Ribbed For Her Pleasure

I had this wife beater. I was in my early twenties when I bought it. This shirt was so soft that I could almost feel it melt every time I put it on.

I had that shirt for over 20 years. I wore it until it was so threadbare that it was nearly transparent and it had to become a nightshirt. Then around 5 years ago, it sprouted holes and it was time to say goodbye.

I thought about my wife beater (which really..is a terrible fucking name..let’s come up with something else. How about “Barely appropriate T-shirts ribbed for her pleasure?). I thought about how much I missed that shirt.

I thought about my BATSRFHP shirt because I recently had to part with another piece of clothing. I had to get rid of my Nightmare Before Christmas pajama bottoms.  The material clung to the elastic waistband by a few threads. The torn parts hung low giving the appearance that I wore some sort of disheveled loin cloth designed by Tim Burton.

The time had come to let them go. I was going to say “let them go with dignity”, but that ship sailed a couple years ago.

It occurred to me, that out of all the money I have spent over the years on clothing, the one item that I would miss was a threadbare t-shirt. Well, and a pair of pajama bottoms that made the list like 16 hours ago.

This made me think again about our plan to downsize. As of yet, the plan is still in the cerebral stage. I’m still planning. For instance, I have planned every night for over a month now to start boxing things up for a yard sale next spring. What I’ve accomplished is watching Netflix.

What trinkets or furniture would I miss 10 years from now if I no longer owned them? Not very fucking much, actually.

Randy and I are alike in that we don’t care much for the stuff we have. Not in a “We’d be happier with different stuff” way, but in a “we don’t care because we don’t care”.

We care about traveling together. We care about listening to music. We care about spending time with people we love. We care about the time when we are not around other people. We care about sitting outside and acting like children. We also enjoy burning things.

Okay, we enjoy a fire. I swear, we aren’t pyromaniacs.

I’m hoping that by keeping this in mind, I’ll get moving on the actual packing part. I mean, remembering how little we have that has sentimental value, not fire.

I’m going to start with clothes, shoes, and handbags. Time to winnow that shit down. I have some goddamn adorable shoes that I haven’t worn in years.They’re not comfortable. It is dumb to continue to keep them just because they are cute. Time to move on and accept the fact that my remaining years will be spent in shoes that keep my heels very close to the earth.

I can’t think of a single pair of shoes I own that I would miss. Maybe, that pair of flip flops that I’ve had for the past 3 years, but really, I wouldn’t cry over them.

Fucking hell, this reminds me. There is something else I miss. I once had a the perfect pair of slouchy worn cowboy boots. Then cowboy boots became really dweeby for a while and I got rid of them. Damn. Those were some good cowboy boots. 

I’ve been stuck in this hazy, weird fog for a while now. I am pretty sure the fog is filled with some poisonous gas or vaporized drug that is causing me to be in a perpetual state of waiting. Waiting for answers, waiting for the weekend. Waiting to move.

I have got to break out of this pattern.

Okay, I mean it this time. Before the sun rises another morning, I will have at least one box packed up and ready for selling.


What should I watch on Netflix next?





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  • It’s all about the voices!! If you were a hoarder, the voice says, “I can use this again, it’s just a little____.” A collector voice says, “I have the perfect spot in this display cabinet.” My Mommy voice says, “Ohhhh, he was so cute in this.” And my Sentimental Journey voice ALWAYS says, “You will never feel that way again!”

    So….whether you choose to listen to a certain voice or all of them, as long as it’s not your kids that have to do the boxing after you’re gone, Netflix wins! And how else are we going to ensure that our kids establish good voices when deciding what to keep for 30 years…or more? Exposure to fine training is the only way and we certainly can’t trust anybody else with that. We are perfect decision makers! Just not timely ones 🙂

    Keep the shoes…they don’t take up much room and if you have a Granddaughter she is going to LOVE playing dress up. Hello Gramma voice. (This one really fucks with you…fair warning 🙂

    What did Randy want to watch on Netflix with you??

    • We’ve been watching Person Of Interest. Not bad. It makes me want to watch Lost again, but Randy hated Lost. He’s so fucking picky.

      I kept a pair of Joey’s shoes. That’s it. It’s not that I’m sentimental about nearly all of this stuff. I’m just lazy. haha.

      • Haha 🙂 Lazy is a mean word… I’m just a collector who is short on display space!! Or, one stuffed animal away from my own ‘Hoarders’ episode. Maybe if they don’t bring the truck marked ‘Got Junk?’ and send the one from ‘Pickers’ instead…I’m positive my Prom dress from Junior year is vintage/retro.

        I liked ‘The B in Apartment 23’ 🙂 But Tim is good as long as there is a frequency pattern splashed on the big screen.

  • First of all, you should check out Scrotal Recall on Netflix. It’s hilarious!
    Next, kudos to getting rid of stuff. I’m still desparstely holding on to everything for reasons I cannot really articulate. I can’t wait to follow along, maybe I’ll be inspired and get rid of some crap cluttering my house too.

  • Ha! Love this, Michelle. I thought I was the only one who got all sentimental about my holey (holy) clothes that I’ve thrown out. I always remember these things at random moments too. Downsizing? Sounds kind of daunting although I’ve downsized 5 years ago and it’s surprising what you don’t miss. the Tim Burton PJ bottoms? Ya, I get that.

  • I’ve been trying to really clean out, too, and it’s way easier to get rid of the nice shoes and dresses than the old, well worn in, holey t-shirts and jeans. Totally agree about needing a new name for wife beaters – ugh!

  • I’m a big proponent of the “just chuck it” brigade – I figure if I miss it later it’ll be an excuse to buy a new one. I even threw out a pair of wedges today that were only 4 years old (the soles were going in opposite directions to the shoe) I feel quite free but I’ll miss those little suckers in the same way you miss those boots!

  • I just defensively told my husband that my sweatshirt I’m wearing is ONLY six years old. In my closet that’s a toddler! I think I’m lazy, but truth be told, I think Lisa k is on to something. I have a boatload of psychosomatic reasons for the high school trinkets, grade school report cards (mine and my kids!) and college T-shirts that keep me from moving forward with the downsizing project. Got no answers…but I do have Netflix and am going to try Scrotal Recall. Seems like that’s the key to success here!

  • Part of me has always envied women because you have a much wider variety of clothing available. If a guy wants to really dress up for a fancy occasion his only option is a tux. It would be nice to have other options.
    Now you’ve made me think not just about how women are pressured to look a certain way, hence a lot of uncomfortable and even unnecessary “options”, but also how much closet space all that shit takes up. And how hard it must be to get rid of it because you never know when you might need it.
    I do still want some option other than a tux.
    By the way I think technically if you’re wearing it it’s a “husbandbeater”.

    • You make a good point with the clothes..although, I have so little that is “fancy”. It sounds good in theory, but fancy is a pain the ass. hmmmm…husbandbeater. That doesn’t sound much better.

  • I’ve been trying to divest myself of under-used stuff for a couple years now. Is this a trend, or does it just occur to you when you get older that having stuff is a lot of work?

    My divestiture goes in stages. My clothing selections are pretty pared down, but I just replaced all the Legos I got rid of.

    If you like murder mysteries, I just finished watching Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries on Netflix. An Australian series set in the 1920s.

    • THAT show sounds right up my ally. I will give it a shot.

      We’re downsizing because our youngest will be graduating high school and we want to move into a MUCH smaller house. Not that ours is big, it’s really not…but we don’t need much space.

  • I’ve moved..13 times and downsized every.single.time. I have one box of memories and a larger box for my two kids memories. That’s it. I save memories, not things.
    I wore my Dads undershirts ie wifebeaters as jammie tops for years after he passed. I still have one. But it’s an undershirt.
    I’m binging The Fosters on Netflix.
    Now I have to go use Google Translate to see what my two-y (twin) sent me. We’ve been insulting each other for an hour now….

  • I think everyone has those moods. I call it my fuck it mood. I think I’ve been in it for the last decade at least! My problem is just the opposite. I don’t care about anything so I get rid of everything …then I have nothing. Seriously, I own one pair of shoes! True story. Okay I lied two, I forgot my “I have to go to another damn funeral shoes”.

  • Love fire. We just finally after 15 years cleaned out and organized our garage. It took a couple of months of all of our free time. I think what people don’t realize is that going through stuff is greatly emotional. I am getting so much better at getting rid of shit though cause I am so tired of being overwhelmed by crap. When cleaning out the garage we had no idea how many Christmas decorations we had. Boxes and boxes. We now have just 2 boxes of the more sentimental crap, but we threw out buttloads, and I suspect in the end those boxes will disappear too. I do the going through my clothes thing pretty regularly and it is hard when something is cute to let it go even though you haven’t worn it in decades. lol I no longer have heels either. Here’s to holding on to the important stuff. 🙂

    • I kind of did that with the Christmas stuff 2 seasons ago. I realized I no longer enjoyed setting up the big tree, so I just kept enough for a small tree and divided the rest up between the kids.

  • My daughter sold a lot of her cute shoes and clothes on this site called poshmark.com.
    She got some good money out of it and they made it super easy to ship stuff. Your cute, uncomfortable shoes might go that route. You won’t get jack shit for them in a yard sale.

    • I don’t even care…I just want it gone. And my stuff isn’t that great anyway..maybe a few pieces are decent. Whatever I don’t sell, I am going to pitch or donate.

  • I have tons of clothes I need to get rid of—mostly because I can’t fit into them. Those fashions were three sizes ago. I keep telling myself I’ll lost weight and wear them one day, but I don’t think my family will appreciate seeing me in long jackets with giant shoulder pads.

  • I actually love throwing things away. My Randy loves keeping everything. We have a mixed marriage. I get that feeling of waiting, however. There’s something about this time of year that makes me want to come inside and sip tea all day. Netflix isn’t bad either.

  • In 2011 we had to move out of our awesome warehouse space and into an a friend’s apartment. We put everything into a storage except what we really needed every day. For me, that was my computer, three bags of clothes, and my Timbuk2 bag and its contents.
    In late 2013, after we had been in this (horrible) space a while, we retrieved our belongings from the storage so as to stop paying for it. For the most part, it is still boxed up and stacked along one wall. My music equipment is neatly stacked behind this computer I’m using right now. It turns out I really didn’t care about all of that stuff after all, and once I’d been away from it for long enough to be doing other things with my time, I wasn’t even interested in messing with it.
    That said, your stuff has your (mental) number, and is automatically incapacitating. Having been a professional mover for a while, which makes you the go-to remedy for your friend’s distressed and/or emergency moves, I have instructed those I was assisting to please stand by the door and point at things to be moved, as making rational or timely decisions about doing so was obviously (and understandably) beyond their capacity at the moment. I don’t care whether you have a mansion’s worth or three shoe boxes, if it’s your stuff, it has your number, and the effort required to deal with it is weighed down by the totality of your personal connection to it.
    That said, I still haven’t gotten rid of ANY of the stuff stacked along the wall, and in fact have acquired new stuff to add to it that will have to be dealt with soon upon our exit, so good luck!

  • I got rid of heaps when we moved in March last year but looking around our place, there is still heaps that could go but that would mean I would have to get it altogether, have the discussion with Al about why we should get rid of it, listen to his umpteen reasons about why we should keep it and then it all gets to hard so it gets shoved back into a cupboard somewhere to be left until I’m looking for space to hide something else and i come across it instead !! Netflix – that reminds me – we got a free 6 month subscription when we bought a TV – must get onto that. Oh look, that’s sparkly, off to play !!! LOL

  • I did the whole Kon Mari thing and got rid of half of my “wardrobe” this summer. I don’t miss a single thing.

    Of course, when my favorite 20 year old sweater sprouted one too many holes this week and I had to give it a Viking Funeral I almost cried…

  • If you like fire, you’d love my neighborhood. Someone is burning all the time. Mattresses, paneling, television sets. Oh my.
    I think I want a Wifebeater now. Sounds comfy.

  • Have I told you about my (keep your fingers crossed) big plans for moving overseas, and then moving somewhere else overseas every two years after that? Even though it’s not for sure (yet), I’m already freaking out about what to take and what to leave. Luckily, I think I can just leave most of the shit where it is and let Doc deal with it.

By Michelle


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