Randy and I listen to a lot of different music. We both listen to music all day long while working. I can’t write code unless I have music blaring in my ears. The music calms down the monkey part of my brain that is constantly clamoring for attention.
Randy has introduced so many artists to me over the years and I can’t envision a life that isn’t filled with music.
That being said, I think the best song I’ve learned in the twenty years that Randy and I have been together is the “Asshole” song by Denis Leary.
I can’t tell you how many times that song has come in handy. Just tonight, Randy was being annoying in his Randy kind of way and once again, the best response was to belt out “You’re an asshole…the world’s biggest asshole.”
I would tell you what he did that was annoying, but I honestly don’t remember.
This isn’t really about me serenading my husband, though.
This is a sad story.
This is a story where I have to admit that I’ve lost a war. I have had to concede.
After twenty years together, I flinched and all was lost.
Randy tells dumb jokes. He makes up dumb jokes. He constantly makes the worst puns or the most obvious commentary and then laughs like a goddamn hyena.
I have been diligent over the years. I have countered these outbursts from him by inviting him to consider the possibility that he isn’t as funny as he thinks he is. I have rolled my eyes hard enough to time travel.
I have won battle after battle, year after year and then it happened.
Randy loves yogurt. Personally, I have no idea how anyone can choke down satan’s butt paste, but Randy loves it. Bless his heart. He was mixing blueberries and lemon extract into his Greek yogurt.
Me: You only need a few drops of that extract.
Randy: Don’t be telling me about extract. I’m a motherfucking extract expert.
Me: I just know you. You can always add, you can’t take away.
Randy: When I was young, I was known in the neighborhood as “the extract kid”.
Then I lost it.
I laughed my ass off. Honestly, it wasn’t much different than his normal stupid jokes. I have no idea why “the extract kid” cracked me up. But it did and I laughed.
Randy’s face lit up like a kid getting a puppy on Christmas.
To lose the war this late in the game is more than a setback. It’s devastating.
He is also very funny much of the time. I only eye rolled when the jokes were lame. Until the yogurt incident.
He’s still not as funny as he thinks he is.
I’m on MockMom today. Can you stop by and leave a comment? I always feel so exposed on other sites…not like here. Here is safe and warm. Anyway, here’s my fake news article about separating classrooms by weight.