Getting old isn’t for pussies.
I mean, I’m not complaining. I’m glad to still be here. I’d like to stay a while longer.
As much as I adore the changes in my brain as I get older, I am less enamored with the physical changes.
For instance, as I write this, I feel like I have a knife in my right shoulder blade right next to my spine. This happens when I stand in the kitchen and cook. Or just stand.
Another thing that happened, is one of my teeth went all wonky.
It’s not a main tooth. Not one most people would see, but it’s not all the way in the back, either.
About 7 years ago or so, one of my teeth grew tired of standing upright and started leaning over, like it wanted to rest on a neighbor.
Which makes me think of the time when I was very young, not even married once, and I rode the bus to work every morning. One morning, I sat next to a woman with the most comfortable looking arm on the planet. I drifted off on the bus most mornings, but there was only that one time when I woke up with my face snuggled up on a stranger’s arm. It was awkward. She was very kind.
But I digress.
So, I told my dentist about the tooth and he said it was age related and that I needed some procedure.
I don’t know what the procedure was, but I remember finding out it would cost $800 out of pocket. I decided if my tooth needed to rest, then my tooth needed to rest.
I did not realize part of getting older meant getting old lady snaggle teeth.
At least it’s just the one. It’s my batty Hatty tooth. Batty Hatty from Cincinnati was a puppet on a local TV show in the early 70s. I made Randy watch videos of her. He’s a patient man.
You can’t see my wonky tooth, but it is still a problem.
The problem is my lazy ass tooth created a gap. A large gap.
If I eat anything stringy at all, it gets stuck in my Hatty cavern which sounds way dirtier than I intended.
So, most meats, a lot of vegetables and some fruits. Ice cream and mashed potatoes are okay. Unless the mashed potatoes are lumpy, then maybe not.
Every night, after dinner, I have to dislodge a material percentage of my dinner from my tooth hole.
One silver lining, I suppose, is I just go ahead and finish flossing the rest of my teeth.
So, for the first time in my life, I am actually regularly flossing. So, bonus?
Anyway, I made a lovely chicken curry for dinner tonight. Chicken is one of the more stringy meats, so my tooth cavern was occupied.
I went into the bathroom and got one of the little floss pick things and with one little flick of the wrist, I catapulted a chunk of meat from my face to the mirror.
It stuck there.
I stood there for a moment, green pick stuck in between my teeth, staring at the impressively large piece of chicken on the mirror and thought “Well, that’s new.”
I guess in hindsight, I should have considered that shoring up procedure my dentist tried to get me to do.
On the other hand, it’s kind of fun to have a tooth named after a puppet witch from 1971.
Plus, it appears I have a new party trick! Yay! What a great ice breaker! “Wanna see me launch a side of beef from my face?”
Oh and HAHAHAAHA. Yeah, Randy isn’t all that patient.