Since When?

You would think, after blogging for nearly 4 years, that I would have gotten my fair share of shitty comments, but really, I’ve only had a few. Usually, I get comments that are supportive and insightful and I so look forward to reading them.

I did get a few mean comments when I had an article on the Huffington Post. I’m not going to lie, a few of them stung a little, but mostly, I found them amusing.

I recently agreed to let Better After 50 publish my ‘Things You shouldn’t Wear After 50‘ article. I read the comments this evening and they were awesome. There was one, though, that said the intent was good, but the foul language wasn’t clever.

Not fucking clever? Since when?

Personally, I think the invention of cursing is more clever than sliced bread, movable type, the cotton gin, and soft serve ice cream.

If it weren’t for cursing, I’d have to double up on my anxiety medicine. Seriously, a few enthusiastic ‘motherfuckers’ in a stressful situation and I’m as cool as Joan Jett. And that is very nearly true!

Okay, I’m never as cool as Joan Jett, but it does make me feel better when I curse. It’s like steam escaping a tea kettle, except it’s words instead of steam and it’s my face hole instead of a tea kettle.

I decided to google ways in which cursing is good for you. For instance, I remember reading something about how cursing eases physical pain, like when you smash your finger or stub your toe. The first thing I found was an article that listed three ways to stop swearing. The article referred to swearing as a bad habit. A bad habit! It said to enlist help from friends who wanted to help you to stop swearing.

What kind of fucking friend isΒ that? Friends don’t help friends stop swearing, friends help friends make up new curses. That’s what friends do. At least that’s what my friends do. I have amazingly awesome and vulgar friends.

The article also suggested that you recognize triggers and avoid them. HAHAHAFUCKINGHAHA. If I ever actually considered giving up swearing, and took this advice, then I would never be able to drive, shop, go to work, clean my house, cook, sew, exercise, engage in social media, play cards, drink alcohol or talk to Randy ever again. That was just a sampling of triggers. It might be easier to list the things that don’t inspire me to curse. I thought that maybe an adorable baby wouldn’t be a trigger to curse, but then I realized my response to an adorable baby would likely be,Β goddamn, that’s an adorable baby.Β 

The third suggestion was to use a swear jar, which is so lame I can’t even make fun of it. Although, if I had used a swear jar throughout my life, then my baby boy wouldn’t have student loans in his future.

Personally, I don’t trust people who never curse. I think they’re up to something.

Oh, and my favorite comment on the Better After 50 site? A 71 year old woman said ‘FUCK the ‘foul language isn’t clever’ remark.

She’s my new hero.



117 Thoughts.

  1. DUDE. I had a lady come to my site and be like “your review of this menstrual cup was sweet, dearie, but we could do without the profanity.”


    Because the rest of my readers seem to like it.

    I totally feel you!!!

      • Who ARE you?! And can I be your friend? I just laughed my ass off over the 50 things not to wear over 50, I saw this on my Facebook feed. I personally plan to stop wearing the weight of the world and only wear the weight of a small fishing village in Spain, it’s got to be easier.

        Looking for more laughs I surfed to the above swearing article and I agree, I just don’t trust and can never be comfortable with someone completely unwilling to curse. My Mom always says “they wouldn’t say SHIT if they had a mouthful”. As a kid I always wondered what situation adults would get into that would lead to having a turd in you mouth. Still puzzling that one out.

        To my delight I finally recognized the pic above. That’s the archangel Gabriel from Supernatural about to throw a molotov cocktail!

        Thank you I really enjoyed your stuff. Ass-butt, ha ha ha ha!

        • I am so glad you enjoyed them!! Awesome!! And yes, we can be friends..I’m always happy to make new friends.

          errr…and not to quibble..but that’s Castiel from Supernatural. I only know this because I am embarrassingly obsessed with the show. In my defense..Sam and Dean are fucking hot as fuck.

  2. Your timing for this post is uncanny. I’m still feeling the sting of my dad getting on to me about my recent asshole Friday post. He didn’t leave a comment on the site (thankfully) but it’s still bothering me. I don’t think he has any idea how tame my blog really is. And I’m in my f-ing forties for cripes sake. (See it’s still hard for me to just let the explicits fly).

    • Sheesh…I guess you’ll just have to wait for him to get over it. I’m so glad my mom doesn’t read my blog. Not that she’d hang TOO much shit on me over it..but it would probably make her feel bad.

      Please don’t like that quiet your voice at all! You just get this one life..write what you want.

  3. gosh, I wish I could come (ha ha) up with some-thing (yeah, baby) to say, that’s like totally foolin outrageous,
    but, alas! I cannot.

    you faithful-fuckin-Reader
    clark (yeah, the other ‘c’ word)

  4. I have a friend who used to baulk every time I said fuck. I am proud to say I wore her down and actually heard her utter the word once. One of my greatest achievements…
    My husband recently had a concussion. Prior to, he would be upset if I swore. Now he swears like a trucker and I love it.

  5. You rock like a mother fucker. For real. I have never understood why people get all worked up over WORDS. It’s crazy, really. People who never curse or say something dirty are suspicious to me too. And I can’t fully relax around them. It’s like being in church or hanging out with your first grade teacher. How much fun is that? (This coming from a chronically polite people pleasing southern girl) If I didn’t curse every now and then I’d be one mean bitch.

    • I actually have to remind myself to reign it in..I mean..sometimes it’s not appropriate..I get that..but I’m not going to change the way I talk when I write. If I can’t write like me, then there’s no point.

  6. If I couldn’t swear, I’d be rendered mute.
    I did have to back off a bit when our daughter was 4 and called one of her classmates a “fucking idiot” for cutting in front of her in line. It was hard being a parent with my lip permanently zipped, but I struggled through.
    And then, when she was old enough, I told her what I’d told her big brother before her: go ahead, swear up a storm, but be aware that not everyone can handle it. Teachers, case in point. So, you know, exercise discretion when you must.
    Today, I’m proud to say she swears like a sailor.

  7. Living smack in the middle of the Bible Belt means that I have to restrict my swearing to under-my-breath expletives and lip syncing to the hit parade in my head, unless I am with certain people. That is why most of my sewing happens when I am alone or late at night after the kids have gone to bed. I was helping one of my friends sew at her house once and she just stared at me, wide -eyed. “I have a whole new respect for you now! ” was her response. She is a professional grade swearer herownself.

  8. Little does anyone realize it, but I do tend to curse, cuss, and swear like a truck driver. I tend to hold it back in my writing, but if I don’t it means that I am really trying to get a point across (especially if I use the f-bomb). As far as your blog goes, if you stopped swearing, I would have to wonder what’s wrong.

    Oh, and one more thing…

    Fuck ’em if they don’t think it’s clever.

  9. I suspect some people think I’m a prude because they never hear me swear. They don’t realize that for me cursing is like fine china. I only bring it out on special occasions. For instance the other day when I was talking about a little bit of good news amid a sea of bad news I called it “the icing on the shit cake”. I used to swear more, but then I discovered that a friend of mine could, when worked up, launch into a stream of invective that would fill an Olympic pool. He could swear continuously for twenty minutes without repeating himself. From then on any time I swore around him I felt like I was putting a finger painting next to a Van Gogh.

    The great comedian Dave Allen dropped the fuck-bomb (I think we should dispense with phrases like “the f-bomb” because we all know it’s not “facilitate” or “frown” or “faamafu”) in one of his last standup shows. Throughout his career he also got death threats for jokes he made about the Pope and the Catholic church. He talked about both in a documentary, and I swear it sounded like he was more annoyed by the people who were offended by the word “fucking” than the death threats.

    Total badass. And you are just as cool as Dave Allen.

  10. I don’t swear at work or around my mother, both places I need to prevaricate for harmony’s sake.

    I swear a lot around my husband, who knows everything about me.

    I’m pretty sure it’s healthier to swear.

  11. I Fucking love this post! Fuck Yeah! You are brilliant and people who cannot accept you for who you are curses and all need to take the stick out of their asses πŸ˜›

  12. As a Jersey girl living in the Bible Belt I get this all of the time. I have a profound love of the F bomb, and it’s hard to remember that not everyone shares that love (weird fuckers that they are). I inserted one, just one, in a blog post once and got called out on it. I’m like, look, I can be fucking optimistic and positive my way! I’m with the 71-year-old woman!

    • I had a boss at my old job tell me not to say fuck anymore. Other people (males) were allowed to say it..just not me. That didn’t go over well with me, so I said it more than I usually do after that. haha.

  13. I’m a fucking Sailor so I just fucking laugh my ass off at the these stupid fucks because I couldn’t stop swearing if my fucking mouth was sown shut! Keep fucking rockin out Michelle!

  14. My tag line lately (the last few years in fact) is ‘Fuck you, you fuckin’ fucks’. Stole it from Lizbeth Salander. Can’t even begin to imagine a world without the ‘f’ word. Love that you swear here at Rubber Shoes.

    I’ve been lambasted over at Huff Po Divorce just this weekend. My article has around 300 comments and most of them are horrible LOL. I stopped reading them after around 30. I even had a few men contact me to apologize for the male comments.

  15. I’m trying to think of anyone in my social circles who doesn’t cuss.

    Nope, drawing a blank. Even my sweet little old Mom cusses. To be fair, it IS a new thing for her. Hearing her drop a pungent ‘fuck’ every now and again is startling and awesome. It’s like hearing Lambchop calling someone something horrific.

    You’re totes hearing Lambchop calling someone a douchenugget, aren’t you? πŸ˜€

  16. What the fuck would be the point of living a life without swearing?
    I once put a mini-review of Graham Nash’s autobiography in a blogpost, and some commenter, nice person I’m sure, mentioned that they thought there was too much swearing in the book. NO, there was too much of Graham Nash thinking he was God’s gift to women in the book. Too many fucks, not too many “fucks,” to put it bluntly.

  17. This is quite hilarious, and if your voice is threaded with profanity and people love it and laugh at it, then USE it!

    I’m not one to use it in published work as much, but who doesn’t swear? LORD knows I do!! Even my church going friends know I am quite the Sailor! πŸ˜‰ It just doesn’t add to my writing, the way it does to humor writers like yourself.

    I agree, it’s hard to trust a person who doesn’t let out a nice strong #@$%&!!! once in a while. (Yeah, I can’t even write the word even here! )

  18. Fuck! STOOPID computer lost my reply.
    take two.

    I love the comment section for this post. Your readers fucking rock. I think I am falling in love with them as much as I love you.
    So, don’t change a fucking word of your posts.
    I love the looks I get when people here the things that come out of this 59 year old mouth.
    Fucking Priceless.

  19. Ha, the 71 year old woman gets my vote!
    My swearing gets worse depending on the stress levels involved and it’s a necessary coping mechanism for me. Stuff people telling me or anyone else, as a grown up, what we can and cannot say. I will be incorrigible to the end!!
    Yes, there are times when it isn’t appropriate and most of us know to reel it in at those moments. However, people need to get over the ‘this offends me’ mentality. There are much more important things that people ought to get hot and bothered about. Swearing is so far down that list it doesn’t warrant a mention.

  20. I recently heard a new one I like – “pissweasel.” Also, I was recently reminded of “cuntopotamus.” Apparently I like animal related swears.

    • pissweasel. I LIKE that…cuntopotamus is good too, but I would end up flubbing it in spoken word and say cuntopolis or something. Which is a place you don’t want to live.

  21. Where to even start?! You’re absolutely right not to trust people who don’t swear. If they’re not expressing emotions, what else are they hiding?

    Also, and I will say *when* I finally make HuffPost, I’ve already advised hubby that he will be reading the comments for me, telling me the nice ones, picking out the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and not even telling me about the stupid shit. But probably I won’t be able to resist reading them all for myself. πŸ˜‰

  22. So, they put in symbols instead of letters for the first ‘fuck’ but then didn’t for subsequent fucks? I guess the editor stopped giving a fuck? Fucking ridiculous if you ask me!

  23. I swear to god you sound exactly like my best friend Michelle…wait…Michelle, what the fuck are you doing not telling me you have a blog!!!! πŸ˜‰
    Actually, you do sound like my best friend…fuck is her favorite word and she was the first person to use the phrase ‘holy assbutt’ when we were in high school (a sort of long time ago)
    She still gets excited whenever I throw the random f-bomb her way. I actually read an article from somewhere that said that cursing has been proven to actually relieve stress.

  24. Bloody hell some people are easily offended just saying, as you know I don’t swear or curse as you say unless I am really pissed off and then I do which is one of the ways you can tell I am really pissed off………… you know I am 52 and I still do not like to swear in front of my parents. Speaking of my parents I have never heard my dad swear ever, mum has dropped the f bomb a few times when she has been really pissed off but dad never around his children even though his children are all adult he still will not do it.

  25. I like to cuss, don’t get me wrong. I don’t like to hear any woman or girl use the “F” word, call me old fashioned it bothers me. Reading it isn’t so bad. I don’t men who use the “F” word either. Shit is my favorite cuss word, my mother’s favorite cuss word. HA HA Love your blog!

  26. Oh good Lord, my post above was written by me I think?? Let me explain. I do cuss. I use the “F” word once in a while. My favorite cuss work is SHIT. I really don’t like to hear a young person use the “F” word. Grown men and women somehow sound less intelligent when that word is used. Just how I feel.

  27. Foul language is best used judiciously. Which you do ;p

    A lot of people say “never read the comments”. But I kind of think those people are cowards. Don’t tell ’em I said so, okay?

  28. Your readers and their comments made me laugh as much as your post. Swearing is what I am all about and honestly, the pud-knockers that think otherwise can jam it up their ass. Fuckers.

  29. I just read Maurna’s post over at Cursitivity about a town where CURSING IS PROHIBITED(!??). I’d be completely fucked if I had to spend time there… FUCKED! πŸ˜‰

  30. Shared this with my daughters, who describe our immediate family as “classy motherfuckers”. We’d have a fortune if there’d been a swear jar, thankfully we used the money to pay for food and shelter instead. Thanks for the laugh!

  31. I’m a new follower after reading your After 50 HuffPo article. I was already in deep but then fell head first in love at the first fuck (wish I could quote you but I’ve read so many of these comments the line got totally pushed out of my head). Cursing may not, EXACTLY, be clever but it gets the point across in CLEAR and precise ways that nothing else can. And then you’re paying real attention and living whatever is being communicated – no longer removed or distant. I’m pretty sure my kids would like to invent a Betty Ford for Mad Cursaholics and send flying, light-blaring ambulances to admit Me the First Patient and do experiments and lobotomies to help me STOP. It’s a lot cheaper than therapy, though.

  32. When I told my mother about my blog, I warned her that it would contain filthy language and posts about sex and suggested that she might not want to read it. She looked confused and asked, “Why do you need to do that? I’m sure you can write without resorting to that.” Oh mommy — you never really understood me. Michelle, my dear, your critic obviously had no idea who you were or what you are all about. Your filthy mouth is one of the main reasons I love you so much!

  33. OK so I have a different view of cussing to impart, and I will try to keep it short. I was raised in a very permissive home where cussing was fine. I cuss like a sailor where I work and it has never been a problem (I know with whom I should not, of course). But long ago, while working at an ad agency where we cussed all day, I came home to my toddlers and realized that I had started using cuss words as short cuts to better, more communicative words; instead of words that conveyed the right nuance and the full force of what I was trying to say. It had become a crutch, and I did not want my kids not developing wonderful vocabularies. So, we started the no cussing rule when I heard my 4-year-old daughter say “shit”. If they cussed, we washed the mouth with soap (just a tiny bit, and never in anger). If I cussed, we washed my mouth with soap. They were voracious and geeky readers who developed incredibly descriptive vocabularies and are able to speak publicly or in meetings very nicely. (Can I brag here? My son got a perfect verbal SAT score!). Later, once I saw it was no longer an issue, cussing was allowed, and we could and still can all cuss freely any time we want. But, we have options for being able to communicate much better thanks to this strategy. So, shit, there you go! My story! And, I came here from the “What not to wear” article and immediately subscribed to your blog. It was a great article; I did not find it silly. What you hold onto shows on your face and manifests in your body. I’m hitting double-nickels tomorrow and I love how I look and enjoy dressing differently. And sex gets better every year, so I am good with the 50s, although I do optimistically call myself “middle aged”. πŸ˜‰

  34. I actually had one of my favorite work friends send your article around our list-serv for the women that work in our area in our profession. She’s the same one who told us a story about the one time she went to a strip club to get a lap dance because she was curious about it and spent the whole time trying to talk the dancer into getting a hot oil treatment for her split ends.

  35. I’m so glad you addressed the swearing issue because I found it shocking that so many people were still living back in the 1950’s. Time to move on people.

    I loved your article and am happy to have found you…


  36. I’m slowly but surely reading my way through your posts, and this one really got me laughing. If I eliminate my triggers, I may as well roll over and die. I think the only perk of menopause has been rediscovering my love for the f-bomb, and it IS the bomb. Not that I ever went without it, but now I find it so useful, you know? (Sometimes I tell myself I’ll clean up and stop swearing, but I also say I’ll give up chocolate and alcohol… I just make myself chuckle. Silly ol’ fuckin’ me!) It’s such a wonderful, versatile, perfect word. I love especially the various compound forms, ie “fuckwad” which is an uncannily appropriate term for many of the drivers I encounter every fuckin’ day. I can’t express the crazy, giddy joy I feel whenever I witness a mature, respectable-looking, dignified person become so annoyed/angry/frustrated at a situation that he/she lets a glorious FUCK! blast forth. I always want to say, “Bravo I knew you had it in ya!”
    Teacher says, “Every time an F-word rings, an angel gets his wings!” (That’s from my favorite fucking x-mas movie, btw)

  37. When my sweet, perfect twin daughters were about to start middle school, I gave them a talk about how best to say β€œno” when offered drugs or alcohol…Instressed that they needed to be firm and emphatic in their response-sooo, I instructed them to say β€œHELL NO! I DONT WANT THAT SHIT!” them practice saying it until they sounded sincere. Cussing has power..

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