Search Term Tuesday: I Left The Most Disturbing Out

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Any time I post a search term Tuesday post it’s because I’m tired and I can’t think of anything to write about. So, I just look at the search terms people use and end up at my blog. I have to give these people credit, they’re creative and somewhat scary.

I can’t use more than half of them because they are truly vile. I will only say this: Stop searching mother/son sexual stuff. You sick fucks. 

Mostly, they are funny and they make me feel better about my abysmal spelling skills:

what is a spasmodic accommodator I am! I am a spasmodic accommodator! It’s not that weird, really. It has to do with a vision problem. Although, I’m pretty sure if it meant something else, it would still apply to me.

Michelle Not even kidding, someone googled just my first name. Whoever found my blog on this search term really loves Michelles and wants to know about all of them. I got to page 35 and had just gotten to Sarah Michelle Geller entries, I’m guessing Rubber Shoes would have shown up around the 1000 page mark. Or so. Seriously, the first lady and Michelle Duggar are using up way too many google pages.

I vomited in hotel room fee Man, they are charging for everything these days, right? I wonder how that even shows up on the bill?

I fucked my nanny Well…now you’re just bragging. And bragging to google gets you no where. That’s no way to go through life.

He touched my boops Boop.

scary elf fucks to gils on chirmeass I don’t even know where to start with this. Also, have you guys even started your chirmeass shopping yet? Sadly, I just double checked to make sure I spelled ‘chirmeass’ correctly. 

I’m not having a hot flash – I am having a short tropical vacation Okay, this bears repeating. Hot flashes are not tropical moments. Tropical moments are pleasant. Hot flashes are like being squeezed between satan’s butt cheeks.

how to prevent a ring of mood in the toilet bowl I think we’ve all asked ourselves this question, haven’t we? And I still think having toilet seats made out of that mood ring material is a brilliant idea.

adult fucked Again…how many pages deep did this person have to go to get to my blog? Half the goddamn internet is porn. They had to have gone through half the goddamn internet. I hope they weren’t disappointed.

My love must be a kite of my love Yay!! This can only mean that I’m not the only one who misheard the lyrics to this song!

Why did the dentist put a rubber cap over the tooth nub? Is it just me, or does this sound like a ‘why did the chicken cross the road’ kind of riddle? We need to answer this question, people.

Simulating legal blindness with wax paper I have wax paper in my kitchen. I never use it. I don’t even know why I have it. At least someone is putting their wax paper to good use.

if he finger fucks you does it mean he loves you? Of course it does! Open dialogue, mutual respect, mutual interests and finger fucking. Those are the things that define love.

How to survive all day meetings You can’t. Don’t even try. Just give up and die.

bifocals suck You know, I would agree with this, but what I’ve found is that they suck even worse when you lose them.

Well, that was interesting. And it warms my heart to know that so many people are putting the internet to good use. The information we have available to us boggles my mind, we can find out about anything we want, and these are the things people are searching for. On the other hand, I should probably get off my high horse. I’ve spent way too much time watching videos of screaming goats to judge how other people use their internet time.

 

 

 

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