when he’s dependent on a job to keep a roof over his head and food in his stomach there’s no reason to put up with having his integrity questioned by someone who doesn’t know the meaning of the word. Employers will depend on him as much as he depends on a paycheck, so there should be mutual respect.

    And if that manager felt it was more important to keep his store open than be with his family then his priorities are fucked. He should be taking “real world” lessons from your son rather than trying to give them.

    • I just realized I should have addressed that comment directly to your son. You’d be welcome to read it too, of course. I just wish I’d phrased it differently. So here’s something directly to him:

      Hi. On my seventeenth birthday an older friend told me, “Seventeen will be a great year, but eighteen will suck.” And damned if he wasn’t right. The year I was seventeen was great. My eighteenth year was one of the worst of my life. That had nothing to do with what my friend said, though. Looking back I realize I was responsible for most of my misery. I could have been a lot happier if I’d chosen to be. Terrible things that are beyond our control will happen. That’s life. How we respond can often mean the difference between being bogged down and actually improving our lives. Maybe you already know this. If so I hope you choose to make your seventeenth year fantastic, and your eighteenth year even better.

  • I think, if I were your son, I would have quit that job with no notice also. If he had given notice and then continued to go to work for two weeks, what would he have had to put up with? I highly doubt anyone in the manager’s family died. If someone in your family died, would you really make it a priority to keep your yogurt shop open at all costs???
    I hope your son finds a much better job, with people who can be role models to him, instead of people who become abusive when he makes any sort of mistake!

  • Heaven help me when my kids are old enough to get a job. I have enough trouble showing restraint with their schools and the ridiculous way things are handled. My very first job was a horrible experience. I was sexually and verbally harassed. I hated it. Hopefully my boys will have better experiences.

  • This was delicious, please find a way to get to Caligula a Driscilla….people have no idea what a travesty it is to be disrespectful. They are miserable folks…

  • Oh, MAN! I would’ve wished for in-person confrontation, too. This is so much more eloquent, yet would also scare off some of his customers if you maybe plastered it all over his shop’s windows… I’m not saying you SHOULD, just that it would most likely be really fucking awesome. 😉

  • I don’t think he should feel the least bit bad about not giving notice. It used to be customary for employers to give 2-4 weeks notice or pay in lieu of notice when you were fired (and yes, I mean fired not laid off). Business expect the same loyalties from their employees as if it were still the 1950’s when an employee could expect to keep a job as long as they did a good job, along with decent hours, livable pay and a pension. Companies continue to chip away at their obligations to their employees in the name of “good business,” but they expect employees to offer the same loyalty. If the boy had been fired, he would have been booted that moment. If an employer showed me common courtesy – I would return the favor, out of personal loyalty, not some outdated standard that puts more burden on the employee than the employer. And this business obviously did not act in a way that merited any consideration. And where are they located cause auntie wants to knock some heads together.

  • I detest confrontation, but I am passive-aggressive enough that I may have obtained a bunch of rat poo from the pet store, paid a late night visit to the shop, then made an anonymous call to the health inspector. Or yelped about how terrible the place is. Both, maybe. Seriously, what a horrible person.

  • Oh my god. The restraint you have is incredible. I don’t look forward to having to bite my tongue when I have kids someday. It will probably be the hardest thing I’ll have to do in my life.

  • “Fuck you. Fuck your horse. I hope your yogurt goes bad.” Could be the best 3 sentences ever written – just discovered your blog through huff post – can see I’m going to spend my morning here!

    • Yeah, if there ever is a next time, I would make it happen. I was completely livid. I wanted to hit him. Even though I think emotional damage does so much more harm…I REALLY wanted to hit his stupid face.

By Michelle

Michelle

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