I thought since I had experienced so much narcissism in my life, that while it wouldn’t be easy, I thought I was prepared.
I’m not prepared.
I’ve been writing about what is happening in our country for a while. I’ve written about despair and terror and exhaustion. I’ve written about hope and resolve. I’ve written post after post about the president and his narcissism.
I’ve had some shaky moments and am pining for those shaky moments.
You know how you have a bad day because the entire country is a tire fire, the president mocks a sexual assault survivor, and the government is attempting to install a sexual predator into the highest court in the land? You think “If I could just get some sleep tonight…just a little, then maybe tomorrow I can get a handle on this.”
Then, you actually get 6 straight hours of sleep which never happens but you think it’s probably due to your entire person just shutting down in self defense.
But you wake up and tears start before you even kick off the covers and move the cat.
I’m not surprised the president mocked Dr. Ford.
I’m disgusted by it, but not surprised.
I’m not surprised they are trying to put their partisan, unqualified, lying ass rapist on the Supreme Court. But what I am surprised by, is by how many women denigrate Dr. Ford and talk about Bart O’Kavanaugh’s passion.
I am stunned by this.
I’m not talking about the deplorables. I voiced my disappointment in how many women were defending Kavanaugh and I had a woman spew some sickening shit. It’s the lying leftists, he is innocent, she couldn’t even remember the date or the month, she’s a liar.
I don’t know any adult woman who hasn’t been at least sexually harassed. Most I know have been assaulted. Many have been raped. Sadly, most women I know have more than one story to tell. And while I haven’t taken a poll, I’d be willing to bet that most women couldn’t give dates for when their assault happened.
I can’t. I can’t give a date or a month. It was warm outside, but cool enough for long pants at night. That’s all I remember about the time of year.
I’m not talking about women who are spitting words they got from Fox News and, well, the president. I’m talking about women who otherwise seemed like completely reasonable people. I’m talking about women who are coherent and who can construct a sentence with appropriate punctuation.
“I just thought she was flaky, you know? I didn’t believe anything she said.”
“He was strong and defending himself. He has a right to defend himself.”
There were so many, you guys. So many women I saw on Facebook saying variations of those two sentences. I went on my very first Facebook unfriending spree. I can’t with this. I just can’t.
Another woman said something about “Were the women who confronted Jeff Flake on the elevator rude? I don’t know.” And went on to talk about the importance of civility.
Really? We’re concerned about rudeness right now?
Those women who confronted Flake on the elevator and demanded he witness their pain just might be solely responsible for Flake insisting on an FBI investigation. Do you think they would have had the same impact if they had quietly asked for a few moments of Flake’s time?
What has being civil gained us? What has being ladylike gained us? What has not making waves gained us?
It is 2018 and victims of sexual assault are still slut shamed. It doesn’t shock me when the old, white, male politicians engage in that behavior, but it stuns me when I see women behaving this way. Okay, it’s not stunning to see women working so hard against themselves, but it is stunning to see how many of them are harboring an inner misogynist.
I don’t understand how they can continue to support a man who has overwhelming evidence against him. The man is a goddamn predator. An entitled, narcissistic, vindictive, unhinged predator.
Women for Kavanaugh is kind of like Kittens for Kill shelters. Other than the kittens don’t have a choice.
I do not feel compelled to “agree to disagree” with these women. If you slut shame your sisters or if you are a rape apologist, then we have nothing to talk about. We have nothing to discuss. And I will work for the rest of my days fighting against this toxic behavior. I do not plan to be polite about it. Civility is for the civilized. Evil humans behaving in evil ways are not civilized.
I also want to put out the gentlest of calls here.
For my sisters who are fighting this behavior, be as gentle as you can with each other.
We’re all finding our way. We are sometimes fragile. Sometimes, we react with frustration. Be as gentle as you can with each other.
Please remember that when talking about sexual assault, a lot of us are in different stages of acceptance or healing.
Tempers are high. I get that. Mine certainly are.
I’m not suggesting that you lower your voice. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be pissed as hell. I’m not saying that being polite is part of this discussion.
I’m just saying that when the dust settles, no matter what happens, we have to find a way to keep living with each other.
I have no idea how that is going to work out.
About the title, ‘And then they laughed’.
Dr. Ford talked about how one of her most painful memories of the night she was assaulted, was how her assailants laughed at her.
Then days later, at one of his masturbatory rallies, the president mocked Dr. Ford. The sycophants behind him laughed.
He knew what reaction he would get.
He is transparent, not sophisticated, and he’s stupid. Something he is good at, is finding the best way to kick someone when they are down. This is a skill malignant narcissists hone and practice their entire lives.
She spoke of her profound pain and he put her through it again. In front of the world.
Just over a month and we can try to turn all of this around.