Don’t be nasty. A spermologer collects trivia.
I learned this years ago playing Trivial Pursuit at a family function and had to read that question in front of my grandma.
So, Randy and I went out last Thursday. We don’t go out often. We like staying at home where there is limited contact with other humans.
Randy, apparently, likes beer more than he likes being a hermit. We’ve been trying to hit all the breweries in our area, which is fine, but I don’t like beer so I’m just along for the ride.
We went to a brewery called Grainworks and learned they play trivia some nights.
We decided to go out, be around other people, and play rock and roll trivia.
It wasn’t, by the way. It was music trivia, not rock and roll trivia. Not when some of the answers are Ronnie Milsap and Bing Crosby.
Anyway, the brewery had long tables with metal bar stools. Randy and I sat at the end of a table for six. We got a calzone from the food truck and waited to play trivia. The smudges on the paper in the picture are from the calzone. It was messy.
A woman around our age asked if she could join us and that a friend would be meeting up with her. We invited her to stay and then she asked to be on our trivia team. That request took a second for me to process because I had prepared myself for being around other people but not so much prepared for prolonged interaction. Of course, we said yes because we’re not dicks.
It was actually a good decision. We had fun.
This was old school trivia where they passed around pads of paper for the answers.
We had to give a team name, so we were Rubber Shoes In Hell. Duh. Randy and I had already turned our name in before we had additions to our team and I was glad about that. I wasn’t going to negotiate on the name.
I don’t want to use our new friend’s real names, so I will call them Monica and Jane.
By the time the game started, there were about 10 teams of people with 8 or more people to a team. How the game worked, the game dude would play 30 seconds of a song and you had to write down the name and artist.
We suck ass at naming songs and artists from around 1995 on up.
We didn’t do great the first round. They started with current songs and worked back to the forties. We picked it up around Soul Asylum singing Run Away Train. Other than mis-identifying Dead or Alive as Right Said Fred. If I couldn’t identify the song and artist, I put down the most absurd answer I could. For instance, I put Bob Dylan singing Boot Scoot Boogie. I’m not sure what the correct answer was. If I hear a current song, I assume it’s either Bruno Mars or Katy Perry.
We started off in third place,
The next round was 11 songs from the seventies. We would dominate this round.
It’s a good thing Monica and Jane met up with us, because Jane saved the round. We were a single answer from a perfect score. The song was Brandy and we couldn’t remember who the artist was.
Randy: Put down Marmalade. I don’t think that’s right, though.
Jane: No, that’s not right. It’s something else.
I erased “The Archies” and replaced it with Marmalade.
The next song started and it was Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye.
Monica: Oh! I know this one. This one is Sexual Tension.
Me: No, this one is Sexual Healing. I think Sexual Tension was the song just before Sexual Healing, then there was Sexual Cigarette, Sexual Sleeping, and Sexual Breakfast.
Jane: Who sings that? It’s not a person’s name. It’s a band name. I have it on my playlist. My husband used to sing Brandy in Karaoke.
The next song was My Love Is Alive by Gary Wright. I turned to Jane and said what popped into my head.
This is also an example of me giving up too much information and why I can’t be around other humans without saying something awkward.
Me: Two sisters I used to babysit for when I was 12 taught me to do the Bus Stop to this song. They used to pay me in weed.
Jane: LOOKING GLASS! The band who sings Brandy is Looking Glass.
I replaced Marmalade with Looking Glass at the last second and Randy took our paper up to the trivia dude.
Trivia dude: That was quick.
Randy: It’s perfect.
We didn’t miss a single question in round two and took a solid lead. We also dominated the eighties music category.
Things started to fall apart in the nineties. I like a lot of nineties music, but the bands all run together in a “blink smashbox 311 eagle third eye cherry ray” sort of name. We were still in first place after the nineties, but by a narrow margin.
Then the last round. the first song was from 2017, then 2016 on back to 2008. We did not get a single answer right.
We finished in third place. Not too shabby for a dinky team of old people.
We had a good time. I’ve been in recovery mode since then, that was a lot of peopling. I think we’ll go again, though. I forgot how much fun it can be to get out of the house.