The Nature Of Our Relationship

I don’t like to quote my dead grandmother. Especially, my bad grandma. (I had a good grandma and a bad grandma). 

I am going to quote her. She didn’t make this quote up, but I’m fairly certain that I first heard this saying from my bad grandma: Shit or get off the pot.

It’s time. I must change the nature of our relationship. You have to read that like Val Kilmer playing Doc Holliday. 

I’m not going anywhere.

I will probably write this blog until I’m dead. Or until the U.S. government sends us back to the stone age.

I am, however, going to cut back to one post a week after this week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with you guys. It’s the best. That is why I’ve been posting the way I do for nearly seven years now.

I need some of my time back because until I stop eating candy all the time, I’m never going to get other projects done.

Or, to be fair, started. I want to see what I can do. I have 3 big projects in various stages and they are going nowhere. I bought Scrivener to keep my writing organized and haven’t even taken a tutorial on it yet.

It’s time, you guys. I am not getting any younger.

I figured if I tell you about it, then I’m putting my feet to the fire.

It’s not like I’ve been doing nothing.

I’m in Jen Mann’s next anthology called But Did You Die.

This is a collection of essays about bad parenting advice we’ve given or received. The book is coming out next month. Woo hoo! I have also been working on some projects for other sites. I have a podcast coming up soon(ish).

I am going to write one more Thursday post before cutting down to one post a week.

Brace yourselves, I just radically shifted gears without warning. Randy says this is jarring when I do this. 

I’ve mentioned a few times we have a loved one in peril.

My stepdaughter said it would be okay to talk about her daughter.

In December, we welcomed a new granddaughter and got to rejoice for about an hour before learning that McKinlee was gravely ill. She was born with a congenital heart defect. McKinlee’s had more surgeries in 3 months than most people have in a life time. Hell, she had more surgeries in her first month of life than most people have in a life time.

She keeps kicking ass and continues to surprise us with her resilience. We continue to celebrate her life one day at a time and we are hoping, so very hard, that one day we won’t have to count her days as “one day at a time” and can just see her future as bright and, well…there.

Randy’s daughter lives a few states away, so Randy has packed his bags on two different occasions to spend time with Madelyn, McKinlee’s older sister. In this situation, silver linings are hard to find, but if there is one, then it is that Randy got to spend weeks with his granddaughter. He is grateful for this time and he misses her.

My stepdaughter didn’t return to work as she spends every spare moment at the hospital. When McKinlee comes home, she will require 24 hour care, so returning to work isn’t in the cards for her for quite a while.

This disruption in income was unexpected for my stepdaughter and her family.They are feeling the sting. This is an understatement. Randy and I are starting a Gofundme campaign to try to raise a few bucks to help keep their bills caught up.

So, on Thursday when I post the link, if you are comfortable with sharing, could you guys promote it on your social media pages? I would appreciate that so much.

Have I told you guys lately how much I adore you?

I’m not going away. I’m just switching gears a bit.

Wish me luck and please keep sending your positive thoughts to the universe for McKinlee.




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  • Nothing like a dead grandma to get your butt in gear. And nothing like a wee one in peril to crystallize priorities. It’s all good.

  • Congrats on the collection of essays containing one of your own. Hugs and healing thoughts to your grandchild and all those supporting her. Your support is probably helping a lot. Virtual hugs to you. (And now I have that Val Kilmer-Bad Grandma earworm taking over my inner dialogue. Thanks.)

  • Michelle, these are such hard decisions to make, but it sounds like everyone is doing their part to get through a difficult time. My experience with having a bad grandma is that, even though we didn’t realize it at the time, they made us more resilient to life’s realities. Keep going with what you know!

  • Prayers and good wishes sent – We’ll all do what we can because you know we love you & Randy (and Dude & Alfie). Healing hugs and kisses to your grandbaby.

  • Hugs to you, to Randy, to the little ones and the big ones you hold dear. Hold tight to the silver linings, they are precious.
    I will miss the frequency of your visits but hold the ones we have close. Your humor has helped me through some tough times.
    Total support for you, your projects, and your family.

  • Downshifting for the big hill is never a bad idea.

    You will ALWAYS be my Blog Crush.

    One way or the other, because of you and your Blog, Randy and Dude, and being friends on Facebook – I have been entertained and buoyed up in times I needed it most.

    Thank you.

  • No wonder you will only be doing one post a week…my goodness girl I would only be able to do one a month if I were you and thats pushing it. We need to take care of the important things and people in our lives because we never know…take care of yourself too while you are at it…and it looks like you are going to do just that.

    • I need to work a little harder on the “taking care of myself” thing. But we’re making progress. I just have to get some more exercise. I’m turning into a creaky old lady.

  • The beautiful thing about cutting back is that when the time is right again, you can always scale up. We will all be here for you. Sending wholesome Canadian healing energy to baby McKinlee. Be sure to keep yourself and Randy healthy too. Your strength will be needed.

  • Once a week is still wonderful. Thank you for thinking about us. You are inspiring, even more so for focussing on what you need to do. All best wishes to your family. xx

    • Thank you SO MUCH! I am not going to lie. I will miss posting with the frequency I usually post..but if I don’t change, then I have to admit that I won’t take this whole writing thing any further…and maybe it won’t go further, but I have to see what I can do. 🙂

  • Wise decision. Sending many positive vibes out there for McKinlee. They won’t help but it’s the best I can do until Thursday. Doesn’t life suck sometimes?

  • Hell, Michelle, I still remember the last time you cut back on blogging, and consequently have been viewing your recent blogging schedule as some sort of bonus, or maybe a slightly forbidden treat. Hope that didn’t sound too creepy, but there it is.
    I was sorta wondering what Randy’s out of state excursions were about, and hoping that the reason wasn’t too dire. If you get the chance, tell the girls I said hi, and that I’m pulling for them all the way from California. And you, also, I’m pulling for you, all the way from California. Don’t know that it will help much, but you never know which little thing turns out to be the thing you really needed, so again, there it is.
    Scrivener? As in Bartleby? He was a weird dude, and sadly, I’ve known more than a few people like him.
    So may little McKinlee, and by extension all of you fine folks caring for her, find what her health and well being needs to pull this out and thrive in this perilous world.
    That’s the closest I could manage to an Irish blessing, and sometimes they work better than expected, so good luck with it.
    P.S. When do we get to read your essay? Can I preorder the book from Amazon or something?

    • Thank you so so much! I wish the news about McKinlee weren’t so grim. I wish I could say that she will be coming home soon, but we’re still day to day with her. I’ve gotten to visit with her a few times and she is so precious. I will pass your good thoughts along. 🙂

      I will post when the book is ready for pre-order! I will probably also give a few copies away after it comes out in June. I really am looking forward to reading the book, I know a lot of the contributors and they are HYSTERICAL!

  • Congratulations on the achievements and the moving forward! Once a week is still better than we have any right to expect under the circumstances. Of course you’ll get plenty of support from this community – you just focus on being good to yourself and being there for Randy; we can get by just fine re-reading old material if needed 😉

  • You do you baby! We are lucky you chose to share as much as you do. I got through a dinner with my narc mommy last night by mentally narrating as though I were telling you about it, and we were laughing until the snot pour ed out our ears.

    I’m sorry about baby. These things are so damn hard. No fair no fair no fair

  • Still praying for your little one. She is a fighter for sure. Glad you are taking care of yourself. We will be just fine…I think. Good luck with Scrivener.

  • Sending love, good vibes and prayers to baby McKinlee. .
    I have stopped writing completely, my last post was probably in February somewhere.. but still have been reading your posts, thank you for writing so I can still be a bit sane

  • So sorry to hear about McKinlee – it’s tragic when babies have such humongous health issues. And so unfair. Every good thought and prayer I have is now out there, for your entire family. Peace.

  • What attracts me to your writing is the absolute honesty with which you express yourself. You do what you have to do for yourself to thrive in life. Giving to others enriches your life. This time you family calls. People will understand and support you and if not, well then fuck’em.

  • That’s some heavy weight you’re carrying there. Please be sure to remind us all of the gofundme page. I’ll definitely promote it. One of my friends had a premmie baby about a year ago (she is well and home and doing great now), but while the family was on round-the-clock visit time with the baby, they organized a sort of friend-driven meal-delivery, that saved them time and money, and made sure they could take the time they needed. They did it via Facebook and it worked really well.

    • Thank you so much! I am going to post it on Thursday. Randy and I are working on it now. Which means, I wrote it last night and he’ll pick it apart today. Haha. They have gotten a lot of support from family and friends, however, they are relatively new to the area, so they haven’t developed a good local support network. Although, I did meet some neighbors of theirs who are very kind and helpful.

  • Of course I will stick by you (he said, after taking two days to write this comment, although it seems like so much longer because finding the right words has been difficult).
    In fact I’m excited that part of the reason you’re scaling back is because you’ve got some amazingly good things happening.
    I’m sorry you’ve also got so much to struggle with, but I’m glad McKinlee has such a wonderful, supportive family–including you and Randy–around her.

  • Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, including worrying over sweet McKinlee. I don’t blame you for switching to once a week. I tried writing 2-3 blog posts a week awhile back and almost lost my mind. We have to do what works. I wish you the best in your new endeavors and look forward to your weekly updates!

    • Thank you so much! I posted every other day for about 5 years and then cut down to 3 a week…I just can’t sustain that anymore and I don’t want this to be something I dread because it’s still something I love and I want to protect it..I just have to spread my wings a little.

By Michelle


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