First of all, thanks to all of you who have cheerfully read my posts where I whined about being ill.
I was getting concerned. Even if you are not a hypochondriac, it’s not out of the realm of reasonable worry to get concerned by being ill for most of two months.
My family doctor prescribed 5 different antibiotics and steroids. I felt good around 10 days total for the first two months of the year. I had definitely reached the point where I had to admit that my family doctor’s method of treatment of throwing antibiotics at me was not doing the trick.
I contacted an Ears, Nose and Throat specialist and got in to see him last Friday.
Y’all, he did disturbing things to me. A camera was involved.
Also, he was extremely arrogant. It was like he couldn’t wait for me to speak so he could smirk and tell me why I was wrong.
When he first got there, he paged through my records before speaking to me.
Arrogant doctor who looks like Rick Moranis: How do you feel?
Me: Well, I’ve had sinus infections over and over and..
Arrogant doctor who really looks more like he ate Rick Moranis: No. You don’t feel that way. That is a diagnosis. I asked you how you feel.
Me, feeling annoyed: I feel like shit.
That’s a lie. I thought about saying that but instead I yammered on about sinus pain and aches and fevers and coughing.
I had a reaction to one of the antibiotics my family doctor gave me. He referred to it as an anaphylactic reaction so I referred to it as an anaphylactic reaction.
Arrogant doctor who took smirking to a new place: Okay, you did not have an anaphylactic reaction. That would have been much worse. You had an allergic reaction.
Me: My eyes swelled up.
Dickhead doctor: allergic reaction.
Then he shot this stuff up my nostrils with a machine that sounds like those machines at the 10 minute oil change places. He did this to numb them. There isn’t enough Jiffy Lube to make what he did next comfortable.
You guys, he stuck a camera up my nose and down my throat via my nostril. Then he did it again on the other side.
Arrogant doctor: You aren’t going to accept what I’m going to say next because it won’t make any sense to you, but you have to trust me because I know what I’m talking about.
Arrogant doctor: You haven’t had any sinus infections at all. What you have is severe acid reflux. I can see the damage. It’s bad enough and rising enough to irritate your mucus membranes and that is causing your sinus cavities to fill up. It mimics all the signs of sinus infection but it’s not. Has your voice changed?
Me: No. It hasn’t changed. I mean, it’s a little hoarse from being sick.
Doctor: Yeah (smirk) that’s what I meant by your voice changing. It’s possible it will stay that way or could take a long time to heal.
Me: But I don’t have bad heartburn or anything. I do sometimes, but not often.
Arrogant doctor holding up his hand: This has nothing to do with that. You can have what is called ‘silent’ acid reflux. That means you don’t usually feel anything.
Silent Acid Reflux. One of you needs to start a band and call it that.
I haven’t been suffering through ear aches and sinus infections at all. I never would have guessed this in a million years.
Then he told what not to eat and drink.
We’ll just say that everything on the list are my favorite things.
Booze is on the list.
Plus side, at least I’m not dying from a rare form of sinus cancer. I was pretty sure that’s what it was.
Also, I wondered, but didn’t dare ask…if I have acid reflux that bad, does that mean I have acid spit? Could I spit on someone and melt their face off? Because that would be cool.