Michelle needs something to cuddle.
I’ve been searching rescue cats on and off for a couple years now. So far, Randy has thwarted my plans to get a kitty, but I’m wearing him down.
Don’t tell him I said that because he’ll just deny it.
I will be honest and admit that it doesn’t make sense to get a kitty right now. We need to dump this house, get our new digs, and then I can rescue a kitty.
As I read through these descriptions of rescue cats, my thinking shifted away from getting a cat into wondering why Randy and I 
couldn’t just be someone’s pets.
That would be awesome.
If we were someone’s pets, I wouldn’t have to go to a cubicle anymore. No one expects pets to work. I mean, other than service animals, guard animals, animals that herd other animals, and law enforcement animals. We would be the other kind. The pet that chews up furniture and poops in your shoes when you hurt our feelings.
Just kidding about the furniture chewing and pooping.We’d make great pets.
If we were listed on an “adopt a pet” site, our bio would look like this:
This pair of humans, a male and female, cannot be separated, so be ready for twice the love in your home!
Don’t be put off by the age of this pair, there is still plenty of life left in these feisty seniors!
They are named “Randy” and “Michelle” and have been mates for over 21 years. No worrying about the two of them not getting along together. They’re like Mike and Ike. Frick and Frack. Lennon and McCartney. Oscar and Mayer. Unless they’re in the car together, then they will probably fight over music. But that is only because Randy is selfish when it comes to music in the car and needs to learn to share better.
Randy and Michelle are great with kids. You can feel secure leaving your children or grandchildren in their care. They will be loving and indulgent. One caveat: they aren’t the best role models. Remember, there are worse things than kids learning all the bad words. Randy and Michelle don’t interact as well with adults. Best you keep them shut in a bedroom when your super conservative uncle visits.
Your house will be filled with laughter. Randy and Michelle are hilarious. Michelle is inherently funny. Randy is unintentionally funny. Either way, you will be entertained.
Randy does require more belly rubs than Michelle. Actually, you would see Michelle’s crabby side if you attempted to rub her belly. Randy and Michelle are loving and housebroken, but not overly concerned with keeping their living area free of debris. If you want this pair to be a part of your family, then be ready for a little additional housework. They also have specific brand needs, mostly toilet paper and peanut butter products. Make sure there is a fresh bag of ice in the freezer every Friday night! Don’t forget the booze. Seriously. Do not forget the booze. This site will not accept any liability for damage done by Randy and Michelle if you forget the booze.
Schedule an appointment to come in to see this unique pair of humans. You won’t want to go home without them.
So, how about it? I’ll give y’all first dibs.
Anyone want to take us in? Randy can open beers without a bottle opener and I make awesome chocolate chip cookies.
Great article. I like the part about the car music. You are just a little bit warped. 😀 Funny.
I’ve been longing for a shorthaired Dachshund or a Corgy but a Dachshund most. Teresa says no but I think if we were both next to a 1st year Dachshund that it would be a different story. If it wasn’t for our limited room here (1 acre) I’d go for a bigger breed but to be fair to the dog it should be small.
I went on a bit, half a tear on the corner of my eye. Must be the weather.
Haha..thank you! Good luck with getting a little dog. 🙂
If you could keep a little boy entertained and follow him all over the neighborhood and keep him safe. While I work or at least pretend to work. And don’t mind living in Fort Worth, Texas I would be more than happy to adopt the pair of you. And I have 2 empty bedrooms so you would have plenty of space. And as for music in the car as long as you can share with my son I am perfectly fine with what ever you listen to.
Okay, that sounds like a decent proposal. But you have to accept that your precious boy might look at you and say “I’m not eating the fucking spinach, mom”. (that would be Randy’s fault. Not mine.)
That is a perfect bio for 2 pets. You’d re adopted up quickly. I have always wanted to come back as my cat. Actually I am running an hour late this morning because the big boss of the house decided she was not happy with her food or the messiness of her kitty litter area and some one needed to get busy and it is not her! Meow!!
Hahahha! That is awesome.
Well I never thought of Blogging for a home.
Putting yourself up for adoption might be the best idea I’ve ever heard…
Maybe I should start an adult adoption center. You know, before the old age home is in the cards. While there are still some good years left in the adoptees.
Couples, singles… hmnn,
I KNOW I could hook up the rich and needy with the poor and overwhelmed.
Definitely a plus if I could put ‘inherently and unintentionally funny.’
Does the adoptee get a choice if the adopter is just looking for a pet to put in a box for people to look at and receive compliments for their choice in humans?
I might want to be a ‘show human’ (who DOESN’T want to live in a ‘special’ box?) but I understand others might not enjoy the Kennel life and high maintenance of a good show human.
Might wanna reconsider the cat, Randy.
The chances of you getting adopted by someone who just wants to show you off are too great.
HAHAHHA! OMG that is awesome. See? A good argument for the rescue kitty
My greatest talent is ‘Argument Fodder.’
😀
That’s not a bad one to have. Well, depending on one’s perspective.
IT IS seriously awesome, Lisa. Adult adoption center – for when you need someone around you who’s given up on life, so that you feel better about yourself.
We might need to shorten this slogan.
FWYNSAYWGUOLSTYFBAY
It doesn’t work as an acronym either, does it?
Hey, Michelle! Are you speaking Welsh? HAHA!!!
I guess I could be.
OMG, Mila! Genius!
I was going in from the socio-economic side… mix the rich and bored with the poor and motivated. Like in the old days when we lived in clans and took care of each other so nobody would starve and be homeless.
Then send the old ones who can’t/won’t/don’t want to contribute anymore on a raft ride in the ocean… or a long hike in the forest.
Always their choice.
Now I can feel better about myself, too?
Fuck yeah.
But, I probably better rework the ‘end of days’ plan. Seems not everybody moves to Oregon for the Kevorkian advantage.
Just giving up on life doesn’t qualify for the ‘terms of the agreement.’
But, starting a co-op for adopting older humans so you can give them a better life might just qualify for a grant!!
AND EVERYBODY gets to feel GOOD about themselves!
Thanks Mila!
(Got $50,000 for the startup I could borrow? Grants can be tricky with the wording… 😉 )
The idea of keeping people as pets is a little disturbing, but you had me at “can open beers without a bottle opener”.
He has many talents. haha
Wonderful piece!
Go for the cat! My partner wants that daschund. I want a Maine Coone cat. (Which would probably eat the Daschund.
Reason I keep renewing my lease. That doesn’t allow pets.
Michelle, maybe you should just start up a commune. I think there might be enough people that would adopt you.
Thank you so much! I want a Maine Coon too! Those are the ones I am looking at.
I had a beautiful Maine Coon cat for 17 years. She showed up on the porch one day and decided to stay. Quite the cat. She’s buried where all I have to do is turn my head to see where she is.
And apparently my phone has renamed myself. Which while fun is not, “Fiane”
HAHAHHA
One of the early “Devil’s Panties” comics (by Jennie Breeden) was about getting a puppy. Jennie said “I want a puppy.” Her boyfriend said “No way are you getting a dog.” Jennie said “I want a baby.” Her boyfriend said “You are so getting a puppy.”
I thought I remembered “We’ll make great pets” as a Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes thing, but the Google is telling me it was Porno For Pyros.
Yep..it was Porno For Pyros. Someone identified it as Jane’s Addiction..and I didn’t correct them. Close, but no cigar.
Ha ha ha ha, brilliant. However, do be aware that if you do invite a cat into your lives you will indeed be the pets.
I have been owned by mine for over 12 years now.
🙂
Hahahah..nice. I’m good with that. 🙂
I’d adopt you. We have ice. A little low on the booze…. but pay day is coming…..
That’s okay, we only require booze one or two nights a week.
A brilliant idea!
Would you or Randy be the sort of pets who cook?
Admittedly, there are not many precedents for this, except maybe the rat in Ratatouille.
Anyway, if so, you have a new home here any time!!
We do! Of course, you said nothing about quality….
I was going to let Lisa adopt me and call me George! 😀 I’ll take you and Randy in! I LOVE chocolate chip cookies, I’d love having company going out for BBQ, live music and drinks on the beach and I’d promise to never rub your belly, Michelle. I would also love getting to Skype with Mountain Girl and the Bass Player every Friday night! Yeah, you know what? Get your asses down here!
One more thing: if people only did things when it made sense to do them, no one would do much of anything, especially have kids! So, get that kitty! It’s moveable to a new home when you’re ready! It will adapt! If not, just be careful stepping into your shoes. HAHAHAHA!!!! 🙂
Terri Lee, I figure I can have a George, Georgey and Georgette.
🙂
Because, now, I wanna Skype with Mountain Girl on Friday nights, too!!
You shoulda heard my idea about the ‘Neglected Husbands and Lonely Old Men’ home I was gonna start before Michelle and Mila gave me the greater idea of adoptable adult humans!
Nice thing about me adopting ALL of you? I already have 4 cats!
One apiece 🙂
(or Randy can choose a horse for his pet, if he wants!)
Oh, wait! I already have four cats, too! So, can I have one of the horses? PLEEEEZZZE????
*fluttering wings and batting eyelashes” 😀
Of COURSE!!! Tink 🙂
Shit… it’s comin’ on Winter. We can go adopt even more horses!!! (People start giving ’em away to good homes when the hay price goes up 🙁 )
Yay!
Now we can’t tell MY husband 😉
*sneaks over to close door*
Me – me – pick me to come and live with !!!! We would have such ace fun !!!! Plus you would get to live in a new country. Our politicians aren’t great but I think they may be a smidgen better than yours – PMSL !!!
I hope you find a really good home xox LOL
That would be awesome. I’m sure we’d make it a week or so before we got on your nerves.
If I had a bigger place, I’d get you two transported up here. I mean, pets I could drink with? Check! And you’d bring the music? Perfect! I’m just not sure I could handle the two of you jumping on my bed in the middle of the night. Lemme think about it… (Perhaps a ragdoll cat for you?)
We’d only jump on your bed if you weren’t home. I’d probably try on some of your clothes, too.
Drat – if all the beds in my house weren’t already full I’d seriously consider it.
We could use some laughs around here.
I mean, you could build a small wing or something.
Yes! Also we have a cat that was ‘dumped’ on us by our daughter so you could get some cuddles.
And if you get a kitty, get an older rescue cat. Skip the annoying kitten phase and give an old cat some love.
That is my plan! I just want an adult, laid back cat who needs a home.
We were on the hunt for a pair of dogs for our boys as a Christmas present…..until Hurricane Matthew blew our fence down and we found out that we have a huge wind deductible. Thanks Mother Nature for ruining our plans for the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!
DAMMIT! That sucks so much. 🙁