Stand Up At Erma


Everything feels off the rails right now.

My country is pulling children from the arms of their parents and incarcerating them.

My country pulled a nursing infant from their mother’s breast and handcuffed the woman because she resisted. What goddamn mother wouldn’t resist? What we are doing is monstrous and shocking.

Net Neutrality appears to be dead.

The president and his traitor tots are being sued by the New York attorney general because they’re criminals.

I became emotionally attached to a raccoon scaling a sky scraper. I couldn’t bear the thought of her falling to her death. I watched the video of her making it to the roof about a million times.

I watched the trailer for Tim Burton’s remake of Dumbo and cried actual tears. I don’t know why I watched the stupid trailer. Dumbo is one of a few movies that will make me cry every goddamn time. It’s the mad elephant stand up at ermascene. Also, the trailer was amazing and I’ll probably see it when it comes out next year.

It looks very much like we will buy the house with the hideous kitchen. I had a slight meltdown on Friday because our closing date got pushed. It was already tight and now it is impossible to pull off a move without moving in stages. We close on our new house the same day we have to be out of this house.

We’ll have to board the kitties for a few days and I am frantic over that. Alfie the kitty will not do well. I’m still not sure what we’re going to do with our stuff. It seems the best solution will be to rent a pod and load our stuff up. They will store the pod and deliver it when we’re ready.

I really, really wanted a day to have a cleaning crew come into the new house before we moved our stuff in. I mean, it’s not horrible, but the house isn’t really clean. I don’t want to clean around stuff. I want to start out clean. Which means an extra day in a hotel.

And, all of this may be a moot point, because the appraisal hasn’t happened yet. Also, the closing date isn’t set in stone. I hate this. I’m glad to be at the end, but not looking forward to these transitional days.

I did have one cool moment last week.

My stand up at the Erma Bombeck conference was posted on YouTube.

I can’t help but notice where I could have improved, but overall, I am pretty happy with my second attempt at stand up.

Once the bullshit house stuff is over with, I am going to work out five minutes and try an open mic night.

I went back and forth on this, but after watching this video, I remembered how much fun I had. Considering how bleak life is right now, I need some fun moments.

I mean, I might as well try. It won’t kill me. Probably.

Here’s to hoping we have some moments of hope and light next week.



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By Michelle


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