I spent over 48 hours at the beginning of last week dealing with cycling panic attacks.
That’s a new one.
I’ve had plenty of panic attacks, but they never last for more than 30 minutes and then there are months or sometimes years in between.
I’ve been okay for the past few days, but I know me. I am super fragile right now. I’m one upsetting problem at work away from breaking down.
I mean, I won’t. I just feel like I might.
Today is Sunday, and we met my sisters and niece to celebrate my baby sister’s birthday.
She wanted to go to the Krohn Conservatory.
I’ve been going to the Krohn Conservatory my entire life. This is one of my most favorite places on the planet. I can’t imagine feeling anything but calm when I visit. Unless, it’s during the butterfly show. For all that is holy, so many people go to the butterfly show.
I don’t care how perfect a place is, if I have to share it with shoulder to shoulder people, I’m gonna be anxious.
But I digress.
Randy and I got there a bit before my sisters and we walked around. I came to this cave and walked through. I considered how, over 50 years ago, four year old me walked through the same cave.
I turned the corner at the end of the cave and remembered what I should see.
That monkey has been sitting there since my mom was a kid.
They had a wonderful exhibit throughout the whole place.
One room was for fairy tales, a dragon was there.
And a burned out mansion. I don’t know what fairy tale that was from, but it was pretty fucking cool.
There were replicas of Cincinnati landmarks.
We live just a few miles from Union terminal. which is now a museum.
I needed this.
I needed calm.
I needed my family.
I needed beauty.
Here’s to hoping next week is free of days where I am convinced I am actively dying.
Here’s to remembering that there is a world at our fingertips, where we can escape for a while and feel better.
Here’s to everyone feeling better.