Got A Ticket On A Run Away Brain


The baby boy enjoyed his last musical festival so much that he decided to go on another one. He left today. I could vomit. It’s really hot out. What if he doesn’t drink enough water? What if he forgot sun screen? What if he joins a cult that worships Garbage Pail Kids? You don’t know. The danger is out there.

I was a young adult when Garbage Pail Kids came out. I thought they were mostly lame, but kind of disturbing. I remember they were a response to Cabbage Patch dolls. My older son had a Cabbage Patch doll named Robin, which was weird because there was a consultant from Connecticut doing a software upgrade at the company I worked for named Robin. Robin was 6′ 8″ and had a grizzly Adams beard. I had a massive crush on him. Then my kid gets a doll named Robin and I thought it was a sign. I mean, the biggest sign should have been that my marriage was shit, but no, I thought the Cabbage Patch doll was a sign. I think back at how many times I saw “signs” in things and it makes me cringe a bit. I don’t think I got cynical when I got older. I think one day my logic stepped up and said “Okay, that’s about enough of that shit.” But I really digress. That got weird for a minute. And why in the fuck would I think about Garbage Pail Kids in the first place?

So, I’m antsy and worried and having a hard time grasping many coherent thoughts. My brain is an asshole. Randy and I have the next 4 days to ourselves and I thought it best to use the time wisely.

Me: I’m kind of lame.

Randy: I am not having this conversation.

Oh, but he is wrong. Of course we are. I mean, it’s not going to end up any place rational, but we’re definitely having this conversation. 

Me: I’m a little lame.

Randy: Nope.

Me: Dude, I’ve seen every episode of Buffy at least 8 times. And I’m 54 years old. I’m lame and kind of weird.

Randy: 8 times? Would we say 8?

Me: Really? I mean I guess it could be more. What if it’s like, 22 times?

Randy: Yeah, you’re a little lame.


Randy: You’re watching Buffy again after I’m asleep, aren’t you?

Me: I skipped over a bunch of episodes. Almost to the Angel spin off.

Randy: You’re not lame, you’re a dent head.

And then we laughed like crazy people.

The reason he called me a dent head is because I noticed in a picture my sister took of us that we both have dents on the same spot on our foreheads. I pointed it out to him while we were driving to Tennessee last month. Then, he called me a dent head and he just won’t stop. I do encourage the behavior though, by cracking up every time he says it.

So, we’re laughing and I’m ticking through my brain on what I have to still get done this evening.

Me: Hold on a minute. I have to talk to you about this before I forget.

Randy made his absurd wide eye face that says Holy fuck, she’s about to say something super serious. 

Me: I have three things to do still. I have to make my lunch for tomorrow, clean the cat boxes, and take a shower.

Randy: Whatever, dent head.

Me: …

Randy: We were just laughing and having a good time. You don’t have a schedule to keep right now. We have an empty nest.

Me: Yeah, I know, I was just trying to…

Randy: Ruin it.

And then we cracked up again because that shit was funny.

Now, I have to be serious. I still have those three things to do.

Baby boy should be back home by the time I post this. In the mean time, I plan on drinking and worrying. And probably painting my family room. 



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  • *looks in mirror for forehead dent*
    Um… Michelle?
    If you’re looking for a sign, the matching forehead dents is a pretty big one…
    You two are meant to be…

    dent heads together forever?

    I tried. I really tried.
    It just gushed out and I couldn’t stop it and then I looked at my backspace key and said, “Nah.”


  • “I think one day my logic stepped up and said “Okay, that’s about enough of that shit.” ”

    Hah – same here. Ain’t evolution (AKA aging *cringe*) GRAND!? (Yes…the answer is yes. Dammit)

    That pic of you and Randy is a fabola, stone beauty!

  • Those dents are a sign of deep concentration, which is weird because you two are probably the world’s least serious couple.
    Also “Dent Head” is the worst Garbage Pail Kid ever.
    I’m sure there’s a point here but I really need to get back to season 2 of Buffy.

  • You guys are awesome! And look (dare I say it?) adoreable in that picture!
    I have so many dorkable eppy counts of so many shows (many of them admittedly lame) that I stopped counting. But I’d probably kick ass on a tv trivia show.

  • I’ve managed to dent my head on several occasions, starting when I was six weeks old. Three of them required medical attention. How much that contributed to my current mental state is anybody’s guess.
    I saw Soul Asylum open for the Spin Doctors at the Greek Theater in Berkeley in the early nineties. They were pretty good, but a bunch of their fans left after their set and missed a really good show by the Spin Doctors. I understand wanting to see your favorite band more than whoever else is on the bill, but somehow they impressed me as being stuck up. Does anyone say stuck up any more?
    Your picture is adorable.

    • Oh man..I did that once. I saw Richard Thompson open up for Crowded House. I didn’t give a fuck about Crowded House, so I left. But I didn’t feel stuck up. I don’t know if people still say that, but I know what it means. haha.

      I think the dude from The Spin Doctors lost his voice or something. Some medical issue maybe? I’d look it up, but I’m super lazy on Mondays.

  • Make your lunch for tomorrow.
    Clean the cat box(es? how many cats do you have?)

    I need to bathe, eat something, pick up & complete a job application, and do a Costco run. I’m gonna guess that you skipped the other three and jumped right into painting the family room.

    I was gonna check for a dent, but I’m lazy, and now there’s a cat belly what needs rubbin’, so I guess I’m trapped here.

    • I have two cats and three cat boxes. The vet (and a friend) told me that for multiples, you need one per cat plus and extra.

      Kitties come first, if there’s a belly then there’s a belly. What are you gonna do?

      • ya know, I’d heard that about the “1 for each plus 1” but we live in a one-bedroom, one-bath apartment, and my husband works for a pet supply retailer, so we have just the one box for our two, and the only time we have accidents, it’s usually due to something we’ve done, some change we’ve made to something, that they’re angry about…

        but you are right about “if there’s a belly then there’s a belly”, fo sho.

        Did you do your three things? Did you paint, too, or instead of? I did my three things, as well as trimming claws on belly-rub-baby. I never did check for a dent, though. 😉

  • I hope you skipped the Riley episodes. Hubs and I debate if there was enough Riley in season 6 to ruin it. We all hate the Riley-heavy episodes.

    • She JUST dumped books on his head in season 4, so it’s early. Riley doesn’t bug me. I mean, it was doomed..but he doesn’t bug me. Season six seems to be generally considered the worst one, but I actually like that season.

  • ” Oh, but he is wrong. Of course we are. I mean, it’s not going to end up any place rational, but we’re definitely having this conversation. ”

    And that….

    That’s why I love you guys…

  • You certainly do have identical dents! Or is that idents? Anyway, this logical Brit is now asking his crazy American wife what physical features we have in common that merit our being together. She’s looking at me very strangely. Really very strangely.

    • HAHAAH…You just need to look at a bunch of photos you’ve taken together and sooner or later you’ll find something. Being bored on a long car trip helps.

  • I think this is great. It’s wonderful you and Randy have such a great relationship. I remember Garbage Pail kids. And I read in a previous article about Bazooka Joe gum and damn I could almost taste it again. Thanks for the good memories. As for my brain, my memory is awful. You are not alone. ❤

By Michelle


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