I have worked through the outrage that I have felt over many things. Westboro Baptist church? Yes, they are enormous twat monsters who indulge in cruel, horrible, and ignorant practices. Am I still outraged? Nope. I don’t like their actions, but I have ceased to expend any of my emotional energy on these douche twizzles.
Not just them, I am finding it easier to not get my panties bunched up over the intolerant and ignorant shit people are willing to force out of their face holes. This doesn’t mean I accept their crap, it just means I am too tired to be upset all the goddamn time.
Then today, I read what Donald Trump said about John McCain not being a real war hero and I felt that old outrage waking up. Oh, hey…sounds like you need me.
I am sure John McCain doesn’t need me to come to his defense. I’m sure he’s suffered a lot worse than to have a blow hard like Donald Trump talk shit about him. You know, like being a prisoner of war for 5+ years.
It’s not even what he said. I find myself getting agitated over Trump’s assertion that he said nothing wrong and won’t retract his comment. Well, I guess it bugs me a little that not only does he want a job where he is the commander of the armed forces, he shows no respect for them. Also, there’s the fact that he has these opinions after serving zero minutes in the military.
This is how I know I still have a lot to work through when it comes to being the adult child of a narcissist.
I am infuriated when people won’t admit when they are wrong about something. If I have to deal with a person on a regular basis who can never be wrong, then I probably don’t like that person.
I’m no doctor. I have no basis for offering this opinion, other than being raised by narcissist and the fact that Donald Trump is a narcissist, but I think Donald Trump is a narcissist. I just can’t stand to read about him. I don’t want to know about the fucked up shit he says because his actions touch the injured part in me.
I don’t watch reality shows. I rarely watch news shows, but I would watch a reality show where Donald Trump gets on camera and admits to five occasions where he was wrong about something.
Of course that would never happen.
Narcissists are never wrong. Donald Trump would probably walk around with a stupid wig before admitting he has ever been wrong.
Then, I started thinking.
You know when we start talking shit about other people, even Donald Trump, it might be a good idea to consider how we live and how when we point our fingers at someone, we also have fingers pointing back at ourselves.
Here are five times I was wrong where I never admitted being wrong.
oh..umm…so. This is a little uncomfortable. But…here we go.
- When I was in high school, a boy I went to school with treated a friend poorly. They had sex and then he pretty much dumped her. I told someone that my friend got pregnant just so he would freak out. The rumor never got traced back to me, which is a miracle. I can’t begin to list the number of ways I was wrong on this one. I am pretty sure I have never told anyone this story.
- Once, I promised Middle Sister that I would take her to see Prince and then when I got tickets, I took my roommate instead. I was wrong. That was a shitty way to treat my sister.
- When I split with my first husband, I drank a lot of wine and told him all the reasons I was leaving him. I didn’t spare anything. I was cruel and it was not necessary. I was terribly wrong to treat another human that way.
- When I was a young teenager, I believed that gay people shouldn’t be allowed to teach school. I was ignorant and wrong.
- Once, in the early 80s, I had a job where I had to reconcile sales of stocks and bonds. I couldn’t reconcile this one bond trade, so I put the confirmation they sent me in a drawer and when the issue came up, I swore I never got the confirmation.
Okay, that last thing? It all got worked out, so no need to get the SEC involved or anything. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time and I wondered why in the fuck I didn’t just DEAL with the issue? I mean, it was a few phone calls. Then I remembered that I was around 22 years old at the time and my social anxiety was barely manageable. Making phone calls was painful. Calling trading departments in New York city was intolerable. When I was faced with abruptness of traders in NYC, my Midwest upbringing and social anxiety would nearly choke me. This is not me making an excuse for my wrongness, this is me constantly gaining understanding for my behavior, sometimes years after the fact. Still. It was shitty of me to not just deal with the issue rather than hide it and lie about it.
Okay, that was just five. I’m sure there are dozens more, but I don’t want to get all masochistic with this. I just thought if I call someone out of their bullshit behavior then I want to be the kind of person who will own up to my own bullshit behavior as well.