Search Term Tuesday Is Something I Stole

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From Steph at We Don’t Chew Glass.

I completely love her, she’s awesome. You should read her blog and then you guys can crush on her with me.

I’m typing this on painkillers. As it turns out, being sick the first two months of the year wasn’t enough and I am now fighting a kidney infection.

I went to the doctor today because I was reasonably sure I had a kidney infection, or maybe quick acting bladder cancer. My doctor’s method to diagnosing me was to get a urine sample and then he karate chopped my lower back. I went through the roof because that shit hurt and he said ‘Yep, it’s a kidney infection’.

I am really not too sure about his methods. He did give me painkillers though, so I guess all is forgiven. Little worried about going to him for my sometime migraine problem, though.

Anyway, here is a sampling of some of the search terms that people use to get to my blog.

We heart it boobless. I guess this is a positive message. I mean, boobs..no boobs…they heart it!

www.honesty boob massage. I think I see a theme emerging.

Boobless job.  Does that even exist?

Rubber teeth shoes. Because if you have rubber teeth, then they need shoes.

I’m unreasonable, too sensitive and tired of fucking bullshit. Fair enough.

Stretch mark Barbie. I would buy this.

dear michelle, why are you ignoring me? I’m guessing it’s because you’re needy and annoying and you probably rattle the change in your pocket.

stretch marks from pregnancy makes him fuck her harder. No. I am sure I mentioned stretch marks before. Probably more than once, but never like this. Holy shit.

How to stick a suppository up my boyfriend’s ass. HAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHA. To quote Joon from Benny And Joon: The answer is in the question.

Will a frail narcissist still want his lover? I don’t know why, but I really hope he does.

Gamble rubber shoes. I guess you could try, but I don’t think they make good currency.

Supertramp shit.  Scatalogical, parasitical, acoustical, untypical.

What the hell rubber shoes. I don’t know! What the hell. I can’t read that without hearing it in my 3 year old granddaughter’s voice. Like the time she said to me “What the hell, gaga”?

Funny fuckingfunnyfucking Not gonna lie, I’m proud of this one.

Toilet seat left rings on butt. I’m going to have to check next time. Just in case.

jesus narcissistic personality disorder.  The side to Jesus that no one ever wants to talk about.

Rubber boobs girl. Look, up in the sky..it’s a bra..it’s pasties…it’s RUBBER BOOBS GIRL.

Man, I love this search term Tuesday thing. It makes blogging on painkillers so much easier.

Do you have a blog? Tell me about your weird search terms. Or just make some up.

 

 

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39 comments

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  • Ha! You had some really good ones this week! My personal favorite is Funny fuckingfunnyfucking. I’m so glad that person found your site so they could have a nice laugh over a good fucking funny read – although I’m fairly sure that’s not what they were looking for.

  • Literally every single search term set except on my main blog relate to weight watchers and finding points. The other one? Broken face. That one comes up from when my friend got his face gashed open stupidly trying to break up a bar fight or some shit. Slash goes the bottle! Oh look! We can see your teeth! Ugh.

    I’ll have to look at terms on my others.

  • What really scares me is what they were actually looking for. Especially the unprintable ones. It makes me want to go home and check the browser history on the computer, because god knows what my 11 year old is now searching for after his 5th grade teacher presented the “human sexuality” unit in Health last week…

  • I was just talking about odd search terms with Sarah over at Yoga Pants Mafia at Blog U last weekend. We do get some creepers, don’t we.

    I came home with a cold. It’s not quite a kidney infection, but I am also under the influence of drugs. Sudafed and Allegra to be exact. The children in Iraq cry for me nightly.

    I hope you feel better soon.

  • OMG! I do this too, but I do it on my Facebook page on Fridays. I call it “Freaky Search Term Friday.” But I didn’t know you guys did it too! I didn’t steal it, I swear!

    Honestly, I don’t know how ALL bloggers don’t do some variant of this. The search terms we get are just way too weird.

    • I just meant I stole the idea for ‘search term tuesday’ like ‘throw back thursday’.

      Yeah..I love going through my search terms. People are so fucked up.

  • I used to have a blog but never got enough traffic to have weird search terms bring people to it before I got bored and abandoned it. Although I also say I invented blogging because I started forwarding funny things to friends, then writing weird things they found funny, back in 1995, and then some guy collected them on a website. And I’ve kept doing it for nineteen years now. Hit my link, and skip the awful text and go right to the “Freethinkers Issues”.

    Since the site doesn’t really belong to me I have no idea how many people are getting to it, but I hope someone out there searches the term “centaur farts” and gets to it that way.

  • I think stretch mark barbie and Supertramp shit are my favorites of yours. Between my story about traitor black nipple hairs and my story about how my Grandma called my kitty leggings “hot pussy” pants, I get some very sick search terms. I’m sure these folks are very disappointed.

    Feel better soon! xoxo

  • I got nothing. But then I’ve been off–visiting with family, watching my oldest graduate, listening to gossip about myself and other totally important offline stuff.

    Hope you feel better. Next time, karate chop his neck and say, “Oh. Sorry. Does it hurt when I do that?”

    MISS you guys! (And I agree-Steph’s awesome)

  • You make me laugh with the “quick acting bladder cancer.” I have been having abdominal and back pain the last few months — I went through a whole list of possible deadly and/or painful illnesses — pancreatitis, kidney cancer, kidney stones, ovarian cancer. I like how we jump right to worst case scenarios.

    I finally went to the ER on Sunday night, where the doc there did an ultrasound on my ovaries just for giggles. Sure enough, there is a cyst in there the size of a tennis ball. I’m having surgery on Thursday to cut that sucker out. I’m old enough I don’t need that stinkin’ ovary anyway.

    PS – can you hook me up with the guy who thinks women with stretch marks are fuckable?

    • You’re having surgery this Thursday? Damn. Well send up a smoke signal or something so that we know you’re okay. My work friend just had her uterus removed because she had a tumor on it that was bigger than her uterus. She was out for 6 weeks. I was bored.

      I am not hooking you up with the stretch mark guy. He scares me a little.

  • I think my blog is too young or unpopular or something. All I’ve seen is wtfelsewhere & variations thereof (probably my friends) and the dreaded & frustratingly more common “Unknown Search Terms” (insert horror-comic font here). PS thanks, Google! :/

  • Somebody keeps searching “fair rides” and “party bus” and getting a whole lot more puke stories than they probably bargained for. For that I’m sorry.

  • Literally over half of the people who find my blog are searching for “true fuck stories,” or some variation thereof, because (apparently) I say “fuck” a lot, and I once wrote a post about how I was accused of running a mafia at my high school (you can’t make this shit up) and used the phrase “true story” in the title. I also get a lot of “lonely wife fucking” searches because I called a post about going to Dublin and Glasgow with my wife “This isn’t Lonely Fucking Planet.” I’ve disappointed a lot of people in Russia, India, and Israel.

    Also popular:
    -asshat
    -give a man a fish poison
    -what heroin does to u
    -this is why we can’t have nice things
    -variations on people looking for timeshares

  • Funny fucking funny fucking……haha! I’d be proud of that one too! These make mine look pretty boring. Lately I’ve been getting lots of searches for “panties” and the last time I posted about search terms there was one that was really pervy about a grown man kissing a little girl. I’m still not sure how the hell that sent someone to my blog…sick shit. You’ve got an entertaining list here!

By Michelle

Michelle

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