It might be possible that I have the teeniest of issues with road rage.
This is me, squirming while admitting I have a thoroughly unattractive habit.
Anyway, it’s not like I’m aggressive or threatening. I just get super annoyed with other drivers. Sometimes, I am annoyed before I even leave my driveway. I fully admit that the problem lies with me.
My road rage comes out in shouting and swearing at other drivers. “Piece of shit mother fucker” makes a frequent appearance.
My dad was horrible in the car. He was always angry. Always yelling. I loathe that I do the same thing. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to feel so goddamn angry when I’m in the car.
I mean, sometimes people do stupid shit and it’s going to piss me off. I’m only human, I think most people feel at least a little irritation from time to time when they are behind the wheel.
The driveway thing? Yeah, that happened early last week.
I was pulling out of my driveway and a neighbor pulled out of his, kind of cut me off, and then drove painfully slow.
I was annoyed. I was thoroughly annoyed. Goddammit so much, he was on my nerves.
Bullet The Blue Sky by U2 was playing on Sirius. I sang along as loud as I could instead of cursing my neighbor, his children, and their children. I felt a little more calm and let go of the angry feeling pretty quick. I was goddamn on to something.
I got on the interstate. Here’s where my screaming my song theory would be tested to the fullest. I’ve never made it to work without yelling at least one person.
Sure enough, someone did something dumb. I don’t remember what. I just remember that I was listening to The Cure and I was singing at the other driver as loud as I could. Whatever words I say…I will always love you.
Then, I cracked up because singing the words “I will always love you” to a stranger, who I am currently angry with, is absurd. I felt much better in record time.
So anyway, I was completely sure this method would work.
Until the next day. Here are my thoughts as I attempted to implement my screaming songs therapy:
Fuck. I don’t know the words to “She Sells Sanctuary”.
Which preset is the Lithium station?
Oh god, not Billy Corgan. That’s just going to piss me off more.
These thoughts were followed by:
“Fuck you, motherfucker. Let me fucking merge.”
Randy suggested that I make a smartphone playlist for driving and not count on Sirius to play songs I know or that don’t piss me off. He’s pretty smart.
Of course, I need a course of action for dealing with him sometimes as well. We had the following conversation this morning. I am not even kidding.
I went out to the deck earlier this morning. It was already stupidly hot out. I opened the umbrella and bent it at an angle to keep the sun off my face, drank some coffee, decided it was too hot, then went back in.
A few hours later, Randy looked out the window.
Randy: Who put the umbrella up like that?
Me: I did this morning.
Randy: I just put it down last night.
Randy: The umbrella was up and at an angle yesterday. I just put it down last night.
Me: Yeeeah…and this morning, I opened the umbrella and used it for it’s intended purpose.
Me: Are you saying that if you put the umbrella down, that the experience was so exhausting that we should never use the umbrella again? Or do you just need weeks to recover?
He’ll put the umbrella down later tonight, he always does. Then, I will have coffee on the deck tomorrow morning and the cycle will repeat itself.
Only, maybe instead of being sarcastic to Randy when he bitches about the umbrella being left up, I will scream “How ever long I stay…I will always love you.”
Oh, and I got another sponsored post. I really enjoy getting paid. Getting paid is awesome. So, my next post will be about invitations/greeting cards. I’m also going to giving away a big stack of cards, so check back in on Thursday.