Punishment is an important part of a malignant narcissist’s life. Punishment is key.
Punishment both makes the narcissist feel strong and in control.
It creates uncertainty and chaos, which is the key to a narcissist getting their supply.
When a narcissist creates chaos, the people affected have to answer to the situation.
We have to decide how to move forward, what direction will cause the least amount of pain?
So much energy is exhausted and so many defenses are let down during the chaos that bits and pieces of our will and joy and passion rise to the top and the narcissist scoops it up like cream.
The narcissist is left fat and happy and their victims are a bit hollowed out, scared and exhausted.
You guys, my dad is getting really old. He doesn’t get around very good at all.
When he walks, he is bent over a bit, looking at the ground and he shuffles. But not very far. 5 yards maybe before he needs to sit down. He’s winding down.
But the narcissist who raised me is still there.
He’s not as loud and not at all threatening, but he is still there.
A few weeks ago, Randy and I made a trip to Clifty Falls in Indiana. We met my sisters, niece and nephew and my parents.
We took some long walks from six feet apart. It was lovely. There were people, but we could avoid them.
My dad can’t walk through the house without stopping to rest, he sure isn’t going to hike any trails. Even the easy ones. Which, by the way, I didn’t find completely easy. I think you’d need some escalators or something to make them easy. I should also work a little harder at being less sedentary.
Anyway, he would just sit on a park bench and wait.
Taking him anywhere is a nightmare because his short term memory is shit and where ever we go, as soon as we get there, he wants to go home. Every fucking time. It doesn’t matter if we’ve been out for 5 minutes or a few hours, he doesn’t remember. He just knows that whatever we are doing, he hates it and wants to leave.
This trip was a little different.
He didn’t whine about wanting to leave. He made a different demand.
We had taken a few short walks, when my dad announces that he is hungry and that we’re all leaving and going to a restaurant to eat.
So, we explained we brought our own food and that we don’t go to restaurants because there is a pandemic and it’s not safe.
That familiar angry/pouty face made an appearance and he told us, with all the contempt that he could muster, that he wasn’t going to eat anything then.
He reminded me of the squirrel in our backyard. If I walk out on the deck and interrupt him, he chatters at me, then turns around and shakes his tail at me.
My sisters and I assured him that we were fine with his decision.
He’s 80 and failing
He still believes his needs are the only ones which matter and we will all be devastated if he is unhappy in any manner.
Because if he withholds his precious love, then we would all surely die.
It’s sad. It’s also annoying.
The US should understand this, because the stupid president is pulling the same shit on all of us.
He’s stated a few times at his masturbatory hate rallies, that if he is not re-elected that would leave and no one would ever see him again.
This is not him saying that he will concede. This is not him saying that he accepts what will happen.
This is him threatening punishment. If you don’t make sure I get want I want, I will withhold my love. I will leave you. Then where will you be?
Long ago when my father was young and healthy and loud, he would do the same thing.
He would threaten to leave us and then bask in our cries begging him to stay.
You guys, he was pathetic enough to grab and empty suitcase, as if he had packed his things, and then he would announce his departure. Promising we would never see him again.
By the time I was in my teens, I was begging him to follow through with it. Just fucking go and leave us in peace.
The president is as pathetic as my dad.
We must vote, because as of January, I would like for the president to be less threatening than the squirrel in my backyard.
As long as he is in office, he is a threat.
The next month is going to be insane.
Hold each other close. Stay safe. Wear a mask.
Photo courtesy of cocoparisienne.