She Shoots, She Scores

My blog is all me, baby.

Well, except for when Randy says something hilarious and I steal it from him. It happens.

Randy isn’t as funny as he thinks he is, but sometimes the motherfucker is hysterical.

Anyway, Randy had a clever thought for an article.

Usually, when Randy has a clever idea for an article, then the article belongs to me. He throws it out there and I grab the idea and run with it.

This time, he wrote a little more than he usually does. Still bare bones, but more than just the core of a story. I loved his idea as soon It's not like 'd withhold sex or anything.as the words were out of his mouth, but hesitated at pouncing on the idea because he had done a little work on it.

Me: I love that. Awesome. I would love to work on that idea. I mean, unless you wanted to write it or something.

Randy: Oh, did you want to write it?

Motherfucker, really? 

Me: Uhhh, yeah. I really want to. It’s a great idea. Although, seriously, this is entirely up to you. It’s your story.

Randy: What do you think?

Me: I mean, it’s not like I’d withhold sex or anything.

Randy:…

Me:…

Randy: It is a good idea, isn’t it?

Me: You know, I think this is bigger than a one article thing. I think we could blow this out. Maybe, even collaborate on it.

Randy: Are you inviting me to participate in my own idea?

Me: It’s not like I’d withhold sex or anything.

Randy:…

Me: Yeah, I’d be totally cool sharing a byline or whatever. Some people can be territorial, you know? Become a little diva-ish and not want to share a “writer” status with their significant other. Not me, though. I would love to work with you.

Me: Although, the creative control would have to be 46% you and 54% me. No way are you having controlling interest. Or even half. Someone has to make the final decision and that’s going to be me.

Randy:…

Me: Or how about this? We get veto coupons. You get 5 and I get 100. And then we can use them to override the other person’s idea if we really hate it. My coupons can override your override but yours can’t override mine.

Randy: I don’t see how that is fair.

Me: Well, it’s because I have controlling interest. So really, what it comes down to, is I will have 95 overrides after I override your 5 overrides. The upside for you is, once I override 95 of your ideas, then I will be out of coupons. Although, you can’t just say stupid shit to use the coupons up.

Randy: Who decides if it’s stupid or not?

Me:…

Randy: I haven’t agreed to share the idea yet, so I really have all the coupons.

Me: Remember what I said about sex?

Randy: Dammit.

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Add your comments below. Profanity is encouraged, but not required. ;)
  1. Angela Pound says:

    I frequently quote Zoe from this Firefly scene to my husband.

    Wash: [to Mal, about his “wife”] Did she really make fresh bao?
    [Zoë looks angrily at him]
    Wash: Quaint!
    Zoë: Remember that sex we were planning to have *ever* again?

    (Although, tbh, withholding sex would punish me as much as him lol.)

    Reply
  2. Leanne says:

    you don’t even have to write the post (or posts) you can just write about them for the next several weeks – milk it for all it’s worth and by then Randy will be sick of it (while we’re thoroughly entertained) and then you can have 100% ownership because he’ll have forgotten and moved on to something else 🙂

    Reply
  3. Lots of witty banter going on in your home. Sounds super fun.

    Reply
  4. It’s kind of like Hall & Oates, where they got equal billing on the album cover and in the videos, but we were never quite sure what exactly Oates did, because Daryl Hall seemed to be doing everything.

    Or Andrew Ridgeley. I probably should have gone with Andrew Ridgeley up top.

    This is why I need a co-writer.

    Reply
  5. Haralee says:

    This could go on forever because what kind of by-line does he want and will it go well with yours before we can even talk about content. Idea from Randy, Story suggestion by Randy. Quotes by Randy. Inspiration by Randy. Photos by Randy. Title by Randy. Yeah, he might have to get his own blog!

    Reply
  6. Mila says:

    It seems like this process will be 95% arguing, and 5% veto couponing, or coupon vetoing, whichever. We can’t wait.

    Reply
  7. Terri Lee says:

    You and Randy are like a profane version of Nick and Nora Charles! I picture Randy sitting around in his silk smoking jacket, pipe in hand, and you, sipping your cocktail while dressed in your satin nightgown with matching penoir, tossing around the sharp, witty banter on a regular basis. I’ll bet I described the two of you so well, you think I MUST have a surveillance camera installed somewhere within your home! EERIE!!! HAHA!

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      HAHAHHAHA…yeah. We don’t look like that.

      Reply
      • Lisa K says:

        Oh, Terri Lee! That’s the image I have, too!!
        Well… mostly.
        Sometimes I picture Michelle with her hands on her hips, mid eye-roll.
        Whenever I picture Randy, he has the ‘Standing right here where it’s safe but ready to jump in and drag her back to shore.’ stance/pose/intimation/preparation… realization look on his face.
        But, now, with the “It’s not like I’d withhold sex or anything” line, I have to do a little more mental erasing… Randy’s getting a little sad look…
        Blech
        *erase*
        *erase*
        *erase*

        Reply
        • Terri Lee says:

          Or perhaps he gets that “all knowing” look in his eyes. He knows she’s bluffing because she wants him. She wants him BAD! Haha!
          I’ll bet their dry cleaner specializes in getting the after effects out of all that silk and satin! 😀

          Reply
  8. mydangblog says:

    Awesome! I wish Ken WOULD offer me some ideas sometime. Whenever I ask him what I should write about, he says “Pizza.” Everytime. No, Ken I’m not writing about f*cking pizza. Although I WILL make you some for dinner.

    Reply
  9. Liv says:

    It’s raining coupons. 😉

    Good luck Randy. I’m pulling for you. (But Michelle probably can write it better…)

    Reply
  10. Kymberly says:

    In the interest of starting a trend you could write about not having sex after writing about not telling us Randy ‘ s funny idea.

    Reply
  11. Katnap says:

    I wanna read that great idea (as I have zero) – I don’t care who fucking writes it!

    Reply
  12. Carol says:

    That ALWAYS works!

    Reply
  13. For a while my wife worked as a professional copy editor and she’s pointed out times when I really should have used either her services or perhaps employed another professional to go over my work before it wnet out to catch any misspellings or redundant repetitions.
    Anyway I like it that you’ve withheld Randy’s idea from us. It’s not like withholding sex, though.

    Reply
  14. Are you inviting me to share in my own idea? That and veto coupons…except we don’t really need the coupons because somehow in some unfair way we hold all the coupons already. Love this.

    Reply
  15. Mary-Anne says:

    If for you and Randy banter is foreplay, does that mean that if you withhold sew there would be no more banter.

    Cause that would suck for me as a reader.

    Banter on!

    Reply
  16. Doug in Oakland says:

    This sounds a little like an intra-band argument, except way more intelligent…

    Reply
  17. I wish I could get my husband to write. Hell, he won’t even sign his own name most of the time. I would totally withhold sex for the rights to the story! Hell, I withhold sex for just about any reason. It’s also nice to see them squirm!

    Reply
  18. Margot says:

    This must be one awesome idea that Randy has. Michelle, you are so prolific on your blog that you sometimes feel as though you aren’t working enough on the novel. Am I right, or is that dynamic over? I suggest a time limit. Give him 2 weeks or something, and then make it a free-for-all. But If “Randy” (sorry, Randy, you know what no mumu means) gets his act together before you do you should let him publish it. Does that sound fair. And Randy is hilarious!

    Reply
  19. Me says:

    PMSL !!!! I doubt Al and I could ever collaborate on an idea. He would say something and that would be the end of it so I could totally use it. If I was a writer of course. And if I went back to having a blog as well !!!!! LOL
    An idea, once voiced, belongs to the universe and ANYONE can use it – so feel free to go ahead and use Randy’s idea – although maybe listen every now and again when he says something else in case another great idea appears that you can use for another story !!!

    Reply
  20. You guys are too funny. And this is totally the kind of conversation I’d have with my husband. So when do we get to hear about this intriguing idea???

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      It’s all coming. We are just thinking of different angles. I mean, I don’t want to build it up or anything, it’s probably going to end up just being a post, but we might shop it around first. I haven’t done that in a while and I am due.

      Reply
  21. KK says:

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you two are goldmine material for a sitcom.
    Collaborate.
    🙂

    Reply
  22. Anxiously awaiting the actual idea……..

    Reply
    • Michelle says:

      It’s spun off into a few different things. It might take us a while to decide what to do, but I promise, it WILL be something one of these days. haha.

      Reply
  23. Lisa K says:

    Oh, man… I can’t say that!

    *voice #2 hmmphs*

    If it’s Randy’s idea, he gets the coupons, then he trades you for the usage.

    Print the coupons for sex.

    Reply
  24. JAB says:

    Stumbled across your blog, funny as hell, nice tension reliever after coming home from a fuckin horrible workday! And (see how I started that sentence) you know that time period during sex when you can ask for the moon and he agrees, that’s when you get your ideas from him..lol

    Reply