You don’t want to be in your cubicle, but you have to be in your cubicle.
If you’re going to continue rotting away at a job you hate, you might as well make your space a reflection of who you are. Or at least who you’ve become since you’ve worked at this soul sucking job.
1. Make multiple copies of Beatrix Kiddo’s ‘Death List 5’ and display them one at a time with different names crossed out. If anyone asks you who Elle Driver is, whistle that tune Elle was whistling when she was going to kill Beatrix. If you don’t get these references, Go watch Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2.
2. Remember when it was cool to have beaded curtains instead of doors? Yeah, make a curtain out of those cheap plastic shot glasses you get at the party supply store, or champagne glasses if you want to get all fancy. This can also come in handy if people around you are making noise you don’t like. Just direct a fan at your shot glass curtain and turn it into wind chimes. That might help drown out your ukulele playing coworker.
I’m not even kidding. There’s a guy here who plays his ukulele all the time.
3. Keep a few ‘days since’ tallies. For example
27 0 days since I last thought about spitting on a coworker. Or 49 have passed since faking an illness to use a sick day.
4. Draw a chalk outline just behind your chair. If anyone questions you about it, just growl at them until they stop asking.
5. Other people’s pictures. Why spend money on expensive frames when so many people already have them at their desks? Gather up a dozen or so and brighten up your space with other people’s attractive families! If you are confronted about your thievery, pretend like you don’t know how they got there and give them back. Then go get them again when no one is watching. It will turn into a fun game for the whole office!
Or you could decorate like I do. Outdated kid pictures and an unopened roll of paper towels.
As far as becoming a movie star? This blog post isn’t going to make you a movie star! Get your head out of the clouds and get back to work!