I contemplated relationship longevity.
I didn’t think I had it in me. I couldn’t have a long term thing. My relationships had a life span of about 5 years, give or take a few months.
Randy and I celebrated our 22 wedding anniversary last Thursday.
Our celebration included cancelling dinner reservations, ordering from Doordash and watching Netflix. The perfect evening.
I’m glad that I broke out of my five year pattern. I truly thought I was incapable of sustaining a relationship. Turns out I was wrong.
We didn’t get the swing of the “long haul” for a while. There were bumps and tears along the way, but we made it.
Previously, I never got much past the discovery phase in a relationship. You know, that part where we figure shit out.
We learn each other’s broken places and do what we can to help them heal. We celebrate every closed wound and ooh and aah over every scar.
But those of us in it for the long haul? For the forever? We learn about wounds beneath the surface. We learn how each other is broken.
We recognize those places in each other that will never heal. Never.
Maybe, we would like the wounds to heal because we don’t want our best friend to hurt, but we accept that it won’t.
So we tend to those wounds.
We put on bandages that make it easier to ignore the broken places and when the bandages need to be changed, we change them.
The broken places aren’t necessarily bad. Sometimes, great beauty springs from our brokenness.
There is also a great security in knowing that another human knows all the places you hurt and all the ways you suck, but they still have your back.
That safe place. I never had a safe place before Randy.
I have it now.
He’s here with me. He doesn’t mind the cracks and the leaks. He protects my vulnerable places and I protect his.
I wish this for all of us. We all need a safe place. I’m so glad I found mine.
Happy anniversary, big man.