Stupid Baby Head

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I mean, I don’t have an eagle’s view. But I at least have a hummingbird’s view.

I am the child of a narcissist, and would never consider claiming an eagle’s view.

Even when talking about being the child of a narcissist, which is part of all of my fabric.

I understand the chaos of narcissism. A malignant narcissist thrives on chaos. When everything gets off kilter and unbalanced, then a narcissist feels free to spout whatever fucking nonsense they want. Because everything is crazy! Everything is other people’s fault!

This is our life now. Chaos. Gaslighting. Fear.

Chaos bolsters the narcissist.

Like jump starting a battery or, you know, when Vincent Vega plunged the adrenaline into Mia Wallace’s heart.

Amidst this chaos, Randy has been making me laugh.

He’s still dedicated to conspiracy goat memes, but he has started a new theme. Stupid baby head.

Stupid baby head cracks me up.

Stupid baby head has my vote.

This isn’t going to get better for a while. I thought I was prepared, but I underestimated, which is shocking to me, because I always prepare for the worst. It’s sort of my thing. But what is happening in the world right now is more horrific than I thought it would be.

I’m holding my breath in horror and hoping it doesn’t get too much worse.

So, while I accept that chaos will be a part of my future, I am also trying to find humor and art and stories about gymnast breaking world records and street musicians moving crowds to tears. And my husband’s bizarre memes.

This administration will continue to create chaos.

We get to decide how to process it.

As an adult child of a narcissist, this has been a difficult few years. I’ve had to work through insecurities I felt were long conquered. I shed tears I thought were finished years ago.

To all my sisters and brothers who suffer from narcissistic abuse: I am thinking of you and sending you my love.

To people who are still trying to get their heads around the absolutely stunning illness that is malignant narcissism: Yes, it is as bad as you fear it is.

I continue to grow and learn and feel pain in this journey. I’m exhausted and want life to be normal again. And I know that will never happen. Whatever emerges? It won’t be what we remember. Life will be something new.

This could be good or bad.

I think it will be good.

I don’t have an eagle’s view of any of this. But I am good with where I am. I’m enough like this.

Besides, hummingbirds are adorable.

And I get all the stupid baby head I can handle.

 

 

 

 

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16 comments

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  • It’s things like this that help us get by day to day. I also thought I was done with so much until it began being triggered in the debates, then followed up by the election, then smothered in Harvey Weinstein and Brett Kavanaugh. The ancestors told me, “It’s not you darling, it’s us!” meaning these are ancestral wounds that are now coming up because we’ve done our work and now it’s time to heal the collective. So I think of your healing path of finding humor and beauty, and your healing gift of contributing humor and beauty, and I relax into the knowledge that we’re still doing what we came here to do and all will be well in the end.

  • You may not have an eagle’s view but you do have an informed and valuable perspective on narcissism. Your experience, terrible as it is, can at least help to prepare others. You can give us some idea of what might happen and how to handle it.’
    And I will march with you in Stupid BabyHead’s campaign. Is it too much to hope that he’ll pick Conspiracy Goat as his VP?

  • You are a breath of humorous sanity in a world of scathing name calling. I thank you for your weekly dose of true reality. And Randy? Keep ’em coming. And buy her a ‘like’ button for her next birthday!

  • I’ve been reading your archives to help me understand what that orange creep is likely to do next, but not being predictable is part of the shtick, isn’t it?
    Two things have bolstered my optimism lately: One was Barack Obama’s speech at Elijah Cummings’ memorial service. Somehow after I heard that, I actually said “This shit will pass, and we really are better than this.” right out loud.
    The other thing has been watching Ronan Farrow emerge as a modern champion for human decency and a functioning press.
    Oh yeah, and it helped that our house didn’t burn down. Shit, they didn’t even turn our power off…

    • Okay, first I am so glad y’all are safe! Thank the stars!

      And yes, I am feeling stirs of hopefulness. The last legitimate president we had is so very comforting.

  • Interesting piece, as always.
    I also would like to believe that this “ something new”
    will be good. They keep saying that most Americans are focused on “kitchen table” issues but we all should care about and pay attention to our government because governance affects every aspect of our lives.

  • I can’t believe he kept it together this long… I mean, somewhat, in public, at least …mostly.

    I also can’t believe the people hanging on to his shirttails. In Oregon, if you remember, we had the Rajneeshpurams in Antelope. They all wore red, too. That last photo I saw of tRump and his followers, they were all dressed in red. Head to toe.

    Narcissism might be the least of his/our problems…

    But. I AM getting a kick out of the binding spells going out from all the covens and witches lol. May the Gods and Goddesses Bless them 😉

    So Be It, Blessed Be, Amen.

    Bind that fucker tight 😀

By Michelle

Michelle

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