Priscilla, Queen of the cubicle and I haven’t had as many conversations as we usually do. I think we’re both suffering from malaise brought on by heat and job dissatisfaction.
Well, that and I keep closing out my chat window without saving our conversations. It’s like throwing gold out the window.
Well, maybe those chocolate gold coins. But still..gold.
Me: I woke up this morning with the phrase ‘spongemom cowpants’ in my head.
Me: I wonder what I was dreaming about?
PQOTC: I’m afraid to know.
Me: Sally just sneezed and then blessed herself.
PQOTC: Woah woah woah…is that even allowed?
Me: It’s dumb. I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not a priest. I can’t just go around blessing people. We don’t bless people for coughs. Why are sneezes so special?
PQOTC: Fucking hell, it’s raining like a motherfucker.
Me: It’s probably because I didn’t bless Sally when she sneezed.
The following isn’t a work instant message conversation. This was instant message through Facebook early last Saturday morning.
Me: I’m sitting here with two sticks of butter under my thigh to soften it up for cookie batter.
PQOTC: I don’t even know what to say to that.
PQOTC: Maybe buy softer butter? Or, I dunno…use the microwave?
Me: It can’t be melted. Just softened.
Me: It worked like a charm. But my leg is all buttery.
PQOTC: Cooking is hard.
PQOTC: You’re like a mother hen. Except you have butter instead of chicklets.
Me: With my new method, I think I’m ready for the Food Network.
PQOTC: Move over Paula Deen
Me: STOP CALLING ME A RACIST.
PQOTC: What kind of cookies are you making?
Me: Chocolate chip and TARDIS sugar cookies.
PQOTC: You are such a dork.
The cookies turned out awesome and I am terribly impressed with my butter softening method. To anyone reading who might be eating cookies I made last night, I DID modify my method by putting the butter in a baggy before softening it up, so you can feel safe that you are eating cookies with zero thigh juice in them.
I really didn’t modify for sanitary reasons though, I did it so I could avoid the heartbreak of greasy leg.