I’ll withhold my love, and other threats narcissists make

Punishment is an important part of a malignant narcissist’s life. Punishment is key.

Punishment both makes the narcissist feel strong and in control.

It creates uncertainty and chaos, which is the key to a narcissist getting their supply.

When a narcissist creates chaos, the people affected have to answer to the situation.

We have to decide how to move forward, what direction will cause the least amount of pain?

So much energy is exhausted and so many defenses are let down during the chaos that bits and pieces of our will and joy and passion rise to the top and the narcissist scoops it up like cream.

The narcissist is left fat and happy and their victims are a bit hollowed out, scared and exhausted.

You guys, my dad is getting really old. He doesn’t get around very good at all.

When he walks, he is bent over a bit, looking at the ground and he shuffles. But not very far. 5 yards maybe before he needs to sit down. He’s winding down.

But the narcissist who raised me is still there.

He’s not as loud and not at all threatening, but he is still there.

A few weeks ago, Randy and I made a trip to Clifty Falls in Indiana. We met my sisters, niece and nephew and my parents.

We took some long walks from six feet apart. It was lovely. There were people, but we could avoid them.

My dad can’t walk through the house without stopping to rest, he sure isn’t going to hike any trails. Even the easy ones. Which, by the way, I didn’t find completely easy. I think you’d need some escalators or something to make them easy. I should also work a little harder at being less sedentary. 

Anyway, he would just sit on a park bench and wait.

Taking him anywhere is a nightmare because his short term memory is shit and where ever we go, as soon as we get there, he wants to go home. Every fucking time. It doesn’t matter if we’ve been out for 5 minutes or a few hours, he doesn’t remember. He just knows that whatever we are doing, he hates it and wants to leave.

This trip was a little different.

He didn’t whine about wanting to leave. He made a different demand.

We had taken a few short walks, when my dad announces that he is hungry and that we’re all leaving and going to a restaurant to eat.

So, we explained we brought our own food and that we don’t go to restaurants because there is a pandemic and it’s not safe.

That familiar angry/pouty face made an appearance and he told us, with all the contempt that he could muster, that he wasn’t going to eat anything then.

He reminded me of the squirrel in our backyard. If I walk out on the deck and interrupt him, he chatters at me, then turns around and shakes his tail at me.


My sisters and I assured him that we were fine with his decision.

He’s 80 and failing

He still believes his needs are the only ones which matter and we will all be devastated if he is unhappy in any manner.

Because if he withholds his precious love, then we would all surely die.

It’s sad. It’s also annoying.

The US should understand this, because the stupid president is pulling the same shit on all of us.

He’s stated a few times at his masturbatory hate rallies, that if he is not re-elected that would leave and no one would ever see him again.

This is not him saying that he will concede. This is not him saying that he accepts what will happen.

This is him threatening punishment. If you don’t make sure I get want I want, I will withhold my love. I will leave you. Then where will you be?

Long ago when my father was young and healthy and loud, he would do the same thing.

He would threaten to leave us and then bask in our cries begging him to stay.

You guys, he was pathetic enough to grab and empty suitcase, as if he had packed his things, and then he would announce his departure. Promising we would never see him again.

By the time I was in my teens, I was begging him to follow through with it. Just fucking go and leave us in peace.

The president is as pathetic as my dad.

We must vote, because as of January, I would like for the president to be less threatening than the squirrel in my backyard.

As long as he is in office, he is a threat.

The next month is going to be insane.

Hold each other close. Stay safe. Wear a mask.



Photo courtesy of cocoparisienne.





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  • I’m sorry that he is still the same sad man he has always been. It would have been nice that in his waning years he might have done a personality reversal. As for Trump, we should be so lucky if he disappears. I’m just afraid that if he does, he’s going to take all our taxpayer dollars with him somehow.

    Hope your trip was fun and great to see family after all this time, despite the tantrum in the corner.

    • Yeah, the next few months are going to be difficult.

      We did have a really good time. Although, we did convince my mom to leave dad at home the next time we took a walk (yesterday) and it was so much nicer.

  • Here’s irony for you – my youngest son (Republican :/ ) and I have been chomping at the bit, waiting for our ballots (Oregon is mail in) and the only ballot that has shown up is for my middle son who is a recent felon.
    I KNOW my vote doesn’t count, simply for the fact that I am negating my youngest son’s vote. But that counts almost more 😉 😀
    You know how we always comforted ourselves by telling ourselves that if we survive this, we’re gonna be the strongest motherfuckers, ever?
    Yeah. I say that a lot these days <3

  • Michelle, I think we should put my father and your father in a room together and let them fight it out for superior behaviour in being complete…oooh, a bit too early to say the word I was thinking….I’ll go with jerks.

    When my Mom passed away (and she was caring for him far longer than I really understood), he got himself in a whole lot of trouble. Crashed a car, drank too much. I had to put him in a home against his will. (Yes, doctors certified him.) Then he called every day 30 times a day. So, I just let my land line answering machine fill up. No more messages.

    So, I most certainly get everything you’re saying. Lunch was exactly at noon. Every day, “or else”. Whatever he wanted to watch on the one tv is what we watched. Trust me, I left home as soon as I could. Their personalities don’t change as they get older or in my father’s case with dementia. If anything they become more entrenched in their behaviours. The ones they remember.

    I’m truly sorry for what you are going through. I’m glad you have Randy, and hopefully your mother is managing with all of this. I’m pretty sure my mother, although cancer is not a super good option out of the world? Just need to leave that bastard.

    Hugs from Canada. Stay safe. And please everyone vote….the world IS watching.

    • I’m sorry you had to deal with that as well. It’s such a nightmare. And to watch this behavior from the president on a daily basis is just crushing.

  • Our whole family has already voted, and I received word from ballot trax that my ballot has been received and will be counted. We didn’t mail ours we went to an official drop box. yes sadly, in Cali there are unofficial fake boxes thanks to the gop. Our election commission has told them they’re illegal and to remove them and just like our fucking pres they said NO you can’t make us. Like 2 year olds in the sandbox throwing a temper tantrum. That was the last I read. They are attempting to take advantage of a law that was not designed for drop boxes per say, but for people who need someone else to drop off their ballot and can sign on their ballot for another person to drop it off. I hope 45 doesn’t get away. He deserves jail time for his crimes, and there are plenty that are going after him. Once he no longer has the protection of the presidency he will have to flee or face his accusers and court battles. Wow, reading your words today reminded me of my childhood. I feel like my mom sabotaged me often. Whenever I would be happy she would find some way to ruin it, either with words or punishment, something to remind me I was less than. Maybe that’s not narcissism but just plain abuse. Anyway, I’m so sorry you had to live through that.

    • I’m so sorry about your mom. That is terrible. I mean, from what little you said, it certainly sounds like narcissism to me.

      Yes, I was the president to pay for his crimes as well. I so much do. But I’ll be happy if he just really does go away and never comes back.

  • I voted! I’m glad you got to see your family and had a good time, despite your Dad. Hell I live in northwest Indiana and I’ve never heard of Clifty falls. I’m going to have to check it out! Stay safe Michelle!

  • Yeah, all of that “I’ll leave the country and you’ll never see me again” bullshit is fully pathetic, and his creditors along with the incoming DOJ might have other ideas about his movements.

    We voted already, and Ballot Trax sent me an email saying they had my ballots and they would be counted.

    I’m still a little nervous about what specie of fit he will throw trying to stay in office, and what kind of fresh hell the lame duck will be.

    I’m glad you had some good times with your family, that kind of contact can really raise your attitude up when everything is turning to shit, and we need to prop each other up and fight our asses off until we win.

    Color me cautiously optimistic.

  • I believe once a narcissist always a narcissist they are unable too completely change some try to and come close to complete success but not 100% It doesn’t make all of them bad people if you accept them for who and what they are.

  • I’m so sorry that you had to endure your father’s behavior making you an expert on narcissism (a word I could not spell 4 years ago). Hang in there. My sister’s birthday is January 20 & I’m so looking forward to a double celebration on that day.

  • I plan to vote early–possibly as early as this week. Although I’m in a very red state I still think it’s important to speak up. Maybe it’s even more important to speak up and stand up considering the kind of bully we’re dealing with.
    That’s what your recent experience with your father makes me think. And I think there must be people around Trump who take his threats to “leave”, or whatever else he threatens them with, much too seriously. Like all narcissists he’s a coward at heart and I hope enough of us call his bluff that he’ll be out on his ass in January.

By Michelle

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