Well, He Is Just A Precious Narcissist, Isn’t He?

I have worked through the outrage that I have felt over many things. Westboro Baptist church? Yes, they are enormous twat monsters who indulge in cruel, horrible, and ignorant practices. Am I still outraged? Nope. I don’t like their actions, but I have ceased to expend any of my emotional energy on these douche twizzles.

Not just them, I am finding it easier to not get my panties bunched up over the intolerant and ignorant shit people are willing to force out of their face holes. This doesn’t mean I accept their crap, it just means I am too tired to be upset all the goddamn time.

Then today, I read what Donald Trump said about John McCain not being a real war hero and I felt that old outrage waking up. Oh, hey…sounds like you need me. 

I am sure John McCain doesn’t need me to come to his defense. I’m sure he’s suffered a lot worse than to have a blow hard like Donald Trump talk shit about him. You know, like being a prisoner of war for 5+ years.

It’s not even what he said. I find myself getting agitated over Trump’s assertion that he said nothing wrong and won’t retract his comment. Well, I guess it bugs me a little that not only does he want a job where he is the commander of the armed forces, he shows no respect for them. Also, there’s the fact that he has these opinions after serving zero minutes in the military.

This is how I know I still have a lot to work through when it comes to being the adult child of a narcissist.

I am infuriated when people won’t admit when they are wrong about something. If I have to deal with a person on a regular basis who can never be wrong, then I probably don’t like that person.

I’m no doctor. I have no basis for offering this opinion, other than being raised by narcissist and the fact that Donald Trump is a narcissist, but I think Donald Trump is a narcissist. I just can’t stand to read about him. I don’t want to know about the fucked up shit he says because his actions touch the injured part in me.

I don’t watch reality shows. I rarely watch news shows, but I would watch a reality show where Donald Trump gets on camera and admits to five occasions where he was wrong about something.

Of course that would never happen.

Narcissists are never wrong. Donald Trump would probably walk around with a stupid wig before admitting he has ever been wrong.

Then, I started thinking.

You know when we start talking shit about other people, even Donald Trump, it might be a good idea to consider how we live and how when we point our fingers at someone, we also have fingers pointing back at ourselves.

Here are five times I was wrong where I never admitted being wrong.

oh..umm…so. This is a little uncomfortable. But…here we go. 

  • When I was in high school, a boy I went to school with treated a friend poorly. They had sex and then he pretty much dumped her. I told someone that my friend got pregnant just so he would freak out. The rumor never got traced back to me, which is a miracle. I can’t begin to list the number of ways I was wrong on this one. I am pretty sure I have never told anyone this story.
  • Once, I promised Middle Sister that I would take her to see Prince and then when I got tickets, I took my roommate instead. I was wrong. That was a shitty way to treat my sister.
  • When I split with my first husband, I drank a lot of wine and told him all the reasons I was leaving him. I didn’t spare anything. I was cruel and it was not necessary. I was terribly wrong to treat another human that way.
  • When I was a young teenager, I believed that gay people shouldn’t be allowed to teach school. I was ignorant and wrong.
  • Once, in the early 80s, I had a job where I had to reconcile sales of stocks and bonds. I couldn’t reconcile this one bond trade, so I put the confirmation they sent me in a drawer and when the issue came up, I swore I never got the confirmation.

Okay, that last thing? It all got worked out, so no need to get the SEC involved or anything. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time and I wondered why in the fuck I didn’t just DEAL with the issue? I mean, it was a few phone calls. Then I remembered that I was around 22 years old at the time and my social anxiety was barely manageable. Making phone calls was painful. Calling trading departments in New York city was intolerable. When I was faced with abruptness of traders in NYC, my Midwest upbringing and social anxiety would nearly choke me. This is not me making an excuse for my wrongness, this is me constantly gaining understanding for my behavior, sometimes years after the fact. Still. It was shitty of me to not just deal with the issue rather than hide it and lie about it. 

Okay, that was just five. I’m sure there are dozens more, but I don’t want to get all masochistic with this. I just thought if I call someone out of their bullshit behavior then I want to be the kind of person who will own up to my own bullshit behavior as well.

 

 

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  • Oh the shitty people we are in our twenties! We all have crap stuffed in our drawer instead of dealing with it. Figuratively and literally. Thanks for sharing and we still love you. Donald Trump, not so much. What an ass!

  • I think brazening out your wrongness has been ignorantly elevated to a virtue. “No regrets! I’d do it all again!” Very easy to say when you are the one clomping through people’s lives in your pointy-toed jerk shoes.

    I love your list of regrets. It wasn’t the least bit self serving or passive-aggressive. You owned it. Much respect.

    • Thank you, Anne! Yeah..I don’t get the ‘no regrets’ thing. If you’ve hurt someone, at least acknowledging it and admitting you were wrong is the least you should do.

  • I feel better after reading your post, too. Thank you for the proxy vent. Trump is such a dick. Every time I see and hear about him leading in the polls, I can’t help but wonder how anyone could trust the judgment of a man who thinks that hair looks good.

    • I just don’t get it. He’s psychotic, entitled and douchebag who doesn’t care about ANYONE but himself. Or at least that is how I see him.

  • Great post – you demonstrate the power of being vulnerable all the damn time. Trump is my biggest weakness – I get agitated just thinking about him. Great reminder that I’d be better served by reflecting on my own past shitty behavior.

  • I could list five times I did the “stick it in the drawer” trick alone. I’ve done that shit, literally and figuratively, my entire life. I’ve finally (mostly) stopped. These days, I’ll even ‘fess up when I’ve eaten Precocious Daughter’s entire bag of Salsa Verde Doritos. Personal growth, baby.

    • It’s all about the forward motion. I still have a long way to go..but I am being more kind to myself along the way. Except for when I’m not.

  • I was just thinking about how we’re all assholes when we’re teenagers, but then I had to revise that because I have no right to think anyone else was an asshole when they were a teenager. If I knew we were all assholes that wouldn’t make me feel better either. It would make me feel worse for knowing I’d added flavoring to the asshole stew.

    But hearing you admit to the times you’d wronged others is strangely comforting because, for one thing, you’re setting an example. By coming clean about parts of your past you’re, hopefully, going to make others think about their pasts and even if the past can’t be fixed the future can still be better. And in your last example–the bond confirmation thingy–there were extenuating circumstances. And no one else got hurt. It’s good that you shared it because it gives others a chance to say, hey, quit beating yourself up about that, and we can hope that by offering a little good to you we’re balancing the karmic scales.

    And more importantly you’ve shared the expression “douche twizzle”. I hope you realize what a wonderful gift that is.

  • Let’s face it, we were all assholes when we were young, As for the Donald, let’s sing him a hymn. HIM, HIM, FUCK HIM. I was in the Army for seven years and if that dick thinks he could get through basic training, I would sing him another.

  • The hugely important difference is that you feel remorse for the behavior you’re not proud of. I’m betting it’s safe to say that he’s done much worse than what we know about, and has rarely reflected on and/or apologized for any of it. Great post, you brave and thoughtful girl, you!

  • You didn’t take your sister to the Prince concert? Has she forgiven you? I am a forgiving person but I’m not sure I could get past that one. 🙂 Was it good? The concert, I mean. I always wanted to see him back in the day. Don’t know if I would now, but if he was gonna go all Purple Rain and Little Red Corvette I would be all over that like Little Nikki…

    • It was the purple rain tour..and she did get to see him at a later date..so at least she didn’t miss out.

      Also..one of the best concerts ever and I’ve gone to many concerts

  • What always astounds me is how someone like Donald Trump can be so “popular” while, at the same time, people are complaining these days about the bullying of children. Trump is just a bully with money and an over-sized ego—yes, a narcissist. Unfortunately, when you have that much money, you can play with this country as if it’s your very own set of Legos. How about those five deferrals from the draft you received, Trump? My husband actually had to go over and SERVE in Vietnam. His family wasn’t rich. Hmmmm…..it must touch the injured part of me, too! Or the part of me where my “justice gene” resides. We’ve all done things in our past we aren’t necessarily proud of, Michelle. If we can admit we were wrong, learn from them and evolve into better people, they served as an education. And such is life. A journey of lessons. (Although, many still seem to be stuck in Pre-K too far into their adulthoods! HA!)

  • There’s one narcissist in my family. The most challenging part for me is that others are taken in by his charm and swallow his lies hook line and sinker. Everyone else is to blame for the issues in his life, he never takes responsibility for anything. It’s annoying. Really annoying. Especially when I bear the brunt of his shit. I can’t wait until I fully excise him from my life… The day will come. Yes it will.

  • You are brave and wonderful to post this. I don’t know if I would have the courage to do this publicly.

    Hmmm. (off to think about my next post – maybe I can be brave too).

  • Dam I have been away and missed the moonshine , Barbie who can keep my secrets , and just pray the war Hero KNOW’S he is the better person
    Jumped up Trump or is it TRAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • I love all of those, and I’m wrong so often that to keep track of all the times, I’d have to have chapters and multiple columns and an abacus and stuff.

    I follow the news so, um, loosely, that all I know is that Trump is IN the news for something or other, but I haven’t actually clicked on the stories to read WHY.

    Because that’s just the kind of concerned citizen I am…

    (PS Actually my 16-year-old told me the other night that he was hacking on McCain about patriotism or something, so if that’s the case that is NOT cool, Don. Not. Cool.)

  • I agree about the Donald thing — when people at work tell me they want him to be president, I throw up a little in my mouth. I’ve determined (from my totally non-scientific research) that narcissists seem to really buy the bullshit they are selling. I had a boss once who was a pathological liar — and would defend his lies even when it was apparent that he was lying. It used to piss me off like nobody’s business, until I came to the realization that he really believed what he was spouting. Why would he admit he was wrong when he was convinced he was right? I had to walk away from that one (and BTW — he still owes me over $10,000 in compensation that I never received). I’m going to have to write a post about that one.

  • Like someone here said, when you have that much money it seems like you can do anything you want. We simply adore, adore money in this country. It’s sick. I don’t hate rich people, not at all, but don’t be an ass. And, Donald Trump is not young. He really really should know better. Maybe he does, so that’s what makes him a real ass. He says that stupid stuff any.

    Anita

  • I would list five of my mistakes, but the statute of limitations hasn’t run out on all of them yet… But make no mistake, I was at fault for all of them. I think it’s harder for some people to admit wrongdoing than it is for others, but even so there comes a time when no matter how hard it is, it’s still the right thing to do (and usually easier than upholding the lie).
    As for Trump, The Onion put the specimen pin right through him dead center (as usual) and in the process, through us as well.

    http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/admit-it-you-people-want-see-how-far-goes-dont-you-50895

  • Donald Trump is still far worse. Can you imagine his list of 5 worse offences? I say let him talk. Give him enough rope and all that…

  • Trump is a gift to Jon Stewart. I keep looking for the strings as he can’t be real.

    I hear you re the phone calls, I still have difficulty handling things that need to be done by phone, probably even more now than I ever did.

    I think we all have things we did or said in our twenties that we don’t feel proud of, the fact that you feel guilt about it only emphasises how far from being a narcissist you are. I don’t think they feel guilt for anything they ever do. They certainly never apologise.

    I’m still a prime target for manipulative people. I just don’t seem to have the ability to stop being a people pleaser, so I attract them and don’t spot them till it is far too late.

    I think living on a desert island where I don’t have to deal with people might be preferable.

  • “I just thought if I call someone out of their bullshit behavior then I want to be the kind of person who will own up to my own bullshit behavior as well.”

    If only more people were as responsible and adult. Many of our political/corporate “leaders” are incapable of owning up to their mistakes.

    Hell, most of them have troubles admitting that they are wrong.

    Having put up with that while growing up – my Dad was never, EVER wrong. EVER- my tolerance for that sort of nonsense is remarkably short.

    Good on you, Michelle.

  • So I’m a very MODERATE Republican…and I had a “friend” who was a rapid, far-left Democrat. He loved to send out emails about how stupid Republicans were…LOVED any kind of quote that was ridiculous, etc. Well, he sent out a rant about how right-wing Christians were wanting to destroy the earth so that the Rapture could occur sooner and we could all get to Heaven ASAP. He sent an article written by Bill Moyers that stated that James Watt, former Secretary of the Interior and devote Christian was all about the “destroy the environment” school of thought. This article said, “James Watt told the U.S. Congress that protecting natural resources was unimportant in light of the imminent return of Jesus Christ. In public testimony he said, ‘After the last tree is felled, Christ will come back’.” My friend was all “looky-looky at the stupid Christians…see how dumb they are. Republicans are all crazy hicks.”
    The problem with that? Is that the “public testimony” never happened. Bill Moyers recanted the whole story and publically and personally apologized to James Watt. When THAT story broke, I contacted my friend and said that he really ought to email all of the people he had sent the first email out to…instead, I got a 3 page reply about how James Watt may not have SAID those things in front of Congress, but he OBVIOUSLY thinks them because of his actions.
    We went back and forth…me saying, “But (Name), the author of the article retracted the article!” and him flat refusing to admit he was wrong. Right then and there, I lost all respect for my “friend”.
    Someone who doesn’t have the integrity to admit when they are wrong isn’t someone I care to associate with.

    • I could not agree more. I’ve been guilty of sharing information without checking it for accuracy first, but I have owned up to it as well…I REALLY fact check before I share now.

  • Your blog is a joy to read. Comment for this particular one…. Sometimes I still stick things in the drawer and I am 64! 🙂

    • Thank you so much! And thanks for letting me know you are here.

      I am still guilty of that as well from time to time…but it usually only affects me.

  • Thanks for drawing my attention to this whole anxiety thing. I recently had to call the phone company about some charges and was putting it off and putting it off and I saw that hubby was not going to call ( it’s my phone). So then I thought how bad could it be? They are not likely to yell at me or be mean so I tried it. And whatta ya know? I was successful! Chalk one up for me. I was very pleased with their response.

By Michelle

Michelle

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