I really did think Brood X would bother me, but I sort of dig the cicadas. I wouldn’t want this every year, but once every 17? The bizarre, intensely loud singing is either fascinating to me or is driving me insane.
At least that is what I thought until this morning when I learned there is a simple test for “crazy”. The U-Turn Sanity Check.
I mean, if you trust Randy’s information.
We woke up stupidly early this morning and decided to go out for a drive. It’s a gorgeous morning. The sun is bright, the air is cool and, of course, we immediately had to reverse our course. There was an accident on the road out of our neighborhood and we couldn’t get by.
Me: Just pull a U-turn and we’ll go down to Anderson Ferry.
Randy: You can’t pull a U-turn here. It’s illegal.
Me: The road is blocked. It’s fine.
Randy: No, that’s crazy. That’s how they test crazy people.
Me: Who are they?
Randy: You know who they are.
Me: So, if a person is willing to pull an illegal U-turn because the road is blocked, then that means they’re crazy?
Me: I don’t think that seems a comprehensive enough test.
Randy, of course, pulled a U-turn and we headed out of our neighborhood from another direction.
Me: By your test, the only crazy people are the ones who don’t want to sit an indefinite amount of time waiting for a car crash to be removed? It’s either that or the person is of sound mind?
Me: Say a guy named Randy goes to see his doctor. And he is wearing a live porcupine on his head and tells the doctor that he collects goldfish eyeballs. That wouldn’t be crazy? Like, the doctor would have to ask him his stance on illegal U-turns before determining if Randy is batshit?
Randy: Do you think my hair looks like a porcupine?
Me: Well…..okay, that’s not the point.
Me: So, the doctor asks the porcupine head about illegal U-turns, and if the porcupine head says “What? Illegal U-turn? That’s just crazy talk”, then the guy is completely sane?
Me: Who knew?
Me: Maybe I should drive. Porcupine.