Randy and I were just talking about our sense of humor. While we do differ a little, our sense of humors are nearly the same. He finds farts way more funny than I do and he loves The Three Stooges.
We mostly find the same things funny and the same things not funny. We have friends who have similar humor to ours even though they think Dewey Cox: Walk Hard is funny and that Romy And Michelle’s High School Reunion is not, we do all agree that Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Napoleon Dynamite are awesome.
We were flipping through Netflix, as we do, trying to find something funny to watch. There are so many wildly popular comedy movies that neither of us find amusing. Hangovers for instance. The only thing funny about a hangover is seeing a coworker you don’t like struggle through work with one.
For the record, the tiger in the bathroom scene did make me laugh out loud.
Anyway, we were coming up dry on the comedy front.
Me: Maybe, we just don’t have a sense of humor, you know?
Randy: Yes we do.
Me: I don’t know. I don’t laugh very easy. You don’t laugh very easy. Maybe, we’re just dour people.
Randy: We have a sophisticated sense of humor.
Randy and I are a whole bunch of things, but sophisticated, in any sense of the word, isn’t one of them.
Randy: We’re funny. You know we are.
Me: Well, I guess.
Me: I’m funnier than you, though.
Randy: You wish camel dish.
Me: I mean, you’re funny, but you are more of a snork on the humor scale and I’m a hiccup.
Randy: You make up a lot of scales.
Me: You shouldn’t feel bad about snork. Snork level is pretty high on the scale.
If you are not aware of the humor scale that I just made up, let me explain it to you:
- Eye Roll – A person who has an “eye roll” level sense of humor really wants to be funny, but just isn’t. They hear “I’m laughing on the inside” more than your average person.
- Polite Laughter – This level shows a sense of humor that is developed enough to elicit an insincere laugh that is given to show the effort is appreciated. Unless the polite laughter is coming from the person working the check out at the grocery story. Then the polite laughter is only happening because they’re at work and their boss expects them to be friendly. I’ve been trying to explain this to Randy for years.
- Chuckle – This level is where most people sit. Most people are able to come up with response that is unexpected or absurd at least some of the time.
- Laugh – If you find someone who has “laugh” level on the humor scale, then stick with them. If someone makes you laugh often, it’s almost like getting free drugs. Not that I’m advocating drug use. I’m just saying, if someone makes you laugh, then it’s like getting a free, giddy little high. Unless you are at a comedy club. Then you paid for it. Unless you got free tickets or something.
- Laughter with tears/until your sides hurt – This is the same as number 4, but with more kick. This is where you expect to find people comedians on the humor scale. Except Dane Cook. He’s like a .5 on the humor scale.
- Snort – We’ve all been there. Someone says something unexpectedly funny and you just can’t get your laugh out fast enough and it ends up coming out your nose and you make a hilarious sound like an old man suddenly waking up after falling asleep in front of everyone at the dinner table.
- Snork – Snork is actually like snort except it happens just as you take a drink of something and the liquid shoots out of your nostrils along with your laugh.
- Pee A Little – I actually have never laughed until I peed before. On the one hand, I guess I should be glad that I’ve never pissed myself as an adult. On the other, maybe I’m missing out. Maybe, I do have a damaged sense of humor. I mean, I know a lot of people who pissed themselves laughing. Maybe, humor is more fun for them. Although, laundry would still be more fun for me.
- Hiccup – “Hiccup” level is when you make people snork and pee a little and have raccoon eyes because they laughed so hard they cried their mascara off. After all that, they are so overcome, they get the hiccups. Honestly, you should only be around “hiccup” level people on a limited basis. You have to have time for working, reading, and perhaps cleaning up the goddamn bathroom. You can’t be sitting around pissing yourself and getting the hiccups because you’re laughing so much. It’s not practical.
- Silent Laughter – You know that point. When you laugh so hard that everything tries to get out of you, bottlenecks, and gets caught in the back of your throat. You can’t even snort. Your shoulders are shake and tears are streaming down your face which has become an alarming shade of purple. Sooner or later, you take a breath that sounds like you’re having an asthma attack and you’ll get it under control. With a few relapses. There is usually at least one when you laugh this hard. People who cause laughter this hard should come with a warning.
I don’t really think Randy is a snort and I am a hiccup. We travel up and down this scale all the time. Usually not at the same time, though, and we pass each other and offer up either eye rolls or high fives. Sometimes we are in sync and then we’re fucking hilarious.
We might not laugh super easy, but we do laugh a lot. But not until we piss ourselves. Maybe, I was right. Maybe, we are just dour people.
Also, I’m feeling guilty now about talking shit about Dane Cook. Was that too mean?