That’s What She Said

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We now have 6 grandkids.

My plan was to be called Mimi.

I would be Mimi and not grandma. Then, I would never be old.

My granddaughter, Madelyn, decided when she was barely old enough to talk that I was in fact, Gaga, not Mimi.

So, I am still Mimi to multiple grandchildren, but am also Gaga to one grandchild.

If you’ve been hanging out with me for a while, you may remember we lost our granddaughter, McKinlee, to complications from a congenital heart defect.

On September 19th, McKinlee and her big sister, Madelyn, got a new little sister. Mae.

Mae is teeny and beautiful and has these fantastic pointy ears. And her heart is fine.

Randy and I made the trip to Pennsylvania yesterday to meet Mae for the first time. And of course visit with Madelyn.

Madelyn is 9 years old now and she never doesn’t make me laugh.

When she was 3 years old, she spent a week with us. I wrote about this before, but I don’t care ’cause this shit is funny.

Anyway, when Madelyn was 3, instead of saying “chalk” she said “cock” and instead of saying “sparkles” she said “fuckles”.

So, of course, we went to Target and bought sidewalk chalk with sparkles. And then talked about it the whole time we shopped. We did not use our inside voices.

Six years later, she is still just as entertaining.

The drive to my stepdaughter’s house takes us just over 4 hours. We left an hour later than we meant to because it was early and fuck that.

Plus, we had to sit through construction traffic.

But we still arrived just after noon and went out for lunch.

Mae was cooperative, in that she slept in her pumpkin seat while we ate. Then, Madelyn asked if she could ride back with us.

I am in no way trying to denigrate my husband, but when it comes to directions or driving, Randy is dumb.

When we left the restaurant with our granddaughter in tow, Randy took the exit that led us away from my stepdaughter’s house, rather than toward my stepdaughter’s house. We figured this out about 20 miles down the road.

While it usually brings me some dark satisfaction to give Randy shit for doing this, I have to say the extra time in the car with Madelyn was worthwhile.

Madelyn informed us she wants to be a school teacher when she grows up because “that is where the money is and that is where the kids are.”

I wasn’t about to tell her that she was only half right.

Then, she explained to me how boys were like cheetahs and girls are like gazelles.

Me: I don’t get it.

Madelyn: Well, cheetahs can run really fast, but just for a few minutes. Gazelles can run and run and run.

Me: Oh, I see.

Madelyn: So, Gaga, that means girls can keep it up for longer than boys.

Me:…

Me:…

Me:…

Okay, I cannot, under any circumstances say “that’s what she said” because that is inappropriate. But come on. Seriously?

Me: So, girls have more stamina than boys?

Madelyn: Yep! Girls keep it up longer than boys.

Me:…

Me:…

Me:…

You guys, I am a bad grandma.

But seriously, we totally made up for me inappropriately laughing at the 9 year old by taking her to the liquor store and letting her pick out candy.

It took a while, but she picked an industrial sized package of Lik-A-Stix, which I feel was a solid choice,

So, that is the news.

We have a new granddaughter.

The addition of a new grandchild in no way makes me a more appropriate grandma.

Either way, I’m so happy Mae is here.

Like her sisters, she is source of light and love.

 

 

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30 comments

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  • Congratulations on the new grandbaby! I love the smell of an innocent soul in the morning.
    I’m also *super* mature, so I’m sure it’ll only be better if/when I have grandchildren. They’re going to be so weird, and I love the thought of that very much! I don’t how you held back the “that’s what she said”, honestly. Good job, Mimi Gaga!

    My kids and their cousins call my mom Lady because of something she and my oldest (the first grandbaby) were doing one day and it just stuck. As you can imagine, it’s pretty hilarious in public.

  • My sincerest congratulations! What wonderful news. And every kid needs an inappropriate grandparent – at least one of them, because you’re the perfect sounding board. Non-judgemental and possibly even helpful. And what was Randy doing during this conversation?

  • Grandkids are the best! When my two (girls, ages 11 and 10) visited last summer I listened to them as they discussed TV commericals for medication. The 10 year old asked “What is bladder leakage?” The 11 year old explained to her sister that it is “when you can’t control your bladder.” The 10 year old replied “but you can NEVER control your bladder!”

  • Congratulations! I’m thrilled she’s here and mom and baby are doing well. I’m a bad influence too. I took my grandson into the truck stop so he could ask men if they were “fuckers”. It was hilarious.

  • You are proof that the best grandmother is a bad grandmother. And someday when Madelyn is old enough to laugh at her own malapropisms Randy’s driving will still be kind of a funny bonus.
    When one of my nieces was born my wife liked to blow bubbles for her, and my wife’s name became, for a long time, “Bubbles”. I’m kind of sorry it didn’t stick but I’m glad you will always be known as Mimi Gaga, because that name is fantastic.

  • Huge like, and congrats on all your grandkids and belated condolences on the loss of McKinlee.

    I think it’s wonderful that you’re inappropriate.

  • Awe, congratulations! My daughter, whose name is May, used to call her Grandma “mama” and me “mommy”. Now Grandma is “Grandma Grandma” and May is 23.

  • Congratulations!
    The woman who owns the house we are living in is divorced and has twin ten year olds, a boy and a girl.
    So the first time they came to visit, I was on my best language behavior. Then from the next room where the boy was playing games on his ipad, “Mother FUCKER!”
    I turned my Lewis Black video back on…

  • Aaawwww…. a new snuggler <3
    Congratulations!

    I wish I had a permanent recorder embedded in my head for all those delightfully introspective and hilarious observations that come out of the mouths of my favorite little people.

    Your Madeline never ceases to bring out the giggles in me – she is one in a million and you two loose on a town together (driven by Randy, of course!) would be the best 'live stream' ever <3

    You Go Girl – With Your Bad-Ass Gaga-Mimi Lovin' Style <3

  • Congratulations, I am happy for you and your family that you have a new, joyous, healthy baby! May you be blessed with continued love and happiness and health!
    My kids started telling “your mom” jokes early in life. Like, “your MOM made a sandwich” was somehow extremely hilarious when they were six. Twenty years later, I still laugh out loud when they tell a stupid “your MOM” joke.

By Michelle

Michelle

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