Petty AF

You know what a pet peeve of mine is? The phrase “pet peeve”. It’s stupid.

So, I should be finishing painting the family room stairwell, but I feel like I’ve been painting longer than my second marriage lasted.

I hate painting. It is tedious and I’m not good at painting. Plus, I am covering up all my wonderfully bold and bright colored walls with this putty color that looks like a filing cabinet. One of those metal office filing cabinets. From what I’m reading, filing cabinet blah is the color to paint your house when you want to sell.

Anyway, I took the night off because my shoulders hurt and I have to do a scary bit at the edge of some stairs. Since I am me, this is a terribly risky job. Instead, I’ve been watching Comedy Bang Bang, Parks and Rec, and some movie about Nazis on the moon. Randy is weird.


I went downstairs for some water to get away from the annoying Nazi movie. There were some coupons on the table and one of them was 55 cents off a Red Bull drink.ย  I thought,ย well, that’s annoying. Why does the coupon say “drink”? We all know Red Bulls are fucking drinks. Unless, it’s an actual bull that is red. If that were the case, then, there wouldn’t be a 55 five cent coupon at Meijer’s for it.ย 

Why did that get on my nerves? That’s a little petty, isn’t it? Petty as fuck.

Oh well.

Hamburger Meat

You know what else gets on my nerves? When people say “hamburger meat”.

Why say the “meat” part?

There is already a word that describes that kind of meat. The word is “hamburger”.

Saying “hamburger meat” would be the same as saying “bacon meat”. Bacon is meat, but we don’t have to say the meat part because bacon is goddamn bacon.

In all fairness, that one might get on my nerves because my first husband called “hamburger”, “hamburger meat”. ย Still, it sounds redundant to add the “meat” part to hamburger.


I am also not a fan of the word “beverage”. Beverage, along with pet peeve, falls into the “stupid word or phrase” category.

Beverage doesn’t sound pleasing, isn’t pleasant to say and it’s annoying. If a stranger came to my door and said, “I am parched, could I trouble you for a beverage?” I would make them drink out of the hose. Which is probably what I would do anyway because I’m not friendly enough to invite strangers into my house. I guess I could say I’m cautious rather than unfriendly. Although the truth probably lies somewhere in between.

Okay, that was fun. A nice petty rant was just what I needed to take my mind off the fact that we’re on the goddamn brink of war. Also, the rant felt better than painting.

How about you? Is there a word or phrase that annoys you? Come over here and be petty as fuck with me.

Photo courtesy of Kartynas.



Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Corinne says:

    P.J. gets irritated with atm machine. It is redundant to say machine at the end of an acronym that stands for Automated Teller Machine. I personally don’t like the word moist and tits. God help us if you have “moist tits” because I’m out.

    • Michelle says:

      OMG your brother said the SAME THING about ATMs yesterday. I don’t mind moist. How else are we supposed to compliment cakes? I don’t like the word tits either. I think it’s crass. I still say it though. I don’t think I’ve ever said moist tits. Until now.

  2. Becky says:

    Moist. I hate that word. I also hate panties. What are we, three? My boyfriend says febrile instead of running a temp, or has a fever and I just want to punch him in his pretentious face.
    You’re right, being petty af does feel pretty good!! Have a great weekend.

    • Michelle says:

      Hahaha! I don’t mind panties or moist, but in addition to beverage, I dislike the word “packet”. No idea why.

    • Michelle says:

      Hahahah..and I just used the words “moist” and “panties” in the same sentence.

      • Lisa K says:

        I tell my boys to ‘Pull up your panties!’
        Now I say it to my grandson and his Daddy gets that weird look on his face… he knows better.

        But, the worst trouble I got in was when I called my granddaughter’s binky her ‘suck toy.’
        (credit – Jim Henson’s ‘Dinosaurs’)
        I didn’t get in trouble til SHE said it… at the OTHER Gramma’s

    • Laura says:

      I say febrile. I can’t help it. I was a nurse too long. Unless I say really hot. If I say that kid is really hot, it means beyond febrile. It does not mean their pants look good.

  3. Heather says:

    The “P” word referring to vagina. It doesn’t just irritate me. It smashes my murder button. I also can’t stand words like “supposably” and “irregardless.” Seriously? Fuck off with that nonsense.
    But what really pisses me off the most lately is when you explain something to someone and provide actual historical truth from multiple sources and they still screech “NUH UH!” and try to explain why the actual facts and history are incorrect in their summation. Are you fucking kidding me?
    Another thing that really gets my goat is not being legally allowed to punch assholes in the throat.

    • Michelle says:

      If someone uses the “p” word in regards to my vagina, then I don’t like it. But I do call people pussies. The word titties bothers me more than pussy. And yes, talking with people who value their opinion over fact are annoying as fuck.

  4. JL Kato says:

    I hate the phrases “hollow inside”and “NFL football.”

    I also hate how auto-tuning has become an acquired, acceptable taste in pop music. It’s like how people say sardines don’t taste right without the tinny taste.

    I hate how sports broadcasters say a basketball player shoots in the 90th percentile.

    I hate how movie theaters do not tell you when a movie actually begins. Instead, you have to figure out you have 10, 15, or 20 minutes of trailers before you’re late to arrive at the theater.

    I hate how TV stations spend seven minutes teasing you about for a 30-second news report.

    • Michelle says:

      I’m with you up to the trailers. I LOVE movie trailers. I could watch a whole movie that was nothing but movie trailers. Haha. No one in my family watches sports, so I don’t have issues there. My dad watches golf though. I can’t imagine anything more boring than that.

      I am glad you got that off your chest! My plan is to get the venting over with and then spend the weekend as calm as possible. I just have to steer clear of the news. Just for a few days.

  5. KK says:

    I have a list because I’m turning into a grumpy old woman. These are just some of the things that irritate me –
    1. The made up word Belieber
    2. People who don’t know the difference between your, you’re and yore, there, they’re and their.
    3. People who spell tomatoes as tomato’s, potatoes as potato’s, and any other pluralised word with an apostrophe where there shouldn’t be one. I even saw a shop last month with a professional sign painted as Bed’s and Bath’s. Aaaaaargh!
    4. The recent trend to say I could care less when they mean they couldn’t, using of instead of have and a zillion more.
    5. Yo fam (because why the hell would anyone introduce themselves to me like that)
    6. Sum beatz. ( No I don’t want to buy any).

    I’ll leave it there before I put my own blood pressure up ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Beth says:

    I rarely use the C word…unless it it earned. I currently have someone in my life that I refer to as Super Cunt when speaking to anyone else but her, believe me- other names wouldn’t cut it.

    But my first thought when I read the title was
    being Petty AF is making dog food patties for the asshole who drags you to a softball tournament for the weekend and barks orders the entire time. Not hamburgers…lol

    • Michelle says:

      I am a fan of the word “cunt” because people freak out so much over it. I also had to explain to a friend that the term “dippy cunt” is a term of endearment. But a stupid cunt is just a stupid cunt.

  7. Steph says:

    Dirty fingernails. Clip them or clean them, I don’t care. I’ll only forgive someone for this is they are a mechanic or just came from work, etc.

    My inability to enjoy a potluck. Why can I eat food prepared by strangers in a restaurant, but not strangers at a party?

    Waking up. Being awake is fine. Enjoyable, even, to get up before everyone else and have coffee quietly. But the actual opening my eyes, getting out of bed? I toss and turn and curse and moan.

    My son in a grocery store. Tossing watermelons up like footballs. Touching all the fruit. Riding carts like an animal. He’s 15, so I guess he IS actually an animal.

    Condescending doctors.

    When the electricity goes out and everyone panics and hunts me down to fix the wifi. Which just happened.

    Love you!

  8. Paula says:

    I hate the “c” word. I have been told I have a filthy mouth but that is not one I say. I have a problem with why we have quit using real words. FFS is my son’s favorite to post on FB. See, there I go. I have to look the majority of them up. Thank goodness for Urban Dictionary. I am old, I don’t remember what all of them mean.

    Oh and hamburger meat, I get that because hamburger is just that, a prepared hamburger with buns and whatever. Hamburger meat might be used for something besides a hamburger, meat loaf, meat balls, ect.

  9. Renee says:

    Hamburger meat! LOL…I have heard this so many times…I hate it… Good one michelle!

  10. susan acevedo says:

    I hate people using literally, when they mean figuratively. It literally makes my brain explode (see what I did there?) Ha

  11. Lisa K says:

    Um… well fuck. It’s not EVEN that late and EVERYBODY is gathered ๐Ÿ™‚

    Good Morning!!

    OK. I admit. I LOVE to steal cute phrases and twist words and un-gender reassign them.

    Since I started hanging out here, I’ve noticed my ‘peeves’ aren’t ‘pets.’ The things that used to annoy me, just aren’t that annoying anymore.

    Michelle? Ladies? Gentlemen?
    You’ve given me a whole new world of delightful things to be peevish and petty about – and today, I thank you….

  12. When people use “impact” as a verb, as in “How will this impact us?” Or when people add “-ize” to words that don’t need it, like when they say stupid shit like, “We need to incentivize our customers so we can actualize our year-end goals.”
    Talking like that doesn’t make a person sound smart. It makes them sound like an asshole who’s trying to sound smart and I want to go completely Ron Swanson on them.

    • Michelle says:

      HAHAHA..someone on Twitter JUST said something about impact being used to mean something other than a forceful hit. And I agree about the “ize” bullshit. We need more Ron Swansons.

    • Donna says:

      THIS!!! YES! Someone misuses the language in such an unfunny way and they are OFF my party list.

    • My husband calls Ron Swanson his “spirit animal.” We were at a restaurant last week and were asked if we wanted “a protein” on our salad. I’m guessing it’s so they don’t have to list all of the options (which include tofu), but it sounds pretentious as hell. Also, I’m not a fan of “butt hurt” because, in my mind, it accompanies “ass-raped” which doesn’t have the same, light connotation.

    • Kat says:

      This is one annoys me immensely! My husband uses “impact” as a verb frequently. As someone with four post-secondary degrees, he should know better. He does at least ask me to edit his writing before submitting a final. His spelling and grammar are also lacking.
      I’d also like to correct the (online) dictionary, as I looked up “impact” just the other day. It gave one definition as the offending verb. Its definition doesn’t *affect* me and I won’t use it as a verb.

  13. Arionis says:

    If you ever invite me over for a BBQ I’ll be sure not to bring “hamburger meat” patties. But can I please have a beer instead of a drink from the hose?

  14. Barbara says:

    I think ‘ground beef’ or ‘ground meat’ says it all. I suggest Grammarly to a lot of people. Most of them who need it don’t ‘get it’, but I feel like I’ve done all I can to help them.

  15. Val says:

    Well I can tell ya “cunt” in the U.K. is practically a term of endearment, almost the equivalent of “dude” over here..
    But I’m sorry, “hamburger meat” is referred to quite often in this household since not just hamburgers can be made out of it: do y’all want tacos, stroganoff, or spaghetti?
    (And earlier, I typed my own rant about an idiot on my endurance group’s FB page but obviously the iPad didn’t like it, it burped & lost it so I’ll shut da fuck up – but what IS it with people who feel obliged to insert their opinion MULTIPLE times into a conversation which they know NOTHING about??!!?? Is it just a compulsion to speak into the wind tunnel?)

  16. Janey says:

    “Tartar” as in tartar sauce or tartar on teeth. It weirds me out, always has. But I must defend the word beverage. My friend will ask if Im available to get an “adult beverage”. I reply, “YES!!!!” It saves asking do you want to meet for a margarita? Not really. Oh. Well, would you want to meet for wine? Eh. Well, what about…? Adult beverage encompasses all. It is a great word that cuts to the chase. Kind of like in the NorthEast where people order their coffee “regular” so they don’t have
    to waste their time or breath asking for cream and sugar We are all about efficiency.

  17. BarbaraM says:

    I twitch when I hear hot water heater. It’s a water heater – the hot is understood. Unfortunately, I’ve caught myself saying it and each time, I can’t believe I did, but it’s too late – it’s out there. And I can’t let it go, but the phrase “no problem” instead of saying you’re welcome will follow me forever.
    How’s Dude (and the kitties)?

    • Michelle says:

      I say “no problem” all the time…but I get that other people don’t like it. It’s a habit. sigh.

      Dude is stuffed and smiley, the kitties are good. Alfie is still super picky and hates even the slightest change and shows it by shitting on things, but he’s adorable, so there’s that.

  18. shelley says:

    My pet peeve (sorry!) is people who see the signs on the highway telling them they’re going to lose their lane and they STILL wait till the last minute and expect you to let them cut in front of you (when YOU moved on over like the good little rule follower you are). That drives me crazy and brings out my inner nastiness because I try like the devil to not let those line-cutters get in front of me. Whew! I feel better for getting that off my chest.

  19. The “tuna fish” thing bugs me, but it’s not a deal breaker. Blatant mispronunciations are my big thing, actually. Like, I’ll allow for some regional stuff (people from Michigan say “crayon” funny) but et cetera/exetra, library/lieberry, supposedly/supposably, espresso/expresso… that sort of thing sets my teeth on edge; I know it’s small enough that I shouldn’t (and usually don’t) correct, because I still understood what the person meant, but…

    I do try to slip the correct pronunciation into the conversation later. Because I have a problem

    • Michelle says:

      HAHAHA…I got super mad at a boss once who was really unjustifiably harsh to me and I responded with “You know..irregardless is not a word and you use it all the time.”

  20. Lizzie says:

    Words I don’t like:


  21. I agree with many of these. I don’t know why we must paint our walls to look like the inside of a paper bag to sell, but it seems we must. Funny as always, Michelle.

  22. Oh, God, let’s talking about MEAT and the stupid ways people use it in sentences. My ex is a butcher, and one of the things that he complains about is people who come in asking for “ground meat, for burgers.” Not terribly specific, is it?

    Now, you might be thinking, “Well, obviously, they want ground beef. Now you’re just being pedantic.”

    No. No, I am not.

    A typical conversation is as follows:
    Customer: I need some meat.
    Ex-BF, standing behind a counter display full of meats: Okay, we have that. What kind of meat.
    C: Ground meat.
    XBF: …okay, what kind of meat?
    C: Ground meat, for burgers.
    XBF: …okaaaaay… so, do you want beef?
    C: No, I’m making turkey burgers.

    Based on his experiences in the meat department, I’m 100% sure people get dumber the closer they are to buying meat, so maybe the vegans are onto something. But probably not, because bacon is delicious.

  23. Doug in Oakland says:

    Let’s see, they don’t really bug me that much, but VIN number and PIN number are both redundant, since the “N” stands for “number”…
    Sort of reminds me of George Carlin and his rant about language where he says “pre” bothers him, and “situation” is unnecessary (because everything is a situation) so he replies with “pre suck my genital situation”…
    OK, what really, truly, bothers me? “Fake news.”
    The fucking Daily Show was fake news, remember? Propaganda isn’t fucking news. and when you don’t like something you can’t make it go away by calling it fake.

  24. catsmeow says:

    Allow me to get seriously petty, here. Thank you.
    “Pre-boarding”. Excuse me, but you are either boarding or you haven’t boarded. You can’t “pre-board” a plane. Pre-heating is actually the same thing… once you turn the knob, the oven is heating. Before you turn the knob, you are in a pre-heating stage. I am getting pre-heated just thinking about this.
    I often say, at random, that I am pre-boarding a plane. I can be in my kitchen with no plans to fly anywhere for weeks, but I will mention that I’m pre-boarded. I haven’t boarded yet, so hey, I’m pre-boarded.
    Yes, writing it down, I can see it is every bit as petty as I suspected.

  25. catsmeow says:

    There you go… Doug AND George Carlin got there before me.

  26. Spiked Lee says:

    [I have seen “Iron Sky” (the nazis on the moon movie.) The hubs I loves it. He wants to watch the sequel, but not so much that he has actually found the sequel.
    [I also am unable to enjoy potlucks. I don’t trust other people to wash their hands before they cook, but I think that restaurants follow rules. I usually eat before a potluck, and exist on my food and crackers.]
    Biggest peeve:
    Apostrophes in the wrong place. โ€œItโ€™sโ€ instead of โ€œIts.โ€ “Your” v. “You’re.” Possessives instead of conjunctions and vice-versa.
    I’d like to get out my cranky typographer hat and go on for a while about fonts v. typefaces and leading v. kerning, but really, I’ve lost that battle.

    • Michelle says:

      I misuse words and punctuation all the time..not because I don’t know better, but because sometimes my fingers and my brain are not in agreement over what should be typed. And I suck at editing. Haha.

      Iron Sky. That’s the one. damn.

      • emelle says:

        … but you’re not INTENTIONALLY misusing the words or punctuation… it’s just typos that get missed. (I JUST posted my grammar peeve, and saw that you had commented on this one. I’m not mad at YOU.)

  27. emelle says:

    I often find myself peevish, but don’t you fucking dare PET me! Is that petty? How do you feel about “peeve”, minus the pet?

    So… useless words. I’m with ya. Red Bull DRINK, hamburger MEAT (seriously, if you’re using ground beef for something OTHER than hamburgers, then it’s NOT HAMBURGER MEAT, it’s GROUND BEEF), ATM MACHINE, VIN NUMBER, PIN NUMBER, etc.

    Have to agree with the person who defended “beverage” when paired with “adult”. Yes. (And I went back to look for that comment, just now, scrolling UP and DOWN, and cannot find that one to credit appropriately).

    My peeves are usually grammar-related, so all of the misspellings, mispronounced, and misused words just Piss Me Off. Especially if the misuser DEFENDS his/her position “un-HUH, ‘irregardless’ is SO a word, because the Urban Dictionary says so”… OH MY GAWD, WHERE’S MY SHANK SO I CAN STAB YOU NOW?!?!?!?!

  28. Mary-Anne says:

    My pet peeve is when people use the word juicy to describe anything other than a piece of fruit.

    I really hate it when they describe feelings or activities as juicy. It gives me the creeps.

    I also get peeved when punctuation is used incorrectly or not at all!!!!

    And don’t get me started on people who insist on using multiple exclamation marks!!!!!!

  29. Laura says:

    I actually love disgruntled. But I hate that we can’t be gruntled. I picture gruntled as how you feel when you are five, and you have a play house made of a card table and a sheet. You have all the cheese and no one has noticed, and a lot of pillows. There is coloring, your mother is asleep, you have no chores and your brother is leaving you alone. That is gruntled. Why can’t we have this word??? Why?

  30. First of all, I hate the c-word. But I did recently get a suspension from the Twitter for calling Piers Morgan that very thing. WORTH IT.

    Other hated words: Aspirational, fomate, and anyone who is not Australian saying “g’day.” I have a co-worker who ends phone conversations with “g’day”, and it makes me want to slap his head every time I hear it.

  31. Diane says:

    Acronyms-they drive me nuts!

  32. Rena says:

    I hate the word pussy and boobs. I also hate the words “alternative facts” but mostly I hate the words Donald Trump. I do like the word nuts as in get off of mine. I like dick…the word not the actual one…okay maybe ONCE in awhile…unless I can get out of it! (Sorry menupausal rant included at no extra charge!)

  33. Shani says:

    Gal. I don’t know why but I hate the word gal. But I am not bothered by chick. I think because of my love for cheesy 70s stuff and it fits with the word groovy. Gal though makes me cringe. I’d accept girl rather than gal because at least girl is a real word.
    Any word with “ed” on the end where it shouldn’t be pronounced but some people do anyway-usually with a d thrown in for good measure. I like-ded him. Unless you’re just learning to speak English where the hell is that coming from?
    Asked pronounced axed. If you axed me for a date hopefully you are going to jail.
    Library pronounced libary. What the hell is a libary?
    Plus size. That model is a plus size model. She wears an 8. When the hell did 8 become plus size?
    Those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

    • Michelle says:

      I am also not fond of gal. I don’t use that word or say that word and it annoys me when I hear it. Hahahah..and fuck plus size. I hate that term.

  34. makemineachardonnay says:

    I moved from Oregon to South Carolina, and I had never heard these phrases before. In addition to hamburger meat, they also say ink pen, cold beer (as if you’d want a warm one) and what the world. Frankly the English language is pretty much butchered. On a true petty party moment, I despise the word hack, as in some brilliant solution to a task, epic, because not everything can be epic, and fleek, because it just sounds stupid.

    • Michelle says:

      I went to high school in Dry Ridge, KY after living in the Cincinnati area. The phrase I couldn’t get used to was “It don’t make no never mind to me”.

  35. Najia says:

    Redundancies get to me: ‘testified under oath’ (is there any other way to testify?), ‘whether or not’ (or not or not), ‘it is 2 am in the morning’ (as opposed to the other 2 am)
    The ubiquitous confusion of possessive and plural tenses, incorrect contractions, and misuse of words – family’s for multiple families, your for you’re, there for their, that instead of who (e.g. ‘people that can not speak well’)
    Most of all any racist-sexist-xenophobic terms make my blood pressure go up. I see a person’s misuse of the language as stupid, lazy, or a silly attempt to be ‘cool’. When hateful language is used even casually, I feel the person is at best callous and disrespectful.